Swayze Crazy

Every once in a while you'll catch a few movies with the same actor in it.  This time around it was Patrick Swayze.  I'll be honest, out of his 46 movie titles, I can honestly say I only like about 3 of those movies...and maybe have only seen 7 or so. 

Point Break (1991) about bank robbers  
Ghost (1990) a classic movie about a ghost
Dirty Dancing (1987) another classic

source

I probably saw Dirty Dancing when I was 9 or 10 or so (yes, I was younger than the PG13 standards).  I remember watching this movie over & over again when I was young.  It was probably one of my first adult movies and it gave me this unrealistic sense of love....and dancing; I think those are the two things that every girl watching this movie wants.  I have never danced 'dirty' but having just watched that movie again in my 30s I feel like I missed out on something.  Did people actually do that?  I mean, I guess when people are drunk enough at the end of the night I might have caught a glimpse of some bad close dancing, but it wasn't the same.  Also, that love...granted it was a young love; but that is how they did it in 1969 (when the movie was supposed to take place).  I was in love once, but I am not sure if it was that kind of love - I guess not if it wasn't reciprocated.

Let's quickly talk about the music in Dirty Dancing too.  I bought the CD in the mid-90s; I still loved the movie and the music and couldn't get enough.  Aside from 'Time of my Life', two of my favorite songs are 'She's Like the Wind' - maybe because Patrick Swayze sang it and 'Hungry Eyes'.

Jennifer Grey I lost track of over the years, but then she was on Dancing with the stars.  I only remember her in Ferris Bueller's Day Off. 

Patrick unfortunately lost his battle with pancreatic cancer in September 2009; he was only 57.  Maybe I'll watch a few of his other movies as a little tribute.

Movin' Out

It is amazing how something like moving out makes us finally get around to doing all those things we wanted to do for a while.  I was packing up some of my stuff over the weekend and I finally got around to painting my kitchen.  Imagine, after 3 1/2 years, it is crazy, I've tried to paint it before, just never really liked the colors.  My waterline to the refrigerator burst maybe 6 months ago, and I tried to fix it three times unsuccessfully; my father replaced it this weekend.  My microwave broke over a year ago, and now I will be buying a new one to replace it.  All this for my future tenants pleasure.

During some thinning out of my belongings and a quick scrub - I realized how much I still like my apartment, despite my few issues with it.

It will be a sad weekend when the realization starts kicking in that...I am moving out. Holy Crap.  I am moving out and I really have no idea what is in store for me January 2013 and after.  This is odd because I normally plan plan plan.  Now...I hope to change things...but have no real plan and that scares me a bit.  Part of me is proud that I am finally taking some sort of action - part of me is happy that I am moving past the 'transition' period after the breakup to the now---acceptance stage, but part of me is sad because this was MY first place and I am giving it up.  But I know that I can't stay here to be as happy as I need to be and I know that deep down that good things will come to me in the future because I am a pretty awesome person :)

GUILTY as charged

Today I just plead GUILTY to my first ever anything.  I was pulled over on Monday night after my friend & I went for Indian food.  I was not sure why I was being pulled over, I knew I was not speeding or intentionally committing any violations.  This was my second time getting pulled over, and I handled it better knowing my friend was there to help distract me.

The officer approached my passenger window, but kept shinning his flashlight in my windows looking for more evidence of something.  We small talk and finally tells me why he pulled me over.  My driver's side headlight is out.  It was around 8pm.  The inquisitor bombarded me with questions:  Didn't I know my light was out?  Why would I be driving an unsafe vechile?  Don't I know how important lights are?  etc.  I tried to explain that when I picked up my friend and went to dinner, it was still light enough out that lights were not necessary and that last night, my lights worked perfectly fine, and I know that because I park my car indoors and see the light reflection in my neighbor's car as I am backing into my space.  He disappears with my info for 10 minutes or so, as I sit there becoming blind at the huge spotlight that he has on my car.

When he returns he tells me he gave me a ticket but that I have 24 hours to have it fixed and it will be like nothing happened.  24 hours?  That is not enough time.  I asked for 48 - I had to work and I had plans with the tea leaf reader the next night.  He already wrote the ticket - so arguing at this point was fine.  But no, I could not have 48 hours, just 24. He suggested I have it fixed during my lunch break.  Then I start laughing and say "Officer, not many people are as fortunate as you  to work so close to where you live.  Some of us commute to work; leave the house at 7am and do not return until the evening and may have plans.  There is no way that I can have my car fixed during my lunch and return back to work, when I work in Manhattan in under three hours".  Of course he can't disagree but informed me that the police station is opened 24 hours.  I laughed again and said, "Sure the police station is open 24 hours, but it is 8:30 pm and I can not go to a repair shop to get this taken care of NOW, nor am I car-smart enough to know how to replace something so simple on my own, therefore it must be done during 'normal working hours'.  He begins to ignore me and proceeds to tell me what I need to do in the next 24hours.  I ask him to repeat it three times to 'make sure I fully understand' even though I understood the first time.  I take the ticket, wish him a good night and drive off to return my friend home after our 30 minute hold-up.  In the car, I call my parents (I do not have a working headset) and ask them to have my car fixed the next day.

Unfortunately I forgot to leave the car key and had to leave work early to get this done...but any excuse to leave work early is OK with me.  So I had the light replaced at 3pm, was at the police station with my proof at 3:30pm left there at 3:45pm and brought my stuff to work to make photocopies and signed that I was GUILTY of the violation. 

Crazy how I can be guilty of something that I have no control over. It isn't like my light beeps before it is going to die out.   Don't get me wrong, I fully understand how important it is to have a car that is safe and is working order for everyone else I drive around with.  I agree headlights are important and need to be repaired when they die out.   What I don't agree with is the office accusing me that I knowingly and purposefully was driving around like that and that a simple warning to get it fixed would have been enough for me (especially because I have zero record with the DMV).  I am concerned about this stuff on my own and would have had it fixed before I drove around at night anyway (that is just the type of person I am).  But because I use my car three times a week...and I work in Manhattan, getting something done so quickly is difficult.  I am fortunate where I have the kind of job that I tell them I need to leave and they let me do what I want...but not a lot of other people have that luxury.

Hopefully this will be the only thing I am guilty of in a LONG LONG LONG time.

