Why I love "When Harry Met Sally"

 I can totally relate to so much of When Harry Met Sally.  There are some really good parts of this classic movie.



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 For instance - can men & women be friends?  I think they can..but not good friends.  Most guys I do look at and wonder if there could be something there.  And when NO, then I think, sure he is OK to be a friend.  But not a good friend.  Once you reach good friend status - not only do people grow on you...but you start reconsidering.  And I have made the mistake of sleeping with just a friend = not good.

Sally talks about not missing the person - just the idea of the person.  That is exactly what I think of all the time.  I don't want my ex back.  And come to think of it, whenever I see / talk to him, I realize all over how true that is.  But more than anything, it is the idea of him (and the old him).

Harry & Sally talk on a stoop about how sex helps you get over someone.  Harry wonders why Sally hasn't had sex to get over Joe and Sally blames Harry for sleeping with most of NY and that hasn't gotten him over Helen.  I can relate because I don't do casual sex.

Marie says "All I'm saying is that somewhere out there is the man you are supposed to marry. And if you don't get him first, somebody else will, and you'll have to spend the rest of your life knowing that somebody else is married to your husband". 

Harry says "The fact that you're not answering leads me to believe you're either (a) not at home, (b) home but don't want to talk to me, or (c) home, desperately want to talk to me, but trapped under something heavy. If it's either (a) or (c), please call me back.".  Since I have first seen this movie, I have used similar choices in a message.

Sally says "He just met her... She's supposed to be his transitional person, she's not supposed to be the ONE. All this time I thought he didn't want to get married. But, the truth is, he didn't want to marry me. He didn't love me."  and in a moment she then says 'what's wrong with me'.   I don't think you need me to tell you how much I can relate to this statement.   

Sally talks about why her & Joe were a great couple, about how great not having children was to a relationship. Then eventually realizing that they didn't do those things they talked about. --> tell me about it!

Harry says "when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible".  Something I have remembered since the first time I saw this movie in the 90s.  That is the kind of gesture and love that I hope someone will one day tell me.

If you haven't seen this movie, you probably should. It is an oldie, but goodie.  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098635/

Signs he is cheating

Think he is cheating or having an affair?  Here are some signs to look for.  Of course just one of these doesn't mean anything...but the red light should go off if three or more are seen at the same time & over a certain period of time.

• Finding a strand of hair that is not your color in the passenger side head rest of the car
• If you constantly have to change the passenger seat of the car to fit your length.  If you are the only one regularly in the car, you shouldn't have to
• Not answering the phone or answering texts for several hours
• Have plans with you and be MIA for hours.
• Suddenly leave in the morning to hang with friends/family and you had no clue (esp true if you live together)
• Call you by a pet name all the time. (When cheating, he doesn't have to worry about calling out the wrong name daily or in bed if his pet names are the same for multiple ladies)
• Starts picking up new habits (like fake tanning - which you are so against)
• Starts smoking and/or drinking coffee out out no where
• All of a sudden you see an increase in his wardrobe.  You see a lot of new clothes when doing the wash, but never on him when you go out together
• Pet hair on clothes when you or he doesn't have a pet
• Gets a little nervous when you tell him the dry cleaner found something in his pocket
• Starts wearing (new) cologne
• Text messages all the time.  At dinner, on the couch, in bed over your head, in the car.  You constantly asking him to put his phone away and pay attention to you...but he doesn't.
• Starts complaining about high credit card bills (when you are trying to cut down on spending, maybe even start a budget...and you can't imagine why his credit card bills are high)
• Go from doing bills together to never being able to see them
• Keeping personal files and bills at work not at home where you can see them
• Gains extra weight
• Nit-picking everything to start a fight with you
• Starts doing small cute things to make you happy - flowers, nice restaurants, little gifts, etc to lessen your assumption he isn't being faithful
• Starts changing your plans for the future - making extreme new decisions (you agreed to 3 kids, now he wants none.  Finding things he knows you want more than anything and trying to crush it because he won't leave you so he wants you to get so mad at him and leave him)
• You get that feeling.  You want to maybe follow him one day, but you are scared to know the truth
• He locks his phone and computer with passwords
• He tells you he suspects YOU are cheating
• He refuses to give his parents your home telephone number (esp. if you live together) so they don't call when he isn't home and call him out on his lies (because of course he is always 'visiting' his sick parents)
• He has new moves in bed
• He is moodier
• When he gets home from work he sits in his car to finish a conversation before going inside the house (and does this on a regular basis)
• He criticises your clothes and/or body
• He might slip and mention something you didn't do together
• In his cell phone a friend is listed by initial. last name and then again number full  name (example J. Doe and then John Doe).  These are both different people.  The real one is probably the one that is still in line with all the others and the odd one is the one that is different.  And be even extra careful, my cell phone as a 'secret' listing...which is nothing but trouble if you ask me
• You notice he gets really good at lying to other people (but don't realize he is lying to you of course!)
• He goes from wanting to talk about feelings/future/little things to being more private and secretive
• When you do finally get around to "snooping" (which it isn't if you live together) you notice many credit card transaction for flowers, jewelery, restaurants that you didn't go to.  Also, he listed her as an authorized card holder so she has a credit card that he pays for. Perhaps a copy of her passport and license are in the file too.

*note, these could be signs SHE is cheating too...but since in my experience, it was my guy cheating, it was just easier to write HE all the time...and yes, the HE does refer to actual things someone specific did.
*note 2, there are different levels of cheating.  Listed above are all examples s/he is not just cheating, but in another relationship .

