Not spreading enough holiday cheer

Last week I had a wonderful idea, but it didn't work out since it was too last minute.  When did I become the last minute type? I used to be plan plan plan...early early early.  Now, I do like to plan, but at the last minute.  I think after my breakup I developed a huge fear of commitment, and I don't even mean with men.  Anything new I worry about or anything I am not sure about - I am not willing to commit to unless I have nothing else going on because what if it sucks?

So, this past week, I remembered that I wanted to volunteer at a soup kitchen. I figured with the holidays most of the people would be spending the day with family, and more volunteers would be needed.  When I called one near me the lady was all surprised I would even call 2-3 weeks early and expect it not to be filled up.  I know I can do some mid-year but that defeats the whole point of why I wanted to do it on the holiday first.  See, being single on a holiday is hard.  My immediate family celebrates Christmas on Christmas Eve since Santa comes that night and they each have their own Christmas morning with their families.  Then later on that day most of us get together with extended family...so what does one do when they don't have their own family?  I have spent the night/morning with my sisters watching their kids open presents, but this year I wasn't really feeling it. I am a scrooge remember? Being with their families is loud and chaotic, and most times there is some sort of meltdown about not getting something - and I already endure that on the eve for about 5 hours.  I thought this year would be different, I would embrace being single and help the community so I won't cry that morning.  I was being selfish. I wanted to help heal me by helping others and was disappointed that I couldn't this year. So I will look into it more for midyear to maybe guarantee me a spot next year.

So I look into the volunteer website and find a cause I can contribute to - abused children.  Well, anything where anyone is abused I am all about helping them.  So this particular volunteer work was wrapping presents for a few hours at a store that I was never at.   Before I start, I would like to let you know that I worked retail for several years when I was younger.  OK, so I get to this store and wrapping presents is self explanatory, but I never was there before and the staff barely told me what to do - as in what size boxes, how they liked things wrapped, etc.  My first 'customer' was a real pain in the butt wanting the cheapest gifts wrapped separately and changing her mind about box/no box, color wrapping paper, etc.  In the three hours I worked, my 'tips for the children' was about $52 and that was only for 6 paying customers.  I had about 5 people not donate anything - which is OK, it was free but the suggested donation was $3.  I go back tomorrow for a 4 hour AM shift.  I have to say I was disappointed by this effort.  I had hoped wrapping presents would have been for the abused children when they get presents this week - but I get this was a fundraiser (which I do not believe was said in the short ad) and my efforts helped those kids one way or another.  I believe the group started this from Thanksgiving - Christmas, and I can't image this fundraiser makes a ton of money if they only do it in one store.  Also the staff was so slow and didn't speak to me the whole time I was there, even though I was behind the register constantly telling people I didn't work there but was volunteering for the abused children - while the girls just gabbed on and on.  I understand that for $10 an hour they are not super friendly and are slow in their work since they might not be able to really achieve more than that, but the really slow three hours I was there I was dreading going back tomorrow for 4 hours. Although after my shift is over, I might just purchase a few other gifts.

Last week I also tried to get information about volunteering for the salvation army, the red cross and a local abused women's place - which have lots of different types of opportunities that I look forward to helping out with.