Tea Leaf Reading: Take 2

I went for my tea leaf reading with Roisin at Katie's Cottage back on May 19th.  She told me some great stuff, and I was really happy with the reading.  I left there in May more confident with myself and very hopeful with my future. I felt great.  But lately, I wondered if I was started to become more depressed again.  Nothing was really happening...and I was getting impatient.  When was the time frame for the things she said?  I decided I wanted to go back to Katie's Cottage and see Roisin again, to find out if my reading would be similar or drastically different than five months ago.  Let the experiment begin!

This time around there were 6 of us - all in different parts of our lives. I was the last to have my reading done.

My reading had these major points:

• New job in the new year, in Manhattan, the commute will be better - with the initial B or R or K  (FYI, I have more info on this, but can not discuss quite yet)
• I'll meet my boyfriend around February.  I'll move in with him at some point in 2012 or early 2013
• I am in excellent health
• I am more confident in myself / different air around me
• I am gorgeous inside & out
• I love the people I chose to spend my summer at the beach with
• I am eating healthier
• I am relocating
• The decision to rent my apartment is the smartest decision to make - something about that I don't need that part of my life anymore
• Great decision to move back home, allow my mother to cook for me a little more
• Use the time at home to be more relaxed
• Go on a vacation before I start my next job
• My current job is having some management issues and/or reorganization

So let's compare from the last time:

• I have fantastic health  --> SAME
• I need to control my hormones --> didn't come up second time
• I will have a new job in Manhattan --> SAME
• 3 weeks into that job I will meet a man, I think I recognize him, but I don't (as in I never met him before). A week after that he comes around and we start dating.  --> not as specific this time
• I will have a small winter wedding in Colorado or a place with mountains in the background. It might not be winter, but the tops of the mountains have some snow on it. Only 30-40 people are in attendance. I am wearing a simple but elegant ivory or slightly pale pink dress. Nothing over the top big, lacy, or what we now see so many people wearing on their weddings. The music is classy  --> we didn't even discuss my wedding.
• I am very fertile. She cautioned me a few times to use protection.  --> didn't come up second time
• I will have two children; a boy and a girl. They will be about 18 months apart and will be healthy. --> didn't talk about children

Now for a little disclaimer...I was the last in my group to go - and when I was brought back into the back room, she asked if she'd ever seen me before - she did not recognize me; I said she did back in May...then she looked at me and was like, well, you've changed a lot since the last time you've been here, aside from your new haircut and cute outfit - something about the air of you changed...you were here before but this is a different you now.  I agreed and told her I left there more confident in myself because I liked my reading.  I did volunteer more information to her this time as well...but my major issues were still there and she elaborated on some of the issues a little more which I appreciated.  At the same time, I felt like my reading was the fastest in the group - I would have liked a little more...but because I have a lot of things going on RIGHT NOW in the next 5 months..I think that is the most important of the leaves and going back again after some things have FINALLY worked out, then my reading could be a little more futuristic (financially secure?  travel the word?  amazing vacations?  well behaved children?  health of my family?  etc)
 
I am really happy I went a second time, and I am more happy that my readings were similar.  It gave me that extra jolt I needed to not lose faith in finding my fh and also it gave me a little encouragement that my recent relocation decision is a good idea.
 
On a side note, when I was there, I noticed a sign for tarot card readings by Vickie...my mom & I wondered at the same time if this was the same Vickie that was in the Bronx 10 years or so ago that was amazing...and you know what? The only way to know is to make an appointment and have that done too...so my group from last night will probably go back down for that next month.
 
As for the others in my group - I think some of them were really happy with their readings, one started to worry a lot, and one felt a little unsure.  Most importantly we were there for 4 hours laughing and talking and having such a great time. 
 
Katie's Cottage:
521 Central Park Avenue, Yonkers NY 10704
Telephone: 914-965-0422
Website: http://www.katiesny.com/

What's your number?

I caught a matinee this weekend - What's your number?  While the film wasn't exceptional by any means...it sort of brought up something I do. 

Ally (played by Anna Farris) reads an article staying that if a woman doesn't settle down/marry someone by the time she sleeps with 20 men, then most likely she will never marry.  Ally makes a list of all the guys she slept with and reached 19 - she realized she needed to be more careful and not sleep around until she meets her future husband - but she got drunk and slept with her ex-boss.  At number 20 she decided to seek out her past men to see if they are date-able again now.  She solicits help from a good looking neighbor who she soon falls in love with. 

So what makes this resonate with me?  Well, I try to keep my number low and tend to sleep with people I've already slept with.  Yes, that is right, I've recycled the men back in.  Not the smartest idea since there is a reason it didn't work out the first time - but sometimes when you just need to get laid, it isn't the worst idea.  Then again the difference between Ally & I is that Ally actually dated these men...while I only have had what 2 boyfriends?  The rest of the guys were causal.

While the magazine article Ally read was fictional - and stated 20 as the magic number, what do YOU think is a decent number for an unmarried 30 something single person?  Do men look at women differently after a certain number? 

I hope my lucky number is below 10. I am getting close, which is why I better meet my fh soon!

Saugerties Lighthouse

After the garlic festival my sister & I headed to the Saugerties Lighthouse.  The tide may cause the trail to flood, so timing to get to the lighthouse is important; getting there was a short and flat walk from the parking lot.  The lighthouse is not your typical looking lighthouse - it really looks like a house and it also is a bed & breakfast.

Boomerang

My friend told me that I was part of the Boomerang Generation - this revelation made me feel a little better about my recent decision to rent my apartment and move home for a year.

But that decision was not an easy one - admitting defeat is hard for anyone.  Knowing that I only lived alone for 3 1/2 years before having to move back home sucks.  BUT then I thought about it a little more. 

4 Years ago, my goal was to live in my apartment for 2-3 years.  Granted that is because I thought I'd then move in with a boyfriend or ex.  Neither of those happened. Instead I am still 100% single and broke.  Additionally, I needed alone time.  Having broken up with SI, living with my family was so hard. I needed my own place. I needed to date. I needed  a place to cry without pissing off my father and making my mother so worried. 

