Disappointment

ManFriend and I kissed and made up last Friday. We had a really nice drunk chat and I left feeling a lot more comfortable with everything.  I was even surprised when he commented on the fact that we’ve been doing this almost a whole year, and that he was very grateful for the things I’ve helped him with over the last year.

Then Hurricane Sandy rolls in.  I brought some candles over to ManFriends’ place Sunday evening knowing he wouldn’t be prepared and told him it would be really nice if he was hurricaned-in with me – especially because I had a 4 day weekend.  He said he liked that idea and would go over the next day, and even suggested an outing to see all the damage.  So I bought 4 bottles of wine, 2 cases of beer he likes, and a lot of Chinese food. 

Monday he spent the day doing who knows what, including napping…so naturally once 5pm came around, I knew he was going to be a no-show.    Tuesday I told him I still had power so if he needed to charge anything, cook, laundry, hang out - I was home and to stop by whenever.  Another no-show.

Such a stupid cycle, but I think I am sort of smart enough to see this NOW, thank you to my past boyfriend for allowing me to see and not want to tolerate such behavior. And thank you to ManFriend who is consistent with his behavior of doing this. 

So, now I am drinking a bottle of wine, doing a puzzle, and listening to my breakup playlist so naturally I shed some tears. What has my life come to? Is it so much for me to want a man in my life to spend time with me?  Is it worse that I hang out with a guy enough but even he would rather sit in his dark apartment reading or sleeping instead of hanging out with  me for a little while.   Why did he even have to say he’d come over and then why did he have to message me saying he still wanted to, when clearly he had no intention?  I miss being in a relationship so much sometimes. 

I hate the feeling I get when someone disappoints me.  And honestly, I feel like that is all ManFriend has done since I’ve known him.