Day 04 - Something you have to forgive someone for

Oh, today must be my lucky day. I have already done this, so I am going to just add a link.

http://deniserandomthoughts.blogspot.com/2010/06/forgiveness-101.html

Day 03 - Something I have to forgive myself for

Well, this is no secret.  I need to forgive myself for believing in someone for too long, and putting my life on hold while they figured it out - to later realize it won't ever work out.  I gave SI the opportunity to 'fix' his life, to take the time to do what he needed, while I waited for him to come back.  I was so sure that things would go in my favor and work out.  Maybe I was too understanding of the whole mess.  I ended up wasting precious time - the time of our lives that is supposed to be the best, but it hasn't.  Not at all.  I think about where I am in my life, and I get upset and it all stems from this.  I need to forgive myself for making the decision that his life was, I don't know, more important than mine - or whatever that I allowed him to carry on his life, while I was miserable. waiting.  If it worked out in my favor, maybe I'd be ecstatic and think it was the best decision...but I guess it was a gamble, that I lost.

The good news is that in the last 2 weeks (from the 4 year un-anniversary) I have gotten 'better' and I think I am starting to forgive myself.  :) woo-who.

Day 02 - Something you LOVE about yourself...or things I really like about me

I have been thinking about what I love about myself for about a week.  I keep sitting here, wanting to blog, but I am stumped. I wanted to skip this, but that defeats the purpose.  Is that horrible? I like a lot of things about me, but what is worthy of me writing and telling you all what I LOVE about me.  In fact, this is proving to be so difficult, that I might decide to do a larger list for my 'homework' with my life coach.  I think knowing positive things about you helps you become more secure in who you are (which is one of my goals for my 30s).

So, until then, I need to move on.  So you will have to settle for 31 things that I like a lot about me (in no particular order):

I am:

1. opinionated but open minded
2. honest
3. sensitive
4. sweet
5. caring
6. understanding
7. a bit of a romantic
8. thoughtful
9. organized
10. analytical
11. a morning person
12. willing to try new foods
13. able to tan easily (no fake baking here)
14. slightly interested in a lot of different things
15. always willing to learn
16. able to give my love to someone worthy of it
17. close to my family, and love it most of the time
18. a fantastic aunt
19. conscious of money and try not to spend more than I have to
20. able to support myself (even if it is on the low end!)
21. loyal
22. smart
23. a leader
24. proud of my straight teeth (thanks to braces)
25. resourceful
26. traditional
27. laid back
28. OK with my curvy body (not saying it doesn't need a little refining)
29. comfortable touring an area alone, or traveling alone (not to beach like area) to explore new places
30. an avid reader
31. interested in helping others

Reply All...

I received an email this morning that just kinda pissed me off.  My family has been going back and forth trying to set up a weekend getaway to visit friends.  But today, the email was a reply all.  There was no need for a reply all email and that for some reason, infuriated me today.  Not all emails need to be sent to anyone that could be involved.  And don't boss me around in an email like you are superior to me with everyone else reading it.  The email did nothing for me. It was irrelevant, and we spoke about it on Friday so I already knew what you were doing...so why bother with the email?????

Sure, it is no big deal. But I get reply emails a lot at work and for whatever reason, they bother me.  Most of the time (98%) I do not need to be sent that email.  98% of the time, it goes straight into my trash.  I understand emails are more casual, which is fine, I like email.  But with all these people out there - they are making me like email less because they are not adhering to the unwritten rules. One unwritten rule: DO NOT CLUTTER MY INBOX!  Sure, I was able to get rid of all those stupid forwards people send me...but these ridiculous reply all emails get to me.  Last week a FB friend messaged friends saying I lost your phone number and email, reply back with it...I didn't bother, I was actually happy she lost my contact information, but for a week, I was getting notified on all these random people I do not knows email and phone numbers.  Are people really that stupid?

I have a car

Well, I found a decent car.  I picked it up Friday evening and used it yesterday.  My new car also came with two SPIDERS.  One was inside the car the other outside.  I am scared of spiders so this was not a pleasant surprise.  I found them after scrapbooking Friday night around midnight and my sisters had to look for them but didn't locate them.  But when I arrived home, they were still there.  I hope they found a better home in someone else's car.

Anyway, back to the car; it runs well.  It gets me from A to B (which is the most important) even though it is tan.  My mom thinks I should name the car Freedom since it will give me a little more ability to go out and about when I need to.  I am not going to name my car.  Does your car have a name? I think I did name my first two cars, but I am over that ~ perhaps it has to do with my serious mood these days.  No doubt I will use the car a bit more than I have in the past, however, I think for the most part my routine will stay 90% the same.  I will still walk to the train and I will still be a homebody, but I am sure I will go out midweek a tad bit more than I have been.

Yeah, the school year begins!

Today, the school year begins again (by me).  While I do not have children, I look forward to this time of year because it means that NEW TV will soon be starting.  Although, the gal living above me is a teacher and we were up at THREE THIRTY this morning...I can't wait for the sound insulation guy to get back to me - but that is a different story.