I thought about my town and it was perfect for my commute to the train but I don't really use many of the town amenities.  I used to frequent the library once or twice a week, but now I am doing a lot of e-reading.  I used the town pool once and tried almost all of the restaurants at least once...but what else? My town is more of a family town and I don't have my own family so there really isn't a lot for me here.

My apartment is about 850 square feet, so it is not big...I knew I could not live here indefinitely even if I remained single. I would like a little more space. My goal is to get a townhouse, so I don't have to listen to footsteps above my head. Also, I realized I can not live across the street from a school or a park. Things that I didn't realize 4 years ago.

My apartment allowed me to be independent, which was important to me after living with someone else and feeling like I constantly needed to be extra amazing because they supported me, I walked on eggshells fearful that if he wasn't happy, then I'd be out on the street (I guess either way I ended up alone, so my original fears were pointless). Buying an apartment gave me that boost that I needed - sort of like...look SI I can do it too, I can be happy, I can support myself, I can furnish a place decent and make it homey, I can cook and clean and have a place to bring people to. I was proud of myself. But I don't need that anymore - and it isn't because SI and I haven't spoken in 10 months - it is because I accomplished what I set out to do. I did it. Now I can be a little more smart and pay off some debt and save money for the next segment of my life. This apartment was my transition apartment. I know more about what I want and what I don't.

When my parents asked if I wanted to move home a few weeks ago, but I said no.  The thought didn't really cross my mind, I figured I'd stick it out and just keep racking on the credit card debt.  But then one day, I realized I had so little money in my checking account and I also remembered that I barely go out for fun because, well, I have no additional money to do that.  My other friend told me she'd help me with a budget...but when I was getting her all the information I realized I was in bad shape so I started to work on my own Personal Strategic Plan.

I want more out of my life - and this is the gateway to make it happen.

See, boomerang.  Live with them - Move out - Live with them - Move out - Live with them - eventually move out.  Hopefully this will be the last time I live with them...until they live with me when they can't live alone anymore.

Personal Strategic Plan

We've all heard of businesses creating strategic plans, but not so much on the individual level.  I learned a lot about strategic planning in school but have not yet had the opportunity to actually do it hands on add to that my infatuation with goals and what do you get (aside from me having too much free time)?  I want to become and stay financially secure and what better way than to sit down and really look at my financials in what I call my Personal Strategic Plan.

My Personal Strategic Plan included the following steps:

1. Personal Assessment: What is not making you happy? How can you be happier?
2. Write down goals for the next 12 months
3. Write down goals for the next 5 years
4. Get a very clear overall financial picture
1. Find all account balances and write them down
2. Find your bills and write down monthly/yearly charges
3. Look for areas that you want to improve (pay down debt, save more money, etc)
4. Create a budget
5. Required Action
1. Based on financials find a way to achieve your goals
2. Contact the necessary people for more information regarding their services
3. Make smaller goals so larger goals are more attainable
6. Assessment - take a look at overall picture every few weeks/months to ensure you are staying on track
1. If you are...continue
2. If not, figure out why and get back on track
3. Modify if necessary
7. Outcome - at the end did you meet your goals?
8. Continuous Improvement -
1. What did you learn during last attempt? Can you better it?
2. Do this again for the next year/few years

I am not going to lie, this is a very eye-opening experience that I think everyone should do.

Here is my plan:

1.    Personal Assessment.
I am not that happy in general.  I struggle financially so I can not always go out with friends for food or drinks. I don't take decent vacations, I bring my lunch to work daily, I try not to indulge in too many things for me.  I think about my future and wonder about a future husband and children- and wonder how I'd raise a child financially if I don't make enough money to save.  I need to plan for this in case I have to adopt a child and be a single parent.  My apartment is decent, but in the long run, this is not where I want to live.  I hate my job.  I want new friends.

2.  What are my goals?

I am a list person and tend to make goals for myself so I can be sure I eventually work on things. So this part was a little easy.

• pay off 2 credit cards
• put a little extra money into
• savings account
• 401k
• IRA
• start a new job with a higher salary - or - take a more local job and a pay cut to be a little 'happier'
• start using cash on regular basis
• some others on my goals for my 30s
• quit CM
• sell leftover CM inventory
• get out of house more
• volunteer
• second job?

3.   What are my long term goals?

• upgrade to a nicer place to live (townhouse)
• pay down debt (student loans & mortgage)
• increase savings into investment accounts
• travel
• find a husband
• have child/ren
• buy life insurance
• things on my bucket list

4.  Clear financial picture
I made a few excel sheets. The first one basically has my income/expense report. I have my income at the top and under that, I have the major categories of expenses. Then I have the 'extra' money (which was been negative since I bought my place).  Next, I took a look at all my accounts. I wrote down all the balances I owed (mortgage, student loans, credit cards, etc), the balances from assets (checking accounts, savings account, IRA, 401K, and the part of the mortgage I paid).

5.   Required action
I can't achieve my goals with my current living situation.  I realized I needed to do something drastic to change my financial picture; I knew I couldn't solve it within the 12 months, but at least what I can do would be a huge step.

Brainstorming:
1.  Get a second job.  I've put this off for so long because a)  paying $10 per hour wouldn't really help as much as I needed it to...sure all little bits help - but to not have any social life and still have debt didn't seem worth it and b) I was hoping to use my free time to date someone and travel with them, maybe start a family, etc.

2.  For the last year I've told my life coach that I needed to change my living environment. Maybe I wanted to relocate to another state, start looking for jobs that living where I am now would be difficult and what if I had to take a pay cut for a job? I felt tied down because of this apartment and I thought selling it would be a little tough right now (although I did speak to real estate agents in March).

3.  Rent my apartment, live with family

4.  Quit my job, sell/rent the apartment and move far away

5.  Continue as I am, increasing my debt, not saving money

6.  Find a rich man and marry him for his money

Action decided on:
I decided the way to achieve some goals simultaneously would best work if I rent my apartment and live with family.  While my living situation will not be ideal, now is the time I can do it.  There are both pros and cons of living with family, and after carefully outweighing them all, I decided that the pros win...I just need to wake up every morning and know I am doing it for my future. 

