My brain is playing yo-yo

I am seriously super confused. Where did my confidence go from just two/three days ago?  Monday night I met with real estate agent regarding selling my condo.  It was all very positive making selling a no-brainer.  BUT then after she left, I did some research on renting an apartment - you know, for after I live with family for a few months...I will want my own place to go.  But rent is just a few hundred less than I pay now...AND for way worse accommodations.  Even though I'd save maybe $400...I would loose that tax write-off, have to pay to park at the train which would also mean more gas, and not really pay down my credit card fast enough.

So I am starting to think that selling is not a good idea right this second...unless I know WHY or WHERE I want to move.  Well, maybe I know the why...it is mostly because I hate the noise penetration level of my current living situation. I want to be done with it.  One of my goals for my thirties is to 'upgrade to a nicer apartment'. I kind of forgot about that until today, and I know what I want more or less. I'd love a townhouse, corner unit with a driveway and/or garage.

Townhouses can be expensive!  I looked briefly on Monday after I looked at rentals and found three developments that look nice.  One is right down the road from HS friend, his development is huge with three varieties of housing; one 30 minutes north of there, and the other probably about 30 minutes north west of there.  The townhouses closer to me are either 1) UGLY  2) way too expensive 3) good price but in a really bad area.  So that leaves me back to square one.

BUT remember I also wanted to sell so I had flexibility to relocate...and by relocate I didn't initially mean an hour away.  But my fear is that I sell my place, live with family a few months/rent apartment and in a year...still be here.  All that wasted for nothing.

I guess I really need to start looking for jobs.  :( I really hate that.  I have NO IDEA what I want to do with my life, until I am a housewife.  I am relatively smart (or used to be but since I am not challenged on a regular basis, I have lost some of it) with a master's degree, common sense, strong work ethic, productive, blah blah blah.  I'd love to hire someone to help me find a job (recruiter) but I went to a seminar about that and the lady basically said unless you are top level (making $120,000 or more) recruiters won't really help too much.  I will still try I guess, one that is geared not to top level executives, since I am WAY under that salary bracket.

I hate that I have this huge fear of making a mistake. I mean, I know it isn't an end of the world mistake or anything.  I don't want to know my future, but at the same time I'd like to know it will be OK, I'll be happy and not delay the happiness (like if I move and start over somewhere taking 5 years to find love VS staying here and end up in love sooner.  OR keeping my apartment and selling it in a year and making more $$ and knowing that I knew where I'd end up.)