I know that is an unbelievably sad statement, but I look forward to watching NEW tv.  I have basic cable, so my tv viewing options in the summer is slim and I end up watching things I don't really enjoy just to watch something.  I started to write down what shows will be on what days in what time slots and are taking notice of brand new shows that can fill the voids of shows that ended (lost, 24, etc).  Then I get to add the shows to my DVR so they will record, and then I will be overwhelmed with TV on those early dark nights where I do not want to leave the house.

So, what will I be recording? (This is where you may start saying prayers that I will find my prince charming so I can get out of the house...and not watch so much TV).  Don't forget fast fowarding commericals will take about 1/3 of the time off :)   If you watch a great new show (on basic tv)...tell me about it, so I can check it out.

key - I am not sure about this one yet...I'll watch one and then decide.  A favorite.  Watched last year, but might not watch again this year

Monday -
8pm - How I Met Your Mother (CBS)
9pm - 2 1/2 Men (CBS)
9pm - The Event (NBC)
10pm - Castle (ABC)

Tuesday -
8pm - NCIS (CBS)
8pm - Glee (FOX)
9pm - NCIS LA (CBS)
9pm - Raising Hope (Fox)
9:30pm - Running Wilde (Fox)

Wednesday -
8pm - Survivor (CBS)
8pm - The Middle (ABC)
8:30pm - Better with You (ABC)
9pm - Modern Family (ABC)
9pm - Hell's Kitchen (FOX)
9:30pm - Cougar Town (ABC)

Thursday -
8pm - The Big Bang Theory (CBS)
9pm - Grey's Anatomy (ABC)
9pm - Fringe (FOX)
10pm - Private Practice (ABC)

Friday -

Saturday -

Sunday -
8pm - Amazing Race (CBS)
9pm - Desperate Housewives (ABC) 

Westmoreland Sanctuary

Westmoreland Sanctuary is a 625 acre nature preserve nestled in Bedford.  There are 13 short trails that total 7.5 miles.  The trail map is easy to understand and the 'hikes' were easy compared to others in the area, but still enjoyable.  Would be a great place to bring children for them to start appreciating nature.

We saw fallen trees with these amazing, vibrant orange fungus growths.  There were many large mushrooms throughout the trails. 


Westmoreland Sanctuary
260 Chestnut Ridge Road
Bedford Corners,  NY 10549
914-666-8448
http://www.westmorelandsanctuary.org/

Day 01 - Something you hate about yourself

Denise at somewhat of a spectacle started a 30 days of truth series of posts: Thirty days, thirty questions, thirty ways for you to get to know me better... and for me to be honest with myself.  I looked through and loved the idea with some topics that are interesting or really make me think. I thought it would be a good challenge, however, I will not be doing it in 30 days, since, there are other things I want to post about, so I will be doing it on those days that I am not sure what to post. But I'll add a page where you can easily click to whatever you want to know/read about.  Perhaps I will even go above 30...we will see.


Today's post is "Something you hate about yourself". 

Wow, Let's get right to it huh? This is really making me think.  What do I hate about myself? I guess there are a few things I don't like very much, like I sweat a lot, my feet tend to smell, I have huge boobs, but that isn't want I want to pick apart.  Let's get a little deeper.

1)  I guess I hate that I put too much trust into people. I give everything I can, and I find I don't get much back in return.  There are many times I feel people take advantage of my good nature and then just assume I will always be there for them.  Sometimes, I let them control me, just so I can be a part of something.  I succumb to being belittled or used.  Lately, I have been noticing this, and have been trying to pull away, trying to not let it happen. So, it is something I am working on.  However, I also don't want to withdrawal too much and be left with nothing.  It is a hard balance.  I also worry that my past will make it hard for me to really fully trust anyone again {like in the picture, I will always catch someone, but when I fall, people will scatter}. 

2)  I tend to take the easy way out.  My job for instance. I have been bored for three years, but I stay here because finding a job is exhausting.  I took the job, not because it is what I wanted, but because at the time, it worked better in my life. It allowed me low stress, and flexibility that I can be home and have dinner made for my man...but since that didn't work out, I stayed here, thinking we'd get back together and it would all work out.  It hasn't.  So, now, 4 years later, I am re-looking for a job.  I know I am smart, but I feel now I lost out on opportunities because I have waited to long to look into them.  Example 2 - I research everything. Hours and hours.  But when it comes down to making a decision, I end up not doing anything because it is just easier. 

Reject me for the right reason

You know what I hate?  Well, one of the many things - is that when you apply for a job, which is a step below you and you receive a standard letter informing you "Unfortunately you do not meet the minimum requirements for this job".  I laugh and say to myself...No, I EXCEED them. I am not just qualified, I am over qualified.  I understand you don't want to fill a position because I have too much experience and you fear I will get bored and move around...but have a standard letter for that too. And don't be afraid to hire me if I require slightly more pay that you were willing to pay - because long term, the benefits of hiring someone smart and motivated will pay off and areas that were a struggle will diminish and the company/department may function better.  Do I even want to work for a company that can not be honest in their reason for not wanting to even met you in person? 

I also hate that you apply for a job whether below you or not, and they send you a notice stating other applicants were selected but thank you...and than that job stays open for months.  Why bother seeking resumes and getting our hopes up, for something you don't necessarily plan to fill, or that you are being too picky in your selection. 