The biggest hurdle I see is that dating would be difficult - who wants to date someone living at home? BUT I just need to remember that 1) I still own my apartment and 2) when I marry...I will go into that relationship with less debt  3) I haven't really dated much in the last 5 years...so maybe this won't be an issue...but if it is...hopefully we can make out at his place

The rent that I will get (which will be less than my mortgage & maintenance fees) I plan on:

• paying off my two credit cards...paying off the one with the highest interest rate faster
• double what is going into my IRA each month (still no where near where I want it to be)
• double what I put into my 401k (still no where near where I want it to be)
• add more money into my savings (I'll need cash in a year to rent someplace)
• get out of the house more (as little as I can be there would be good):
• be more social - hang out with friends/go to dinner/get drinks/etc
• new activities
• volunteer
• second job?
• continue cooking/making new foods

My other goals (find new job, volunteer, and other on my 30s list & bucket list) will start falling into place.  Since I don't want to be home a lot, I will use my calendar to be sure I schedule things...to make sure I stay on track with those as well.

I am not sure what will happen after 12 months, and this caused me a lot of stress in the last few days before my decision; I was even told that I am over thinking it...but I feel like how can people not look that far in advance?  I don't want to be with family much longer than 12 months, I won't have money to buy anything else (and I don't want to do that until I know I am settled into my future - determine where my future family will live), buy an RV and travel and work crappy jobs in the middle of no-where so I can see the country, or maybe rent a place with ... dare I say roommate?  oye.  But, I am trusting everyone..and not thinking about this yet.  Just see what happens and worry later.

6.   Assessment
Of course it is too early for this, but I will continue to assess my plan every month - as I have set up my excel file for me to plug in all the numbers each month and my numbers & graphs will change accordingly.

7.   Outcome
Obviously this it too early to tell since I am starting this in November 2011.  This time next year I hope to be in a much better financial situation. This will not only help my overall mood - because I will be able to go a little more with friends, and save and pay down my debt.  Living with family will be hard, so I get to work on another goal #19 join more activities, #12 do things out of my comfort zone, and of course I'll still get to work on #17 becoming a better cook/baker. 

I will not have saved as much money as I would like since my credit card debt will take a while to pay off...but that means in the few years after, I'll be in a much better position.  I really don't know how single people survive & have enough money to go shopping, eat/drink out, etc.  I am not sure where I went so wrong.

I will update my outcome next year.

8.   Continuous Improvement
I will have to update this next year since, I am not sure what areas need improvement at this time.

My goals for 2013 will include to remain credit card debt free (until I have children this would be great!), continue using cash, and each year continue to increase how much money is put into the investment accounts.  Of course there will be other goals that I will decide to include throughout the year.

In case you are wondering how I did, check out my debt progress and one year recap

He loves me; He loves me not

I was cleaning out my emails this week, and one of the starred (important) ones was as follows from SI's mistress:

Good morning. I know it’s ridiculous that I’m writing again already but I didn’t sleep at all and I realized something, which I wanted to share: SI loves you more. He wants a real life with you, not with me. I realized this when I was thinking about the timing of everything. He told me about you in July, I guess in the hopes that I’d just pack it in and go. And even after that, he still never really told you about me until you did some “research” and confronted him. He never intended to screw things up between the two of you; I guess it was my fault for not slinking off with my tail between my legs.So anyway, that’s what I’m going to do now. If you guys want to be together, I really do wish you every happiness. I won’t get in the way and I won’t be in his life. I sent him an email late last night, saying basically the same thing. I don’t want this drama in my life, and we all deserve to be happy at the end of the day.That’s all. I just thought you would want to know

This was about 5 years (October 14th).  Obviously SI's power of seduction worked because this did not happen - she was wrong (and in fact it became even less civil later), he won her over and she moved in; but you can see WHY I kept thinking it would work out. 

As I am making HUGE changes right now...ones I am not sure if I have thought all the way through and ones that scare me a little, how can I not think back to the chaos that has drifted my life in this direction?  Because of that, I feel like everything I do now is unsure. I have a horrible feeling I keep making the wrong decsions.  And even 5 years later, my life is no more 'settled' than it was during this chaos and I am still just as unsure about everything.

I want nothing more to rewind the last 5 years and start over...maybe 7 years.  I probably would not have settled down in my current area. If I knew when I left things were DONE DONE, I would have quit my job and moved away for a while, instead of floating by waiting for things to fix itself.

I am about to make a decision that will greatly affect me...and I have a hard time thinking about the long term consequences of it because I hate to think in the long term I'd still be single, at a job I don't like, not afford to live alone, etc.

Very confused right now. Not sure how to make the decision...flip a coin?

I intentionally ate a spider

Last night I was getting into bed, and I saw a spider above my bed.  I refuse to kill bugs since I have a fear of them.  I was exhausted and didn't want to sleep on the couch so I made a decision to go to sleep, on my bed, under the spider.

I was very conscious for a while - making sure the covers were over my mouth. But I know bugs like heat (warmth, body heat, whatever it's called).  It took a while for me to realize that instead of killing the spider, that I would practically be ensuring that I'd be digesting this spider.  As much as spiders scare me, I know we ingest what 7 per year? others say 7 per lifetime.  Who knows.  When I woke up this morning, I was not surprised to not see the spider anywhere in my apartment.

Butternut Squash Soup, Chicken Enchilada Casserole & Eggplant Rollatini

Today I made three items (I wanted to make 2 more but I was too exhausted to keep going).

Butternut Squash Soup
I don't know if I ever ate butternut squash before.  I thought my recipe said to slice it in half, take out the seeds and cook it at 400 degrees for a while...but I misplaced the recipe I wanted to use, so when I looked online, It told me to peel the squash and cut it into 1 inch pieces - so that is what I did.

In a pot, heat 2 TB oil, add 1 finely chopped and three cloves of garlic - cook for 8 minutes.  Add butternut squash, 2 tablespoons curry powder, and 6 cups of chicken broth (see my note later).  Cook squash for 25 minutes.  Using a slotted spoon, transfer squash to a blender and puree.  Add back to pot and cook for a little bit. Add 2 tablespoons of nutmeg.

The soup smelled delicious and 'clean' however, my squash may have been smaller than it should have or I used too much chicken broth because my soup turned out to be more like butternut broth.  It had a great taste; but it was very thin.  I re-read the directions a bunch of times afterward to see if I should have transferred the puree to a different pot; but that was not clear. 

