Ok, maybe I just escaped real-life for a few days. I knew I'd come back, unfortunately.
The death of ManFriend was very difficult for me (as you've read) plus I guess I realized nothing was going to come of Mountain Man, another dose of realization that I most likely will end up alone, both of which saddened me plus other personal stress. It all kind of happened at once.
So I was spontaneous and last Wednesday I booked a flight to Florida for Saturday - Tuesday. I have family friends down there who graciously offered me a place to stay for a few days.
The second day we spent at the beach...it was 86 degrees! That sure beat the 7 inches of snow we got back home!
Day three we toured Marco Island, Sanibel Island and Captiva.
And day four was travel back home day. I was sad to leave the much needed sunshine and relaxation. Something about being back home makes me sad and depressed. I am not sure how long I can live like this, in this sad blur. I need to make changes.
Hi Denise. You were in Naples! My favorite spiritual teacher, the one that is in the process of changing my life right now is from there. Have you ever heard of Panache Desai. If he helped me, he would help you my darling girl. I'm so glad that you had a nice little vacation. I wouldn't be writing this but the Naples reference called to me and I had to write.
ReplyDeleteMF. Does it help at all to know that feeling guilt is a normal reaction to someone's death. It's hard to see you feel so badly, but thanks for sharing it. Don't you know that you were the best part of his life in his last couple years? I know that you know that. Forget the summer forward; that stuff had to happen so you'd be okay right now, not so you'd feel guilty.And it's just grief right now; no need for guilt. You were good to him even when you didn't want to be, and I don't think you are giving yourself enough credit.
You are a very loving human being, and I personally think (cuz I know you want to know what I think! hahaha) that your future relationship got delayed because you had a pitstop to make with MF. You were the best thing to ever happen to him and you should take a lot of pride and comfort in that sweet girl.You are owed the good things that are coming your way.
MM happened so that you could have a nice casual little thing that was safe if for distance alone, and then look what happened. You had the discernment to see he wasn't for you and that you deserved better. I think that you are seeing MM & MF as failures, but they were anything but. They show you as the miracle you are. Each experience made you more ready for your perfect relationship. The hard part is that you don't get to say when that is. That sucks, doesn't it? It happens when it is supposed to happen, but you are more ready than ever.
In the meantime, you might consider checking out this guy I recommended. He is wicked awesome and he can help to clear out a lot of density we carry around in our bodies & minds that keeps us from what we were truly meant to be. You have equally wicked awesome possibilities. Just sayin',....Love to you Denise!
Thank you Anonymous commenter. Your comment was very sweet and thoughtful, it brought tears to my eyes, you totally understand, but have said it more eloquently than I have been able to. I wrote about fate today (to be published on Friday) and it seems that you are a big believer in that too :)
DeleteI'll look into this guy, but realistically, I don't have 'extra' money right now. Of course my overall well being is important and worth it. But I know time is the biggest factor.
Thank you again for your kind words, they are truly appreciated.
He has lots of free stuff on his website. That kind of guy!
ReplyDeleteoh, and the stuff in his archives, the mp3's are like $20 for a lot of them.
ReplyDelete