Sure, there are times when I apply for a job even though I do not have experience in one area they are seeking, but I am a smart person, how hard can the job be? It just takes a little time and I would get the hang of it without a problem.  I do not want to do exactly what I do now in another company, I want to do something similar but different.  Instead, these companies don't even bother and are missing out on really great workers.  Yes, I am allowed to say it.  I think I am a really good worker.  Not that you can tell, since I blog at work...but I am slow these days and my job has become very routine and I work really fast...but that is why I want a new job.  One that challenges me, keeps me busy and of course pays better.  Is it really this hard to find something else?

I have been thinking about moving a lot lately, and I wonder, if it is this hard to find a job locally, how do people manage to move and find a new job?  I wonder if I should look into recruiters in cities I am considering, but I fear they will not take me seriously.  Ugh, it is frustrating.

Open call for set-up

I've blogged about being single and how hard it is to find a decent man to date.  I've even mentioned match-makers that I can not afford.  But then I realized...the best way to meet people is through people you know so why not offer those people something?  I realized I wasn't tapping in on the social networking sites to help find me a date.  So, I posted an open call to my friends that if someone set me up on a date I would offer them a reward.  If the dates turned into dating, another reward, if dating turned into marriage a HUGE reward.   I was optimistic that people would read it and think, you know- I DO know someone.  But I only received one response from someone who would keep me in mind...doesn't sound to optimistic.  I started to wonder, perhaps some of my FB friends hide my status (I do this to a LOT of my 'friends') so it is possible that many aren't seeing it.  I thought it was  a good idea, but I guess not.

Back to the drawing board.

Meyer Nature Preserve

Is happiness overrated?

Source

Lately HAPPINESS has consumed my thoughts.  It could be because I have not been truly happy in five years.  And I wonder, as I am frowned down upon by family and society, if being happy is really 'normal'.  Everyone says I need to be happy...but do I?

We all know that people aren't as they seem.  Behind closed doors people who look happy might be miserable.  So why should I have to constantly put up a front to hide my feelings?   Is it to make other people feel better?  Is it because my mood effects so many others?  Don't get me wrong, I loved how I felt when I was happy.  I hope that I could be again.  Being unhappy is utterly miserable, but it is easier said than done to reverse that feeling.  At times I would rather just give up and move away to start over than to actually deal with it.  I know that is cowardly, but stewing in depression isn't helping either.  Something needs to change, and I think it would be easier to walk away then to fix it.

I have not tried anti-depressants yet, but using chemical substances to make you less un-happy seems like it somewhat defeats the purpose as well.  Even on anti-depressants, is one happy?  I was so against taking medication four years ago that I refused to agree to it.  I figured I had to work my way out by myself and not be dependant on a drug, and I hoped that in the long run, it would work so well that I would be fixed permanently.  Four years later my depression spell seems to be worse than it has been in three years and I wonder if I made the wrong choice - that I should have tried those happy pills and have been done with it.  The side effects can't be much worse than living in a fog, crying every other day, withdrawn feelings, un-motivation and of course lack of sex drive (also side effect from med).

Getting yourself out of a depression is hard.  You know it is there.  And you know you don't like it.  But you don't want to do anything to fix it.  You even know you deserve to be happy - but it seems like such a far fetched concept.

If you have been in similar situation, what has worked for you?

It's been a while, what do you want?

The other night, on the way back from the beach, sitting in bumper to bumper traffic, I received a text message from someone that was not in my contacts.  Of course I respond with "who are you" and once a name is given...I ask for a last name because surely the name provided I only know one person who decided to de-friend me a year or two ago.  Turns out it was him.  We ended up texting for quite a while.  Same story over and over again.

I am such a nice person. He feels really bad for ending our friendship.  He has been thinking about what a nice person I am and that I didn't deserve for him to stop talking to me when his life was changing.  Blah Blah Blah.  I have gotten this from 1 girl and 6 guys or so in the last 3 years.  Most of which I never even dated.  This guy - slightly different. In middle and high school we had opposite crushes on each other.  When I'd like him, he liked someone else. When he liked me, I liked someone else.  It never worked out.  At one point in college we actually made out for a little while and that was it.   He found me again a little over 4 years ago, while I was happily committed and although he asked if there was any way we could date, I said no...who knew I'd be single just a month later?  We did hang out a few times after I moved back home, but I was in no state of mind to do much of anything with a boy. I still felt like I was cheating on SI, even though I wouldn't have been.  We did make out one time and it totally freaked me out.  He ended up dating this other girl, getting her pregnant and ended up marrying her, which is why he stopped talking to me (he thought I would be a distraction -- hmm, doesn't it take two people to decide to have a relationship...I didn't want one with him).  Not a big deal.  I liked having a guy perspective, but it didn't bother me at all when we didn't talk.

I just don't get it.  I have had this happen so many times.  I understand people grow apart and don't have the desire to be friends, but I told a girl that I couldn't be her friend because I did not like the way she kept cancelling on me and causing too much drama.  You can end friendships the civilized way now that we are adults, but more than not, people just stop talking to you....but then their conscience seems to eat away at them and a few years later they miss you.  I don't have much to say in return.  The relationship will never be the same. 

Don't get me wrong, I appreciated his apology - but is it too little too late?  And what is their real motive for reaching out now? 

