Friday I went out of my comfort zone again, which is great since I try to do one thing outside my comfort zone each month. This month, I hung out with two of HSK friends with out him. Well, I mean, technically I was friends with these guys too sixteen years ago. But since I haven't seen them in so long, it is like they were HSK friends or are new friends to me now. I saw them for a little bit 2 weeks ago and well they were so nice about me back in the picture they insisted we'd hang out again soon. HSK had zero desire to see me, but since I was off from work, why not hang out with his friends? OK, so that sounds a little creepy, but honestly, it was just re-getting to know you stuff. And maybe I had hoped he'd want to hang out a bit too.
It is a little awkward seeing people you haven't seen in so long again. I had no interest to go to my ten or fifteen year reunion. ZERO desire. I did not like very many people and did not keep in touch with more than 1 person for more than 5 years after high school. I liked that people had no idea what happened to me or where I went. Sure, I was always a little jealous that some people who don't leave the area stayed friends and still seem to be friends years later - and I would love to have a few great friends like that, but to me, it wasn't worth it at the time.
I also have to learn to loosen up a little bit; and that has been brought to my attention a lot in the last month or so. I have such a bad memory but apparently I was quite outgoing and happy in 9th & 10th grade. I know what changed then to push me away from my 'friends' but then even the years after college when life became more serious as I started to face what it meant to be an adult, then unfortunately the drama and depression of a devastating break up. I lost myself. I was too uptight and serious. My 'new' friends were a bit surprised that I wasn't that same fun and somewhat crazy girl I used to be. They didn't believe I never smoked or used drugs, but a few drinks and I did loosen right up. They didn't change as much as I did apparently - actually they were quite the same, and again I realized why I was friends with them back in the day.
Anyway, I hope that I can be a little more carefree and fun and spontaneous but at the same time, I like being mature and responsible. I hope I can find a happy medium.
Events in life can change your personality but it doesn't have to be permanent.
ReplyDeleteI think when you're aware of these changes and you want to do something about them then you've taken the first step back to where you want to be.
As far as I can see from reading your posts you've come a long way in the last few months and long may it continue. I'm looking forward to reading more of the new carefree Denise!