Love is a two way street

Saturday evening I ended up helping a friend pack her stuff up out of her and her boyfriend's apartment - never an easy thing to do.  I needed to help her with this because I know how difficult it is, even though the circumstances are different and she was the one to decide it was over...it is still never easy to know that the last Xmonths will be a (bad) memory.

While she needed the support and someone to help not with the packing, but to keep her on track and to hug her when she broke down I needed to keep her focused on the future and take control...since I did it all wrong 5 years ago, and I didn't have someone to help guide me.  I needed to be that guide, that person to explain what feelings were coming, and to confirm what she was currently feeling and to cry with her (since these things always make my memories feel like they were yesterday) because I knew exactly what she was feeling and going through. 

She was very admirable during packing, refolding his clothes and putting his shoes on the shelf, vacuuming the floors, etc. I think she was still more or less in shock until we were all done and the boxes were piled and she was left alone to think.

She of course feels like she didn't try enough - but she did, everyone knows that except for her.  Well, really, except for anyone that is going through this. Even I thought I didn't try enough...but I did.  It is the other person who is a coward that either wants to have 'that talk' via text message, cheats but strings you along because they are too much of a wimp to breakup with you, would rather pet sit then come home knowing you were packing up but say that it is a mistake, etc.  It's never like someone packs up their stuff and breaks up over one little instance.  When you are in love and when you live with someone, the decision is really hard to stay or to leave; a lot of thought was put in, and you tried to convey to the other person how unhappy you are...that you want to be happier...can you work it out? Can you spend some alone time together? It isn't asking a lot.  It isn't that you are asking for big changes.  You are willing to forgive and forget - provided you see that he understands why you are upset and explains why you shouldn't be insecure/upset about it.  You just need to know that they want what you want too and you want to be happy with them, more than anything.  You might get on their nerves because they aren't on the same page as you, but they don't say anything...and you turn out to be a  'psycho' when it all could have been avoided.  You may have already given an ultimatum which you didn't follow through with because you are hopeful that the one threat would make them realize how great the two of  you are together...and work it out.  Unfortunately, a lot of people would rather give up than try...it is sad & I am glad I am not one of them.

So then why is he in 'shock' that you are leaving?  You told him, there were signs, and he eventually took you for granted.  He didn't think you'd be courageous enough to leave; because he wasn't.  So maybe it did shock him a little...that you were more courageous than he gave you credit for.  So why then, when it is essentially your decision, are you the one that hurts more?  Because he kept ignoring you that there was an issue and that could be because he was already checked out. 

I thought it was a good thing on Saturday that my friends boyfriend (or ex) was not there. It was just the two of us.  We were able to concentrate and were efficient in getting what we needed done.  When I packed up some of my stuff day #2 (I made a rash decision one day, in shock really when I discovered what I did - and didn't really think the whole moving out.breakup thing) and SI was there...he'd keep saying things like he loved me, we went out to dinner, we had sex but yet...he HELPED me pack.  What kind of mixed message is that?  I love you so  much baby...but you can't get out of here fast enough [so my mistress can move in].  I am really glad that my friend didn't have to deal with that; but she was already beating herself up because their last words were via text and he didn't fight for her to stay. 

I am not really sure what the point of this post is.  So, I guess...if you are going to break up with someone and if you live together, when you move out it is best that your other is not there.  Also, don't continue to talk to them for Xmonths/years buying their lies that they want you to move back home after you leave.  Sure, this does work out for some people...and if you are both good people and BOTH parties are willing to do what it takes, then go for it.  If there is nothing I believe more it is that love is huge and important and you don't give up on it easily when you know someone is that special to you.  But if you feel that you aren't being treated right (physically or emotionally) then you probably aren't.  If the person can't do a few easy little things to reassure to you that you  have nothing to worry about, then that person is still lying to you. You can love someone unconditionally, but if they don't love you back, the relationship can not work.  Love is a two way street - and it really sucks when you are stuck on a one-way love street.