Review: 39dollarglasses

I saw on http://www.woot.com/ one day a special for glasses. Something like $7. I knew there had to be a catch. The frames were $7 (normally 9) but then you had to select which grade plastic lens you wanted, which ranged from $29 - $59 or something. I thought about it. I uploaded a picture of me and 'tried on' a few pairs. I couldn't decide. I didn't purchase anything.

Then I was on my insurance companies website (United) and I saw that at 39Dollarglasses you can receive a $15 off coupon code. So I started browsing again. This site didn't allow me to upload a picture of me to try on glasses, but they did have pictures of men and women with six different head shapes that you can see what it would look like. I narrowed it down to 4 pairs, then two, then flipped a coin. The glasses I ended up selecting were actually $59 (they did have $39 pairs). Only $4.95 shipping. Glasses under $50! I was excited. I proceed to checkout...and there is an option for anti-glare. $24ish. I had no idea if I needed to spend this extra money on 'backup' glasses. Since most of the time I wear my contacts, and I have a pair of glasses, I thought about this for 3 days. Finally I decided...YES anti-glare is probably a good thing. It helps at night (and my night vision is horrible), with computer screens, in pictures. I have no idea if my current glasses have anti-glare - they are 7 years old.

So, what started as a bargain hunt for something I don't even NEED, I ended up 'wasting' money I don't have on glasses. The glasses arrived super quick. They look beautiful. I try them on...they are a little big. I was able to print out a picture of the glasses, but having the 'real' version made a big difference than a paper one. I think I look funny in them...but maybe like everything, it just takes some getting used to. I looked on the website to see what they look like on those 6 female models, and theirs do seem to fit a little nicer. But, whatever, they are 'back up' which I know will get some use. And they are cheaper than buying from my eye doctor's office. I think my original glasses were around $250-3o0.

I would definitely consider ordering another pair of glasses from this website.

UnHappy Four Year Anniversary

Four years ago, my life drastically changed. Today marks my four year anniversary of moving out of our house after I discover SI's secret life. Four years. We were together a little over four years plus of course the one and a half years he constantly lied to me saying we'd get back together and therefore I didn't try to move on.

If he wasn't such a self centered inconsiderate asshole, I wonder what my life would have been like. Like most girls, I wanted to live happily ever after or the real version of that. I imagine I would have one child by now, and considering a second. We would still be living in our house in New Jersey and I would have quit my job to stay at home. Maybe we would even be considering upgrading to something a little bigger/nicer. No doubt I'd have times were I'd be agitated that his work was still a number one priority and that kept him at the office late into the evenings but since he'd be the sole breadwinner, I'd accept it.

I get very upset with myself that I allowed this charade to last so long. I was overly optimistic and hopeful and wanted to believe everything he said. I mean, who lies? I don't so I expect everyone else to tell the truth. He didn't. And I am starting to think that he still does not. After my 'forgiveness' post, we went out one day, and he filled my ears with how wonderful it was, how attracted he still is, how he thinks he can still be the one for me, how he wishes he never did what he did, how amazing I am, how I deserve to be happy, he holds my hands, etc etc. I give him another opportunity and what does he do with it -- nothing. So really, why bother saying anything like that at all to me?

I miss living with someone. I loved having someone around me when I was home. Someone to talk to about any and everything. I resolve to stop thinking SI is the one and start thinking someone better is out there. And I really hope that someone makes an appearance soon - before I give up or before I decide to become a nun.

Four years. Eight years. That is a 'long' time. Now I think about everything else that could have happened in the last four years if I didn't allow him to keep me hung up. In four years, I could have went back to school. I could have met someone, got married and had kids. I could have moved far away or started a new job. I didn't do any of that. Instead I waited for him and his promises. And I saw younger couples get married and have kids. And I moped around not understanding how people were luckier than me. I am ready for SOMETHING to happen. I need a change. I am tired of this waiting for nothing.

What is that saying. If you love someone set it free, if it comes back to you, it is yours. Well, I set mine free, and he kept saying he'd come back, he'd fly all around me teasing me that he'd land, but in the end, he didn't. He hoovers but won't land. He is not mine.

suck, crack, chew, spit. repeat.

My nephew plays baseball and this year started to eat sunflower seeds. He shared some with me one day in the car. My first time eating them. I ask if I can eat the shell, he says yes. So we much away. Salty. Not bad. Then the second time we have them, we are in the car with my father. He said not to eat the shell (and FYI so does the package...who knew there were directions for eating?). So, the lady I am, I try to crack one and eat it and nicely take the shell out of my mouth. Not worth the effort in my opinion.

Fast forward a few months, and now my dad always seems to have sunflower seeds. It is the nastiest thing. I hate being in the car with him because he is constantly spitting them out of the window when he is driving. It DISGUSTS me to no end. Just as much as chewing tobacco.

source

A few of my FAVORITE things pt1

I don't pick favorites. But, I have really been liking the following things lately:

1. Thomas thin bagel flats - taste like a bagel when toasted. Less calories. I like putting an egg on it. I don't know if I can eat it plain.
2. Tanga panties from Fredericks of Hollywood - super comfortable.
3. Emerson dual alarm clock with am/fm radio - Last year I threw my alarm clock against the wall because of my upstairs neighbor. I broke it and recently purchased an Emerson (not the picture below, I must have an older version). I love this clock. The buzzer starts off nice and soft and gradually gets louder to wake you up so you aren't rushed out of your sleep by blaring noise.

