Day 01 - Something you hate about yourself

Denise at somewhat of a spectacle started a 30 days of truth series of posts: Thirty days, thirty questions, thirty ways for you to get to know me better... and for me to be honest with myself.  I looked through and loved the idea with some topics that are interesting or really make me think. I thought it would be a good challenge, however, I will not be doing it in 30 days, since, there are other things I want to post about, so I will be doing it on those days that I am not sure what to post. But I'll add a page where you can easily click to whatever you want to know/read about.  Perhaps I will even go above 30...we will see.


Today's post is "Something you hate about yourself". 

Wow, Let's get right to it huh? This is really making me think.  What do I hate about myself? I guess there are a few things I don't like very much, like I sweat a lot, my feet tend to smell, I have huge boobs, but that isn't want I want to pick apart.  Let's get a little deeper.

1)  I guess I hate that I put too much trust into people. I give everything I can, and I find I don't get much back in return.  There are many times I feel people take advantage of my good nature and then just assume I will always be there for them.  Sometimes, I let them control me, just so I can be a part of something.  I succumb to being belittled or used.  Lately, I have been noticing this, and have been trying to pull away, trying to not let it happen. So, it is something I am working on.  However, I also don't want to withdrawal too much and be left with nothing.  It is a hard balance.  I also worry that my past will make it hard for me to really fully trust anyone again {like in the picture, I will always catch someone, but when I fall, people will scatter}. 

2)  I tend to take the easy way out.  My job for instance. I have been bored for three years, but I stay here because finding a job is exhausting.  I took the job, not because it is what I wanted, but because at the time, it worked better in my life. It allowed me low stress, and flexibility that I can be home and have dinner made for my man...but since that didn't work out, I stayed here, thinking we'd get back together and it would all work out.  It hasn't.  So, now, 4 years later, I am re-looking for a job.  I know I am smart, but I feel now I lost out on opportunities because I have waited to long to look into them.  Example 2 - I research everything. Hours and hours.  But when it comes down to making a decision, I end up not doing anything because it is just easier.