I'd have to say, I will need to find a new recipe and try this again...it has potential, but this wasn't it.

Squash $2.00
Olive oil  $0.30
Garlic $0.10
Chicken broth - free...I used some from when I made it a  few months ago (it was in the freezer)
Curry Powder  $0.80

Total $3.20  for 4 servings of about 1 cup

Chicken Enchilada Casserole
I found this recipe in the October edition of Martha Steward's Everyday Food. 

2 pounds tomatillos    $3.06
2 tablespoons vegetable oil  $0.20
1 white onion $0.16
2 jalapenos  $0.45
3 cloves of garlic  $0.10
12 corn tortillas  $2.00
2 chicken breasts $3.25
3 tablespoons sour cream $0.15
   cheese $varies

Total $9.37 = $1.56 per serving + cheese which varies by type you want to use.

I loved Mexican food & I discovered last week I like tomatillos, which is why I thought I'd try this recipe so close to when I ripped it out of the magazine.  Heat the oven to 400.  I husked and washed the tomatillos and coarsely chopped them and pureed in a blender.   In a pot, add the oil, oil and jalapenos for 8 minutes.  Add garlic.  30 seconds later add the tomatillo puree and bring to a boil, then simmer 10 minutes.  Season with salt & pepper. 

While the pot is simmering, warm the torillas so they are pliable (microwave if you have one).  Fill each tortilla with about 3 tablespoons of shredded chicken (I cut up chicken into small pieces and put in a frying pan and cooked it that way, then once cooked - put in a food processor to shred super small).  Layer the filled tortillas in a baking dish; overlapping.  Pour the tomatillo puree over the tortillas, cover with foil and bake for 25 minutes.

Recipe suggested mixing the sour cream with 2 tablespoons of water and drizzle over casserole and sprinkle cheese * cilantro.  I just put the sour cream on with cheese.  6 servings.

I found this recipe very dry.  Corn tortillas are dry to begin with, and my chicken was so finely shredded - I wonder if that could have added to the dryness.  I liked the way the corn tortillas baked - but it needs something else.  I actually put a small packet of taco bell fire sauce on a little bit, it helped, so I wonder if adding some salsa or avocado or something.  Not bad...but needs improvement.

Eggplant Rollatini
I bought a small eggplant, I wasn't actually thinking about making this when I went shopping - I was just going to bake some, but since I happen to have ricotta and mozzarella cheese because I planned to make a calzone this week.  So I sliced the eggplant and added the ricotta, mozzarella cheese, Parmesan cheese, egg, and dry spinach and rolled up. I topped with vodka sauce because I had some left over from last week, and a little more Parmesan cheese.

It was very tasty.

Eggplant - $3.24
Ricotta $1.99
Mozzarella $0.40
Parmesan Cheese $1.40
Sauce $1.33
Egg $0.21

Total $8.57, 2 servings would be $4.29 each or 3 would be $2.85

Miss Awesomeness

Imagine my reaction when I see a comment like this:


from this post

 I mean, Yeah, I know that I am a fairly cool/great person...but I didn't think other people saw that in me...and what is even better? This person doesn't even know me.  Thank you Anonymous you really made my day and boosted my self esteem just when I needed it!!

Again, readers, thank you for reading & commenting!   Most of the time your email is disabled or you post anonymously (which is totally fine, and I still appriciate it) but I can't write you back, but please know that I read EVERYTHING I get and thank you for all your feedback  - both positive and negitive.

Interruptions & Apologies

Did you catch How I Met Your Mother on Monday? (Ducky Tie)  I don't think I need to remind you that I love that show - perhaps because they touch on subjects that are all too familiar to me.

This past week, two things caught my attention.  The first is a horrible thing my family has gotten into since the arrival of all the kids...that it takes hours to finish one conversation.  The story Ted was telling the gang about Victoria was spread out over three different locations...and was constantly being interrupted but then they went back to it.   My family does this a lot...and unfortunately, it has been rubbing off on me even without them.  I can be talking about one thing, need to stop to say something, and then go back to what I was saying before; if I remember.  I know this has become annoying -especially to me, so I have been trying to work on that.

The second thing was the reconnection of Ted & Victoria.  They see each other after 6 years and they have that connection still...and then she says she is engaged...to the guy from Germany, who she started seeing only 1.5 days after Ted & her broke up.  Granted Ted cheated on her with Robin, but he never stopped feeling guilty about it.  Ted says "I spent the last 6 years feeling like I betrayed you...but you know what?  ....  I would never forget it or never stop regretting it because what we had meant that much to me, I wish it meant that much to you too."  Victoria claims that she loved Ted but that she had to see Ted again to know that the other guy was the right thing. 

I want that.  I want SI to reach out just when I am finally happy...and to tell me, seriously - with meaning...that he loved me and regretted his decisions.  That not a day goes by that he doesn't think of me for just a moment and/or to think about how his decisions affected a lot more people than just himself.  I doubt that will ever happen because I am not sure if he has or is capable of feelings, and I doubt that he would ever go out of his way to reconnect with me (more importantly when the time mattered to me - when I am happier than he is.  He'll know when that is; fate is funny like that). 

My favorite male celebrities

People are always asking what actors I think are good-looking, and I have a hard time with this, because I can't seem to ever remember, aside from George Clooney that is.  But there are other people that at times catch my eye.  The guys listed below are consistently good-looking in my eyes - in NO particular order whatsoever.  I didn't include the guys that are good looking in one movie but then not in the next...that just gets too confusing.

George Clooney
Ah, George Clooney has been on my list since I saw One Fine Day in 1997.  He has gotten even better looking as he is aging. I really love the way a guy looks around this time of their life.


source

Nathan Fillion
I started to watch Castle last year, and I think he can be quite adorable and charming. An 'average' guy.


source

Josh Radner
I've been watching How I Met Your Mother since it started, and I think Josh Radner is cute and has a witty personality...or maybe I like Ted; I don't really know much about Josh.


source

Mark Walburgh
Remember Marky Mark?  I don't so much.  Mark Walburgh first stood out to me in Rockstar, but I've seen him in other movies or even a 60 minutes episode about him and - as like George - the older he gets, the better looking he gets.

