"I know how to do my job"

Another work story:

On Monday this guy calls the office.  He needs to reinstate his certification which lapsed last year for not paying his dues.  We sent him at least two notifications before suspending him last year - which he ignored. So today, he needs to speak to me about a "VERY SERIOUS MATTER" to reinstate his certification.  He explains he now needs it for the hospital and explains to me what I need to do to fix this for him now.  I explain it can't be done immediately, that he needs to pay the money by check or credit card (all very standard stuff).  He gets all mad because he sent in a check last week which was returned because he used he wrong address...and now he is further delayed.  I inform him that he did not call last week and ask me the address, that our address is on all our letterhead, envelopes, website, etc and that although it is unfortunate, he still needs to send money before I will notify the hospital of his certification (we get a lot of declines and bounced checks).  Additionally I remind him that this is not an urgent matter on our end.  We sent out our bills on time, we sent out suspension notices on time he was the one that disregarded them and therefore his account became suspended.  If he didn't default he would not be in this situation and it would not be a rush on his end either.  He then proceeds to tell me what to do.  I say, "Yes, thank you but I know how to do my job".  He said he did not mean it like that.  Of course I said "but that is what you just said. You were explaining to me what you want done, like I don't know what I am doing...but our policy is clear and because you don't like it does not mean I am not doing my job".   Angrily he gave me his credit card number and hangs up.

He calls again on Wednesday to ask if it was processed. I said 'no, unfortunately the lady that processes credit cards has the flu and has not been in the office the last two days".  He says, "Well when will she be in?"  I laugh a malicious laugh and say "HA HA. Hmm, probably when her fever brakes and she isn't vomiting".  He did not like that answer, but really - how the hell am I supposed to know when she will return.  Perhaps I should have offered to give him her number so he can ask her himself (of course I would NOT give out any one's personal telephone number...but just to get a reaction would be priceless).

Thursday my co-worker is in.  I tell her about this guy and then I call him to tell him we can run his credit card.  "Hi Dr. X, I wanted to let you know that coworker is in today - boy does she still look bad, but what a trooper.  Anyway, if you would like, I will have her process the credit card for you today".  Doctor "SEE, THIS IS WHY I ASKED YOU YESTERDAY WHEN SHE WILL BE IN. UGH, I mailed a check yesterday". Me- "Unfortunately I have not passed my psychic test yet - so again, there was NO WAY I could possible have known if she was going to come in today.  I am calling to give you that option since you are so concerned about this, I am doing you a favor."

I am not sure if I am mean, rude or funny, but some people I just don't get.