4. True Lemon - small packets that you can add right to your water bottle. I don't like lemon in my water. But for some reason, I LOVE True Lemon. I haven't tried the other flavors yet.
5. Keratin Complex Shampoo - I get the Keratin Treatment done every few months and to pick a product with out sodium chloride is hard. Baby Shampoo or the Keratin Complex Shampoo and few others. I was trying to be more economical and use the baby shampoo instead of dishing out a ton for the Keratin Shampoo, but it does make a difference and I love how my hair feels after I use it. The conditioner is good too.

I ruined a library book

I read a lot. I order my books online and pick them up from the library. Usually I am carrying 3-5 books out at a time. Add that to the ones I already have, and reading them all is a slim possibility. Recently I picked up a few books and left one in my bathroom which I never opened. The next day, I went into the bathroom to find out that my sink was dripping all night and I had a HUGE leak/overflow that saturated the book. The cover came off. The book took days to dry, and the pages got all wrinkly. I put the book under other heavy books I had, hoping they would flatten.

They didn't. So, today, I go to the library to drop off the other books and tell them I had ruined the book and need to replace it. $21.99 for

I didn't give it back to the library clerk, I figured, if I was paying to replace it, I was keeping the book! And I was OK paying for it since 1) I am the libraries best customer (I think) 2) even though I am always paying late fees, they are like 10 - 30 cents... and 3) I can even take out a movie for a whole week saving me lots of money. So $22 for everything I have taken out over the last 2 years since I lived in this town is well worth it.

I look forward to reading this book at a very leisurely rate.

Hammond Museum & Japanese Stroll Garden

The Hammond Museum is a small museum which seams like the exhibits change somewhat regularly.  When we were there, we saw “Hyper Calligraphy” Kouhei Okamoto Line Works.

Just outside the back door, is a patio that leads to the Japanese Stroll Garden which is all about balance and harmony.  The designers used in and yo (similar to yin/yang) to represent aspects of life.  The garden objects tend to be arranged in odd number groupings and in shapes, like a triangle which represents the relationship between heaven, Earth, and mankind.  A square represents different viewpoints.

The garden itself was quite small, easily walked through in under 30 minutes.  As you walk in you see a pond in front of you and to the right a Zen Garden.  There are rakes that you can use to rake the sand.

There is a Bamboo Grove that stirs with the breeze. 

The pond has a lot of lily pads and is filled with fish, turtles and frogs.  We spent the most amount of time around the pond looking at all the frogs and admiring the lily pads.

We worked our way past the pond and towards the Maple and Evergreen trees.  There was small section of vertical stones which represent the Buddhist Saints. 

There is a cafe that serves lunch from 12 - 3pm Wednesday - Sunday.  We did not eat here.

All in all, this did not live up to what I had hoped, I was a little disappointed, but at the same time, I experienced something new, and what is wrong with that?

For more information:

Hammond Museum & Japanese Stroll Garden

Deveau Road

North Salem, NY 10560

914-669-5033

http://www.hammondmuseum.org/

$5 adults

party bloopers

Last night we celebrated my sister's 30th birthday. Months ago I started asking my sisters what we should do to celebrate this milestone. No one liked my suggestions, so we did nothing. Then 2 weeks prior to her birthday they are like - so what are we doing??? I suggested just to eat, I even suggested a restaurant - however that closed. Because of that, this little party became very stressful and uncomfortable for me. I was ready months ago to plan. I do not like last minute put togethers. There were too many cooks in the kitchen that had no input until of course the last minute. I do not feel that we should be picking out catered food the afternoon before the party. I do not think sending out an email invitation a week before the party is acceptable. I have so many problems with it...and since my two other sisters (not counting the bday girl) had completely different laid back thoughts...the party was half-assed. One sister and I thought we can ask for a little money to put towards food/drinks 10 - 20, still a lot less than if we went to a restaurant. I had more food on the menu, but then we had no idea how many people would show up...they figured 10, so they cut down the food. They brought half things (chips no dip -- but I was smart enough to know them by now that I picked it up before I went over). We gave back the money and for good reason - it was ridiculous. Even one friend was like, 'this is the most ghetto party ever' and I totally agreed.

I know I am a type A. I like to plan. I don't like doing things at the last minute. I figured they didn't like thinking about this in March...they didn't like my suggestions...fine. I'll take the back seat. But doing that and watching them do nothing really annoyed me. I would rather just have done it all myself.

I feel really bad talking about my family this way. I do. I hope not to have to be in a situation like this where I take over at the last minute and I look like this unorganized unthoughtful person.

On a happier note, I drank a bottle of wine and two beers. Waking up for work this morning was tough.

Happy 100 Post

My 100th post. Wow. It seems like a lot, but it isn't at all. It seems like just a few days ago I started blogging I was off to a slow start but then jumped in full force. I had hoped that the more I blogged, the more followers I would get, but that number hasn't increased in months :( not a big deal, I know a few people read it that don't follow. I guess my blog isn't what they are looking for, and I hold no judgements on that - since everyone likes different things, and I am blogging for me more than anyone else.