Matthew McConaughey
I'm not sure what I like about Matthew...maybe it is those piercing blue eyes? The smile? I normally think of him with medium length hair (with blond in it) but when I was searching for pictures to post - I found a few pictures with short hair..and at first I didn't even recognize him, he looks way more serious...but still good looking.


long hair

short hair

Richard Gere
Another 'classic'.  Richard Gere has a great smile and squinty eyes.

Hugh Grant

An unlikely choice...but when you see a good picture of Hugh, can you really say that he isn't somewhat cute?  Maybe in a class clown kind of way, but sometimes his looks combined with that accent is enough to make me say aahh.

Harrison Ford
When I think of Harrison, I think of a stereotypical American Man.  Man is the key word there - he seems like the kind of guy that would do all that hard house/yard work, have great sex, and hug you until you popped.  I think Harrison is very good looking, he has nice skin color, nice eyebrows, a good nose.  Good features and strong  name.

Michael Weatherly
NCIS is more fun after this guy grows on you.  He has a great smile, nice eyes, and seems so easy-going and relaxed.

John Stamos

Had a crush on him watching Full House - and he hasn't changed much since!  Great dark hair, nice eyebrows.

Matthew Fox

First time I saw him was on Party of Five.  Then there were a few other things - but LOST made it more clear that Matthew Fox is a hottie.  Love either his rugged look or his clean cut look.

Chris Noth

Big brown hair, thick eyebrows, dark eyes, sexy sly smile.

(star sighting:  2/19/2014...he looked much older in person, but still attractive)
(star sighting:  2/25/2014...he looked a little younger this week, still attractive)

Dennis Quaid
I kept going back and forth adding him.  But he is a cute everyday man. 

So what do all these guys have in common?   Who are some of your celebrity favorites?

...and yes, Brad Pitt is missing. I've never had a thing for him.

Saugerties Garlic Festival 2011

My first food festival was all the way back in September 2005 when I went to the Buffalo Wing Festival...which I loved. 

Buffalo Wing Festival September 2005

Since then I've had a desire to go to other festivals...but money and travel seem to be a bit of a problem for me these days.  Last October I found out about the Saugerties Garlic Festival, and as luck would have it...it had past.  Since I've been trying to do new things, I made sure I put this on my calendar a year ago so I wouldn't forget...and I didn't.  I convinced my sister to take the short trip up there with me.

Over the last few years, I've added more garlic to my cooking and decided I liked garlic now.  But I was not prepared for a festival-level of garlic.  I mean, I use the white ones in the grocery store; I never heard of the 67 or so varieties they had there! 

To be honest some of the smell at times was a little overwhelming.  My first sample was a garlic pickle  -which my sister & I loved. Yum, I love pickles. 

Next we browsed the booths trying to decide what Denise would try or buy.  Sister really doesn't like garlic.  I sampled a salsa that was good but it was still early and I wasn't ready to buy anything.  A while later there were a lot of people in one booth so I go in and buy a jar of recommended mango-tomato salsa and two garlic donuts - one sugar one not.  My sister and I split both donuts to try each.  She practically vomits, and I manage to eat 1/4 of each one - I liked the sugar one better, it helped deflect the garlic.  OK, so not the smartest choice.  I wasn't ready to try garlic ice cream; although if my brother-in-law went, we may have tried it.  Next I tried a few garlic-butter popcorn pieces, it was a little too much for me.  That sauce would have been amazing on pasta...but on pop-corn, I had a hard time and threw about my almost full container.  The garlic festival wasn't really working for me.

We continued to walk around and looked at all the vendors - we were surprised to see some garlic fudge or garlic smores among a few other rarities.  We picked up some of Gary's Pickles (these are a favorite from our Stormville Flea Market days) and headed out after being there about 90 minutes.

Oh, I forgot to mention that it was unbelievably humid and I had to take off my sweater, so I was walking around wearing a tight bright orange tank-top...not the best...but what choice did I have other than passing out?  Also, it rained a bunch the day/s before, so the place was very muddy.  On my way out driving through the mud I was sliding all over the place, and was really happy that I didn't get stuck!

garlic popcorn (the humidity was horrible)

salsa :)



the mud was crazy

Love is a two way street

Saturday evening I ended up helping a friend pack her stuff up out of her and her boyfriend's apartment - never an easy thing to do.  I needed to help her with this because I know how difficult it is, even though the circumstances are different and she was the one to decide it was over...it is still never easy to know that the last Xmonths will be a (bad) memory.

While she needed the support and someone to help not with the packing, but to keep her on track and to hug her when she broke down I needed to keep her focused on the future and take control...since I did it all wrong 5 years ago, and I didn't have someone to help guide me.  I needed to be that guide, that person to explain what feelings were coming, and to confirm what she was currently feeling and to cry with her (since these things always make my memories feel like they were yesterday) because I knew exactly what she was feeling and going through. 

She was very admirable during packing, refolding his clothes and putting his shoes on the shelf, vacuuming the floors, etc. I think she was still more or less in shock until we were all done and the boxes were piled and she was left alone to think.

She of course feels like she didn't try enough - but she did, everyone knows that except for her.  Well, really, except for anyone that is going through this. Even I thought I didn't try enough...but I did.  It is the other person who is a coward that either wants to have 'that talk' via text message, cheats but strings you along because they are too much of a wimp to breakup with you, would rather pet sit then come home knowing you were packing up but say that it is a mistake, etc.  It's never like someone packs up their stuff and breaks up over one little instance.  When you are in love and when you live with someone, the decision is really hard to stay or to leave; a lot of thought was put in, and you tried to convey to the other person how unhappy you are...that you want to be happier...can you work it out? Can you spend some alone time together? It isn't asking a lot.  It isn't that you are asking for big changes.  You are willing to forgive and forget - provided you see that he understands why you are upset and explains why you shouldn't be insecure/upset about it.  You just need to know that they want what you want too and you want to be happy with them, more than anything.  You might get on their nerves because they aren't on the same page as you, but they don't say anything...and you turn out to be a  'psycho' when it all could have been avoided.  You may have already given an ultimatum which you didn't follow through with because you are hopeful that the one threat would make them realize how great the two of  you are together...and work it out.  Unfortunately, a lot of people would rather give up than try...it is sad & I am glad I am not one of them.

