Me, a crazy? Yeah :(

I consider myself a fairly sane person.  I know right from wrong, I have reason and most of the time I have a sound mind and use good judgement.

But there are times when I fear I am perceived as a crazy woman.  I would like to let you all know that if I am perceived as crazy it is because of a man.  I don't like to argue or fight.  I like calm and happy or at least content.

There have been two times I feel like I turned 'crazy'.  The first time of course was with SI after our breakup when he kept promising me things and never following through.  He kept giving me the wrong signals so I kept doing what I thought would help, but then he'd get so mad and yell and belittle me and I just kept trying to 'fix' it. Trying to show and prove to him that I was OK with everything...that I was willing to do anything, but I just needed a little reassurance.  Anyway. There were times I didn't recognize myself, and I fear that out of the eight years I knew him, if he thinks of me - I worry that it is all me being temporarily crazy and not the real me.  The temporary crazy was just because I didn't know how to react when someone I loved confused me. 

The second time I feel I got all crazy was this past month with HSK.  There was nothing official with him, but again with all the mixed signals I didn't realize what was happening and so maybe I asked too many questions or seemed more interested than I was because I wasn't getting a response.  When I finally said something, at least I got the response I thought - which is fine...but I really hate people that aren't honest.  Is it so hard?  Especially when it turns out we both just wanted something 'fun' - as I learned the last time I saw him that there was no way a future would have been possible because I learned way more about him and realized that I couldn't handle that in the long run.  Anyway, all that awkwardness could have been avoided.

I feel when I get all crazy - that I try to over-explain...and that is never good.  Men DO think way different than woman.  Things that keep at us, that we keep thinking about - never seems to be the same thing a guy thinks about and he doesn't understand why we are so bothered by it.

I don't think that someone should make you nervous all the time or make you feel like you are overreacting or even if you get all crazy...its not worth it.