A friend like me

I am a great friend; the best.  I would love to have a friend like me, but I don't. 

Examples of how I've been a great friend in the last twelve months:

• Bought a housewarming party for an old friend because I knew he didn't have family support and I wanted him to know that people in this world care for him and want to help him. I spent about $120 on this. 
• I helped a friend clean an apartment that needed to be sold.  It was tough work, and sure I got paid for it, but that is not my thing and I wouldn't have done it but I knew if I was in that situation I'd want help too.
• A friend was laid off and I bought some very basic necessities while I grocery shopped and delivered them ($40).  I also got in touch with several leads for him for new employment.
• I babysit my friend's kids for the first time because she was in a bind and I knew she needed to get out.
• I baked cookies for my co-workers and a few other people
• I drove an hour so my sister could have a two drinks (I hoped she'd have more)
• I donated money to any cause when anyone asked me
• I helped a friend box up all her stuff so she could move out of her apartment after a breakup
• Took my tenant out to dinner after he moved in to make sure his move went smoothly and addressed any questions he had
• Attended events that sometimes didn't interest me so friends wouldn't have to go alone
• Bought lots of baby gifts - even for people I rarely see
• Attended a few boring showers/weddings
• Rearrange my schedule so I can do something with someone who asked for help
• Gave a few small gifts to people throughout the year when I was thinking of them or knew they'd like something
• Went out of my way to drop something off to someone
• Ate according to their diet
• I waited way to long for way too many people and pretended it didn't bother me

That is just a few.  By nature I am a very sweet, caring, helpful, and understanding person.  I want to do what I can to help other people in whatever ways they need it.  The problem usually arises when I help someone my way, when they don't understand me.  Someone called me crazy just this past weekend...but I am not crazy, I just wanted to help.  I am not rich and I would love to do more, but I do what I can.  Sometimes I get a 'Thank you" sometimes I do not.  I am not doing it to get something back each time - but I'll be honest, I wish I had more friends like me. 

Sometimes I feel like when I need help no one is around.  When I ask questions, people ignore me.  When I want something, no one is there for me.  Or they agree but at the last minute cancel.  Sure I have my family...but it is obvious I have very few friends.  I don't care that my friends are minimal, but I'd like them to be better - or I need new ones.  There is only so much I can take before I feel like I give and give and give and get nothing in return.

I'd love to be bitchier. I swear those women get farther in life and somehow manage to get what they want.  But instead I got these qualities from my mother.  After a while people just assume you'd do this or that for them because that is the type of person you are...and they are using me.  How is that fulfilling to me?  The sad part is I let it continue long enough because I genuinely care about my 'close' friends and hope I am wrong about them.  But I am not, and I've seen more friendships end in the last 10 years they I'd have liked.

I wish I had a friend like me.