My 100th post also happens to coincidentally fall on my birthday. I had a feeling at the end of last week that it might when I realized I was up in the high 90s. So, I guess this post will be a little about my first 30th year. I have a page of 30 goals for my 30s. If you haven't checked out my other pages, give it a shot. I will say that I do NOT have 30 things listed yet, but nonetheless, some are not easy to accomplish.

As I mentioned a few weeks ago, I started to see a life coach. Unbeknownst to me at the time, I was already working towards my goals. With my birthday lurking around the corner, at my meeting last week with Laura, we discussed that being with her is the stepping stone to achieving some of my goals. The goals I am working are the redish ones below. I think those need to be achieved before I can move onto other areas of self improvement.

1. Enter a new real, loving relationship. Fall hopelessly in love and get married
2. Buy a car
3. Upgrade to a nicer place to live
4. Pay down my debt (student loans, mortgage, credit card)
5. Re-evaluate friendships. End those that are toxic.
6. Start a new job with a higher salary (one I can actually afford to live on my own)
7. Travel more
8. Determine if having children (mine or adopted) is the right choice for me
9. Become more social
10. Do things that are out of my comfort zone
11. Learn to accept and embrace that I am aging
12. Make new friends that will hopefully carry through most of my life
13. Become more secure in who I am
14. Lessen my fear of bugs
15. Become a better cook/baker

So I have at least begun my work, and I have 9 more years to do it.

I also have a page of my 'bucket list' and so for my birthday, I am taking a private intro class for Tae Kwon Do to see if I will like it. I have wanted to try this for years, but money is an issue, why do things need to be so expensive? Anyway, my parents were generous enough to give me a few lessons as a birthday gift :) I will blog more about that once I've had a 'real' class.

bra strap rant

I know it is ridiculous, but it really bothers me when I see women's bras falling off their shoulders. I get that people have small breasts that do not need a lot of support, and I am jealous of that - but the bra straps should be tight enough to not fall off your shoulder, even if it is only support 10% of the weight. Also, when the straps are all twisted and bulges out your shirt a little, and you know there is something bothering you but you don't fix it. You look like trailer trash people.

If you are not trailer trash, but your straps keep falling off, it is because your bra does not fit you. Go get a free fitting at a wide variety of stores. A good fitting bra will flatter your body and improve your self image.

On a side note, I personally have a problem wearing a shirt that clearly shows my bra. I know everyone knows women wear bras so it shouldn't be a big deal, but I think it looks really tacky to wear a regular bra with lets say a racer back tank top. I have this neat little contraption that brings my straps together to hide nicely under the shirt. I also have a bra that the straps adjust and can cross, allowing them to hide. There are tons of website that sell bra straps so if they do show, they can be pretty, and I have 'clear' straps that you can see, but does look better than something else. I have a strapless bra which is next to impossible for me to put on by myself (I know that sounds horrible, but when your breasts are 34F, it is difficult) and of course the boobs look different when in a bra like that. But if I can make that kind of effort to look decent when I am in public, I expect the smaller breasted woman to do the same.

If it is going to be done, it can be done a little better - perhaps deciding on a bra that complements the shirt. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind seeing a little bra strap peaking out. I have a bigger issue with wearing lets say a halter top or a backless shirt and a normal bra, wearing one of those super cute trendy shirts that wearing a 'normal' bra is difficult - but it should be worn with taste. I bought one and went through hell to get the bra to be concealed or wore a little cardigan over it. If you are buying something 'cute' like that, don't make it un-cute by destroying how you look in it.

I have no agenda

I was cleaning out a drawer, and found this paper I was saving, but best to add to blog so I can throw away the paper! I do not remember what book I got this out of some dating/or self help book.

I liked it because it was in the here & now. And when you are sad or depressed, it is good to take things one step at a time.

"Approach a man, a date, a party, a trip thinking 'I am not seeking anything other than the experience I might have with you here this evening. I have no agenda other than discovering what it feels like to be with you, in your company, to enjoy this evening. Since there is nothing more that I want or need, I am free to show you who I am, what I think, and if I chose, how I feel'."

KISS is on my list

I didn't have many things planned for this summer, but when my brother-in-law told me about the KISS concert at Jones Beach, I knew I'd go this year.

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I grew up in the 80s but since I was still young and didn't listen to the radio until the 90s, and at which time I listened to the mainstream top 100 type of music. Mostly at the time it was Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Live, etc, and I loved some older stuff like Billy Joel, Chicago, Journey and Air Supply. I never heard of KISS.

My sister has a baby boy and as he was super tiny, he starts liking what his father likes, KISS. He had a stage when he was 5 or so, that I made a cape for him to use when playing the drums, the guitar or singing. For Halloween one year, he might have been 6 or 7, I made his a KISS cape and shirt and painted his face. There was a KISS tribute band we saw at Playland once. He is now 12, so I have known and heard him singing KISS music for about 9 years.

It's time I see what the fuss is all about, in person. It will be my nephew's 5th KISS concert, but his little brother & sister's first. I heard the show was very entertaining. I hope the weather is nice since the arena is outdoors.