So then why is he in 'shock' that you are leaving?  You told him, there were signs, and he eventually took you for granted.  He didn't think you'd be courageous enough to leave; because he wasn't.  So maybe it did shock him a little...that you were more courageous than he gave you credit for.  So why then, when it is essentially your decision, are you the one that hurts more?  Because he kept ignoring you that there was an issue and that could be because he was already checked out. 

I thought it was a good thing on Saturday that my friends boyfriend (or ex) was not there. It was just the two of us.  We were able to concentrate and were efficient in getting what we needed done.  When I packed up some of my stuff day #2 (I made a rash decision one day, in shock really when I discovered what I did - and didn't really think the whole moving out.breakup thing) and SI was there...he'd keep saying things like he loved me, we went out to dinner, we had sex but yet...he HELPED me pack.  What kind of mixed message is that?  I love you so  much baby...but you can't get out of here fast enough [so my mistress can move in].  I am really glad that my friend didn't have to deal with that; but she was already beating herself up because their last words were via text and he didn't fight for her to stay. 

I am not really sure what the point of this post is.  So, I guess...if you are going to break up with someone and if you live together, when you move out it is best that your other is not there.  Also, don't continue to talk to them for Xmonths/years buying their lies that they want you to move back home after you leave.  Sure, this does work out for some people...and if you are both good people and BOTH parties are willing to do what it takes, then go for it.  If there is nothing I believe more it is that love is huge and important and you don't give up on it easily when you know someone is that special to you.  But if you feel that you aren't being treated right (physically or emotionally) then you probably aren't.  If the person can't do a few easy little things to reassure to you that you  have nothing to worry about, then that person is still lying to you. You can love someone unconditionally, but if they don't love you back, the relationship can not work.  Love is a two way street - and it really sucks when you are stuck on a one-way love street.

Beef Barley Soup & Sesame Ginger Slow-Cooker Chicken

Beef Barley Soup
I had beef barley soup once a few years ago, so I decided to make it this week's soup. I had a bag of barley in my cabinet for about a year because I wanted to try new things...I just never got around to it.  Since I didn't have a lot of experience with this soup, I had a hard time finding one to try, since I can't really compare it.

I found this recipe here. I liked that it was a testimonial from a regular person - as opposed to a chef, what I didn't like, is that it says approximately, about, 4-5, etc. I like exact; but I decided to try it anyway.

It was simple to prepare - browning the beef, cutting the veggies and measuring the liquids.  I liked that the recipe had time in between to prepare for the next step (like cutting the vegetables when the wine was reducing).  The only downfall I found was that my barely did not become tender in the 45 minutes, I had to put it back on for about 20 more minutes.

2 LB Stew Beef   $7.91
4 ribs Celery        $0.60
1 med. Onion       $0.16
5 Carrots             $1.20       
4 cloves Garlic     $?   from a jar
1/3 cup Parsley    $0.65
1 Tb Rosemary    $ 0.83
1 cup Red Wine  $2.74
2 (14.5oz) cans Beef broth   $2.00
1 cup Pearled Barley           $1.10  (mine wasn't pearled)
3 TB Vegetable Oil             $0.30
Salt/Pepper

Total $17.49 so that would be about $3.50 per serving, assuming 5 servings.

Essentially, all you do is cut up the beef in bite sized pieces, throw that into a pot with oil.  Add salt & pepper to it.  Brown.  Then add the onion, garlic, rosemary and parsley. Stir.  Add red wine and stir, scraping the bottom of pot.  Reduce wine by half (I am not sure I think I waited about 15 minutes or so - I forgot to look to see how high it was).  Add carrots and celery. Add beef stock - I used 1 1/2 cans (used the other half later - so I guess 2+ cans would have been fine now, I guess it depends on how many/big your vegetables are - you need enough to cover the top).   Bring to a boil and then a low simmer for 55 minutes. 
Add barley to pot, and more broth if needed.  Simmer additional 45 minutes or until barley is tender.
Because I had to low boil the barley an additional 20 minutes (and my barley was still a little crunchy) more of the broth evaporated, so I added water to the pot.  The beef was as tender as could be (I also used top round London broil) and the carrots/celery had a good taste.  Like all grains - I had to add more water before I heat it up for lunch because the broth got absorbed.  Overall I liked it, and would make again.

Sesame Ginger Slow-Cooker Chicken


When I found this recipe (click link above from where I found it) I was drawn to it immediately because it isn't your 'typical' slow-cooker food.  Also, since I used boneless chicken thighs last week - I thought it was easy - my problem was this week they weren't on sale and they were filled with fat...I don't mind cutting up chicken, but there is only so much fat cutting/pulling I could handle-It would have been easier to use boneless breasts but that might now be my own personal preference for non-boned chicken.

2 LBs boneless, skinless chicken thighs   $8.20

1 bag (16 oz) ready-to-eat baby carrots $1.89
2 Tbsp grated fresh ginger root               $0.32           
1/2 cup chicken broth                             $0.50
1/4 cup honey                                        $0.73
2 tsp sesame oil                                      $0.60
1 tsp dried minced garlic                        I didn't have this.
1/4 cup soy sauce                                  $0.53
3 Tbsp cold water                                 free from tap
3 Tbsp corn starch                                $0.12
1 Tbsp sesame seed, toasted                 $0.23
2 green onions, sliced with tops             I didn't use

Total $13.12 so that is about $3.28 per serving, assuming 4 servings

After a ton of fat cutting from my chicken, I think I ended up with maybe only a little over 1 pound of chicken.  Anyway, add the chicken to the slow cooker that is sprayed with cooking spray.  Top the chicken with carrots and ginger.  In a separate bowl, combine the broth, honey, sesame oil and garlic; mix then pour on top of chicken.  Slow cook for 7 hours on low. 

When the chicken is ready, use a slotted spoon to remove chicken and carrots and put in covered serving dish while you are preparing the next part.  Strain the cooking liquid and and to pot.  In small bowl combine water, corn starch, and soy sauce; pour this liquid into the pot and cook on high until it starts to bubble.  Pour liquid over chicken and carrots and put the sesame seeds on top.  Serve with rice.

