Day 9 1/2 - update on Someone you didn't want to let go, but you just drifted

On October 20th I posted about someone you didn't want to let go, but you just drifted (here) about a girl from college I was very good friends with.  In my little update (since I pre-wrote that to post when I was on vacation) I mentioned this girl emailed me out of the blue and that I was not sure if I was going to respond.  So I mark it with a star in email and contemplated for a while in what I should do. I asked a few friends their opinion and they all agreed that the email did not need responding to.

However, I am the person that doesn't feel right about not at least acknowledging the email but I wasn't sure what I wanted to say.  So I still didn't write back but it was in the back of my mind.  I then read that "Dare to Forgive" book and part of me was able to relate a scenario to this girl.  However, I was never really 'mad' at her, nor did I think I needed to forgive her as nothing happened but we just drifted, as so many people do when they grow up.  My most recent session with my life coach really focused on forgiveness and guilt and I realized I did need to at least respond to the email, even if it was 3 months later...but what to say? I kept it very short and did not commit to meeting in person.

I realized while I was reading it that if my life was different, I probably would not have hesitated to say yes right away.  But when she mentioned "There must be so much going on with you since we last talked...so tell me" I realized today could be a day from three years ago.  Nothing changed. Nothing. I am still at the same job, same apartment, still single (and wasn't even in a relationship).  Nothing changed.  Sure, I cut my hair 10 inches once...but that grew back.  How can I meet up with someone I haven't seen and hear about their life and all the things that have changed, when mine hasn't? It is similar when you find out someone is pregnant or married.  My sister tried to tell me she could be divorced, it might not be good things...but still, I don't know if I can handle it.  I would love to tell someone my life has been great or that something happened, but my life has been a blur for 3 years.  Even now when I am trying to self heal, I don't know what to do to make things happen, but I am very aware of my issues and that I want change. A good change.

We will see if she even writes back, she might have been insulted it took me three months to respond.  But I do feel better at least acknowledging her email.