Update: The weather was perfect. The show was amazing; filled with lots of action and noise. The kids loved it. I am very glad I finally went and am now better able to understand what all the talk is about. Although, I thought that Paul's voice was a little funny. I know he is in his 6os, so I don't mean scratchy & off pitch. His talking voice was had a weird accent that was bothering me. He is originally from NYC and now lives in LA or Hollywood or where ever, but that voice is neither. It almost sounded gay-like, but I was assured he is married to a beautiful lady and has children (which doesn't mean he isn't gay). Maybe that is part of the show, to talk funny. Either way, the show was fun.

Wedding thoughts

So I was on the train today with a friend from my building. We are talking about his future and his soon to be engagement and his future wedding. He has a huge family and her family is super small. I ask a few questions about ideas he might have etc. Since he has family globally that he thinks will come for a wedding, he feels he needs to do something huge, a big weekend event. I ask more questions...and he starts telling me all these ideas, expensive ones for his huge family...and later he says, 'it will be expensive, but who cares, her parents will pay for it". And i was like WHAT? Maybe the wedding, but not all that other stuff, that is unreasonable. Worst part is, my friend makes very good money.

I've often thought about my wedding, easy to do when you think you're marrying someone. Anyway, after hearing this story, I am still standing by my VERY SMALL WEDDING. Maybe immediate family only. Maybe slightly larger than that. I don't want to waste a ton of money on a wedding, and for the last 10 years or so I thought this. All of my sisters had 'normal' size weddings (150 - 200 people at a beautiful reception hall, etc) - and I really don't see the need. I guess that is one positive thing about 1) being the last in your family to marry 2) being older and smarter about money.

Society has changed is so many ways. It is acceptable to live with someone before marriage. It is acceptable to have sex before marriage. It is acceptable to get married outside of a church. In some states it is acceptable to marry someone of the same gender. Etc. So if our standards have changed, why must we assume the parents of the bride still pay for the wedding? Sure many many many years ago, the lady's parents paid the dowry (money, land, goods that a the bride brings to her husband in marriage - to help start the household) and/or a bride price and sold off their girl to a man's family. I do believe a more people are 'down to earth' in the sense that they don't believe in the traditional who pays for what; but it is shocking to me to hear a guy say that is expected when 95% of the wedding attendees will be his family.

I suppose I believe in paying what you can afford. No reason to go into debt for a wedding...especially when there is only a 40% chance it will last forever. The last thing I want it to be paying off a wedding for many years, or but my parents in a situation where they have to use retirement money on me. I'd rather them travel and do something for themselves.

A little history timeline on wedding cost for bride's family.

baby shower quizes

I went to a baby shower this weekend. It was very nice. The typical lunch, games, gifts. At one point, I turned to my sisters, after I miserably failed a 'quiz' on nursery rhymes, and said "I've known I was coming here for months, you would think I would have prepared myself". I am competitive and I only did well on only one game - tasting baby food - and still, I didn't do THAT well. I was disappointed in myself.

Oh well, next time.

Lasdon Park & Arboretum

I visited Lasdon Park and Arboretum in Somers.  This park is 234 acres and is a FREE park with a large two tier parking lot.

When I first arrived I found a board with trails, but quickly realized the trails were the kind that required sneakers and pants, so I will have to venture that way another time.  But I did go a short walk on a paved trail, the Trail of  Honor that had sculptures that represented each war the United States has been in. I took a moment at each and appreciated the men and women that participated to give us our freedom.  The trail also has a Korean War Memorial, Westchester Vietnam Memorial and the Merchant Marine Memorial.   

After the Honor Trail, I went through the main gates for the Arboretum (a collection of trees), and was welcomed by quite a beautiful garden with a fountain.  The garden had several benches around where I stopped and appreciated the quiet and beauty of the area.

I then began my journey walking on more paved trails that took me through many varieties of trees, shrubs and flowers. 

A trail diverted a bit through a more wooded area which lead to a lake and the Chinese Friendship Pavilion, which was a gift from China to the citizens of Westchester.  The pavilion was in an isolated area and was a peaceful area. 

On my way back, I walked through the Lilac Garden and was amazed at how many species were there.  However, since I went in the summer, they were not in bloom and quickly decided I would go back in the spring to see the magnificent beauty that the lilacs would provide.

Overall I really enjoyed my trip to Lasdon and will definitely go back. 

Book Review: Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough

A friend strongly recommended I read this book. So I got it out from the library and began reading. I was very turned off in the first chapter how the author goes over "how did we get here?" here of course being old and still single. She really focuses on how women are too picky and because of that are still single, and may never get married if we don't change. So, while this does make 100% perfect sense, I felt like I was left out...and all the other now single women who were NOT picky in their 20s but ended up single because their partner had lied, cheated, and whatever else and even though you maybe would want them back, everyone in the world knew that it would be the worst thing for you. We didn't think we'd be single and we didn't believe there was someone better out there. We were ready. I had my four years in a relationship and I wanted to last forever. But then I had four more years wasted in waiting for him to 'fix it' - I was left single.