My thoughts? Making the sauce at the end was neat so see how thick and dark it got...with a good taste.  I heated up some rice (since I made it hours before) and put a few carrots and chicken on top.  My first bite tasted a bit, I don't know, burnt? I think it was from my toasted seasame seeds (I never toasted them before, I may have over done it) BUT the chicken and carrots were as tender as could be.   I am going to say this recipe will make it into my collection - I would make it again.  HOWEVER...it is best when 'fresh' as in eat it when it's ready.  It heated OK on the stove, but it just wasn't as good.

Hey guys...so yeah, lesson learned about not blogging when you are drunk (second to last paragraph from this morning's post - the other part was written earlier in the day yesterday).

Also, I need to remember that I should eat when I drink.  I normally don't because I don't want to have to drink 10 drinks to get drunk.  Saves money with not buying food & not buying extra drinks.

I'm calling it quits...

....No, not with my job yet...but thank you for thinking of that right away! 

I am calling it quits with Cop#1.  This should have been done three years and nine months ago, after my first mistake.  I was still talking to SI and I had hoped he would have been furious about this and won me back; he did not.  Instead, on rare occasion, I have been a very bad person and allowed this to continue.  The good news is that I have zero emotional feelings towards Cop#1...I just found him sexy and I liked his penis a lot.  He turned me on in a matter of seconds and he is the only person I have sent inappropraite photos to aside from the at-the-time-boyfriend.  It was always just a very physical 'relationship' (I use that term very lightly) and it never had any chance of going anywhere.

While we were chatting, he told me that I could replace him so quickly...and that got me thinking - how do you replace a casual sex participant?  Do I go into a bar, get a little tipsy and just announce that I am looking for someone to semi-regularly boink me?  I don't even want to know the creeps I'd get.  Or for that matter any kind of diseases.  I like to 'play it safe' and not sleep around.  So I guess I'll be taking another long sex-sabbatical.  Have pity & say a prayer for me.

In August I was at this picnic with my family - and I was getting a bit tipsy and was talking to Doofy about the possibility of getting laid that night...my sisters stormed off like I embarrassed them.  Somehow I became my family's slut...and the best part is - my number is crazy low for my age AND I don't sleep around.  The problem of course is that all the coupled people don't understand that a single person still needs sex - if I had someone to regularly do it with (a boyfriend) then I wouldn't need to find these other placeholders (well, they aren't people I like - on the off chance that I met someone I do, it is easy to end it with them) that I don't date, just sleep with when the need arises.

Seriously, what the f*uck has happened to my life?  I have such a hard time imagining that 7-9 years ago I was on top of the world.  I don't know why I haven't been able to have a 'normal' life since then - everyone else seems to have one - even the a*sholes that screwed me over.  Sure, I've traveled a little, I have my own place, etc but that isn't enough for me.  I AM open to it, I am not still waiting on a miracle that won't come, all I need is a decent single person to come around and say "hi" and be a little persistent when I have a hard time making conversation because I am new at it. That is all it would take...a "Hello" and then a decent conversation and next thing I know I'll be married running after my little boy & girl.

So I got a little drunk tonight...9 drinks or so...and Doofy wouldn't even have sex with me, instead he made me cry.   What is wrong with me?  I want to have sex without feelings and one guy comes along and argues with me that I need to have feelings...and on top of that Bank Boy was all up my butt tonight about why I never gave him a chance to date me...that he would LOVE to get dinner or drinks or see a movie with me.  obviously I can't date bank boy.  Even Doofy seemed like a guy I could get laid to take out my work frustrations, but that failed miserably, instead, I am left alone with with tears in my eyes thinking what I did wrong.   Don't guys want casual sex?  If  I can't succeed in that ... what kind of hope do I have for the future? Damn you SI...you are ruining everything - you were supposed to be the last person I had sex with. even the guy I pegged to just want to have sex isn't willing to do it.  Am I not willing to open up and have feeling because deep down I am afraid that I will never have a connection like that? I am afraid to fall for the wrong guy?  I don't know what is wrong with me and now I feel worse about myself than I did 12 hours ago.  The good thing is that Doofy says it like it is and he brought up some great points...but after a year, we still can't have sex...that isn't a good sign.  Why do I need to be drunk - HSK was the last guy I was able to do it sober with...and it was quite amazing and I did it with Cop#1 sober or with 2 drinks...nothing drunk crazy...so what IS my problem?  Is it me? is it him? is it the whole circumstances? I don't know.

I just want love..and in the mean time...this pursuing other options isn't really working for me- I might just have to give up until I meet my fh.

:( crazily frustrated

@noreply

Hey, do any of my readers with their own blogs know why when people leave a comment - it is now shown in my email as @noreply?  This makes it impossible for me to acknowledge my readers. I really liked it when I was able to email them back...so please help!

And until then...for those that do leave comments...I see them, I just can't reply - not because I don't want to.

Thanks!

hot pink

In the sea of commuter neutrals, I am walking to work in a hot pink fleece.

Funny thing about that?  I was never a pink person.  One of the first times I wore pink was when I participated in a breast cancer walk 4 years ago.  The realization that morning when I was trying to select something pink was astonishment that I only had ONE pink item...a short sleeve polo shirt that SI's parents gave to me one Christmas (with a bunch of other stuff). 

In the last two years I decided I wanted to expand my wardrobe colors...so it wasn't all black, purple, maroon and brown.   Little by little I started to add colors.  Green, blue, gold, red, white and a little pink.  I have about 5 tops that are bright pink...and I have to say, I actually like them.  Maybe not so much the color itself, but I like the way my dark hair goes with it; I feel like it looks a little more eye-popping than a basic color.

Over the summer Underarmour was having a sale and since I hope my fh is a little 'active' in the outdoors, I picked up two tank tops, one leggings, and three fleeces.  The half zip fleece is a nice purple, and the full zip fleece is hot pink (they call it something else).  It is great for this time of year when it is a little chilly and you are still wearing short sleeves.  In fact, it works so well, I get a little hot with it on.

So on my third day of walking to work wearing this fleece, I am stuck wondering...why am I so different from all the other commuters?  Do I want to stand out?  After all, I am a Leo...so standing out could be a possibility.  People notice different - and maybe deep down in my subconscious, I want to be seen and even approached by a decent looking guy.   I am not saying this hot pink fleece will lead me to my fh...but one can dream right?