BIG thoughts

I am so afraid of making the wrong decision.  I don't remember being like this years back, but I guess the SI breakup jolted my system.  Before that I didn't questions my intentions or what I was doing in my life, I had complete faith that everything would work out.  However, now....I still think things will work out but I over think everything, I am scared to commit to anything.  In the last 24 hours I decided I MIGHT sell my apartment.  What does this mean for me? Where will I go?  Is it smart? Is it too spontaneous? Am I doing it for the wrong reason?  What if I do it and later regret it?  I am 31 and quite capable of making my own decisions...but this weekend I am going to talk to my family and see if they will help guide me.

See, perhaps selling my apartment would be like correcting the wrong of buying it in the first place.  After I moved out of mine & SIs house, I moved in with my parents.  I thought it was temporary until we worked things out and I moved back 'home'.  A year or so later - I get a piece of mail with HER name and our address on the return and I went out and found a realtor looked at 4 apartments and bought something.  Not the best reason.  I thought it would help me see reality and make myself realize I can support myself.  I locked myself into the area when I thought maybe I'd be better off moving away.  It worked out I guess, I was near family and they really helped me these last 4 years...but now I am getting antsy.

I am feeling a lot better this month mentally and I know I need change, but I don't know what kind.  It has also been 3 months since I've talked to SI.  Perhaps this is my time (4+ years later) to do that drastically different thing?  

Oh I just don't know.  I have dreams of picking up and moving. Starting somewhere brand new.  But that is scary because 1) I have a really hard time making friends.  It took me like 3 years to make some where I am now, and I still don't have a lot.  2) Job searching...but then again, I'd be doing this here or there.  3) Am I running away from problems?  I thought so at first, but then realized NO, because I gave it a good 4 years.  Anyway, I know that if it doesn't work out I can always move back this way.

Do any of my blog friends want to up and move to like Colorado, Washington DC or somewhere in between and are looking to know someone else in that new town?