It took a while to develop the reason to want to pick up the book and begin reading again. But I eventually did. Chapter two I was able to relate to more. When I was younger, like in high school or early college, I thought about checklists. But I didn't really use it. And later, I ended up dating someone who would never have been my type, but that I loved more than anything and even to this day, I look at this average not good looking guy and melt. I too thought about a matchmaker and the 'wants' versus the 'why'. Later on, it really hits home that I need to change. the, 'It's not him, it's you' section was an eye opener - but I also felt like, I've tried that, but it is a good reminder. I think I've only taken little steps and should take a bigger leap.

I kept reading. Chapter 3 Making Smarter Choices bothered me a little that so many women are like this (this picky)...but at least they seem to have an easy time finding dates. And this is where I think I realized...I won't have a problem finding love and being happy IF I CAN GET A DATE. I know enough to not be overly picky, but somethings are deal breakers. But I am willing to be more (yes, I have room to grow) open...I have even mentioned that in past posts and by trying something new. I had a hard time with all the online dating stories in the book.]

Once I got to part four, I was reading faster. "what really matters?" There have been a few times I have referred to love and marriage like a business, and I was happy to see that in this book. Four years ago, I was trying to convince SI that we made a perfect 'team' and balanced each other enough to make it run smoothly at home. I've also talked about arranged marriages - and how I am intrigued by how well they work. The book shed some light into why, and again, all the things I have spoken about are on par with the book. A good sign?

The 'business' end, of our (SI) relationship was perfect. I was fully adjusted knowing he was not the most attractive guy for me, or that it bugged me his socks were all over the house, but those weren't things that I would ever consider breaking up over. He had a lot of faults that I didn't like, but at no time would I have ever considered them deal breakers, but as it turns out, he essentially did. If he was annoyed by something I did, instead of telling me, he just went out and found my opposite and dated her also.

The idea of having someone who is good enough, is not settling, and I never believed it was. On the day I finished the book I was wearing a pink top - and the author writes, "hey you, in the pink shirt"... and I was like, yea, I'll take some of what you said and apply it to my life. This book, while written to scare women into changing, helped me realize that a lot of my ideals will eventually be correct. I am a lot more optimistic knowing that my philosophies on some areas are what many people would agree to and I was super happy to learn that kindness was the top trait (which is me).

I might not date a lot, but I know that once I find someone with the same set of values and my top three 'wants' I will be happy.

If you are young I think you should read this book. If you make lists of what you think your ideal mate should be like, I think you should read this book. If you are unhappy in your marriage, I think you should read this book. And if you are a serial dater - you should read this book.

Ramblings of work Sh*t

I get a lot of calls at my job and those people are starting to piss me off. I am utterly shocked at what people think is ok. How they believe we should bend the rules just for them. They will argue with me until hell freezes over and never think to blame themselves.

example 1. Someone failed an examination. They will call to complain about this. They will think of EVERY excuse under the book to try to get a free re-test or ask us to give them a point. HAHAHA. We will NEVER just hand out points so you can pass, and very rarely will we offer a free re-test unless the computer broke mid-exam. Hey moron, you might have failed the exam by one point...but you still missed 65 questions! Did it occur to you to actually STUDY?

example 2. They don't have the proper documentation for recertifying and expect that we can let one slide. I mean, what is 5 contact hours in the grand scheme of it all? Not enough 'proper' credits = denied.

example 3. They are now retired and not working, they want to recertify. But it clearly states, must be currently employed. Can't we just make one exception??

example 4. They moved and never notified us and their certification expired last year. Can't they still renew it, they don't want to take the hard exam over again? Why didn't we notify them. *It is their responsibility to notify us of change of address. And NO, it is their problem. Why should something this simple be a 20 minute phone conversation???

I might come across as a bitch, and I do think I am starting to become one, but I, myself, would never in a million years think to call a company and ask them to make an exception just for me, when all over their website and in their literature are the policies. Polices are there for a reason. Why do you think you are above and better than everyone else??? YOU ARE NOT. And I WILL make sure that you know it. I can argue right back (I would make an awesome lawyer, I've been told that since middle school) and these days, while I am not the happiest person, I do. I am waiting for the day when I receive my first 'complaint' letter. But people know better, can they really complain about the bitch they talked to on the phone because the information she gave was FACTS and POLICIES and because she didn't grant your request? Just because they don't like what I have to say doesn't mean they are right. Come to think of it, it doesn't make me a bitch, it makes me a GOOD employee.

Rub a dub dub...what to do in the tub?

So many people take baths to relax. My mom being someone I saw do this as her 'therapy' over the years. After a long day, she'd soak in the tub, hoping to not be disturbed (which we always did because we didn't get the idea she needed her own time to relax).

So, in conjunction with attempting to do things for me...I thought I'd take a bubble bath. I make the water really warm/hot and add vanilla bubbles. I bring my book and slowly enter the super hot water. It does feel nice. I tell myself I will stay in until the water cools. I read a little of my book.

Five minutes later, I am getting antsy. I think to myself, this ALWAYS happens. I get so bored in the tub. The few other times, I have attempted to take a bath, as an adult, I find myself thinking of other things, not relaxing, and getting anxious about what I am supposed to do in the tub. Why can't I enjoy it? How long is 'normal' to spend relaxing?

Since I couldn't think of any good reason to stay in. I get out, while the water is still quite hot. Mission failed.