1,440 minutes of nothing

On Thanksgiving I am chatting with my cousin's husband and kid. Kid wants to grow up faster than he should (we were all probably in that boat when we were 14). Anyway, I was like...enjoy your youth, soon you will grow up and wonder where your life is. His father was like 'man, if I was single and 30 I'd be doing so much. Why aren't you Denise?"

I know this answer. I am too broke to do anything I really WANT to do.  And, of course, you get tired of doing things alone all the time. 

I am wasting my life. I know this...but I don't know how to fix it.  I don't know what to do with my free evenings/days off.  Of course there is the 'usual' stuff. But what else?  Some days (like today) I wake up and think...I have no idea what to do. I have zero desire to go out.  And the day moves...and then later I regret not doing anything.  But I don't know what to do. 

I would love to hear some ideas of those of you who are married - what would you do if you were single?  Those of you that are always busy - what would you do with extra hours?
What are projects you have done that consume time?
What are some things that are FREE to do?

life.is.not.fair.

I previously blogged about coming to terms that I am still single and that I might always be single.  I might have been wrong.

Recently I was speaking to SI.  It came out that he has vacationed with women to the islands and other areas.  Why tell me? I told him I didn't want details, I don't want to know these things.  When we were together for 4+ years, we didn't go away. I wanted to.  We always talked about it.  Where to go.  The Islands, Europe, Australia, etc.  But he was too consumed with his work, and I guess he didn't like me enough because we never went.  So, he has had one super serious relationship (mistress --> girlfriend --> fiancee --> wife?) and now several rebounds from her. 

I haven't had any.  NONE.  How pathetic.  I was the one that was hurt.  I was the one that wanted to be in a relationship.  I was the one that tried.  I was the one that wants love.  And dammit, I wanted it more....which is probably why I didn't get it.

It.is.not.fair.  Yeah, I know life isn't fair.  But, you'd think I'd get my turn to be somewhat happy soon.  I'm getting really tired of waiting for things to fall into place.

A Gleeful problem and solution

I want to talk about Glee.

I don't want to talk about the music or actors/actresses.  And in fact, I would like to just talk about this most recent episode (11/23/2010 - Furt).

First.  I want to ask, why on Earth would Finn & Kurt's parents have bridesmaids and groomsmen of their kids?  They are both a good age and have friends (which you get a glimpse of at church/reception) why was the wedding all about the kids and their friends?  Also why would Mr. Shuster go?   I didn't get it.  It annoyed me.

Second. I would like to talk about Sue.  I LOVED her idea of marrying herself.  When she feels like the only one left that is single, she takes matters into her own hands.  OK, so it might seem a little crazy, but here is my question - do you think wearing a wedding band is an accessory that makes one more attractive?  Hear me out.  The wedding band shows that 1) SOMEONE was willing to be with you and 2) you are capable of having a relationship.  People cheat all the time.  Many people don't care single/married, but I wonder if MORE guys would hit on me if I had a wedding band.  So, I won't have a crazy ceremony but slipping on a ring? That is easy.  Maybe a small diamond?  And then when I find someone....whola, broke up & single or you just tell them it is a conversation starter.  I wonder.

Parade of Balloons

Macy's Thanksgiving parade is just hours away.  Four years ago, I went to the parade for my first and only time.  Today, I decided to do what so many others do...see the balloons before they fly down to Macy's.  I was considering seeing the parade again tomorrow, but I think this served the purpose.  

Two streets blocks are closed off for preparing the balloons.   The balloons aren't really that big - but I knew that since I saw them 4 years ago.  I am going to look into volunteering for the Macy's parade next year.  Maybe I can hold a balloon string or be on a float! 

The crowds were thick. After the quick loop of the block, a stroll through Central Park was perfect to get a little free space back. 

Then heading towards Grand Central we stopped at Rockefeller Center and saw the unlit Christmas Tree that they cut down only 30 minutes or so away from me.

Did I just steal?

One of the great things about commuting into NYC is the freebies you occasionally get outside of Grand Central (I think Penn Station has them sometimes too).  Last year I got a baseball cap from RedHat, a Starbucks frappacino that I left for a homeless man, and a sample of some sort of medicine.  I declined the free coffee one day but did take the coupon for Tim Hortons and gave to a coworker.

The year before I picked up a Tylenol umbrella, a $20 coupon to Lord & Taylor (no minimum purchase), an energy bar, and some other coupons.

Yesterday I walk out of Grand Central and see many people carrying a Sobe bottle.  When I cross the street, I see crates of them but no person to distribute them.  People were just reaching in and taking one.  I followed and did the same.  After all, we are used to getting freebies on occasion.  But my 10 minute walk to work started to bother me.  Why wasn't someone there?  Did I steal a drink? What if it was just a delivery? But outside of Modells? - that doesn't make sense. I don't walk by the bar and steal bread or the steakhouse and pick up onions/salad nor do I grab a beer from the beer delivery guys.  I am sitting at work, thirsty, thinking should I open it? Maybe I should give to a homeless guy...so if I did steal it, at least I didn't benefit from it. 

I am thankful for

I was out with an old friend the other day, talking about our youth and our families.  I was so naive back then.  I grew up in an amazing family and when you are young you assume every one's family is similar.  In high school you start to realize some differences and take for granted how amazing your family is.  So my friend and I were talking and I had no idea how horrible his family life was.  I could not relate to the un-supportive parents, the hard life.  I felt so bad and sat there thinking, the poor kid - I wish I knew so I could have helped more. 

Now, if you know my personality you would know that compassion is not what stands out right away.  I am very compassionate with family and people I know and I have a good feeling about.  I give all my love when I get it in return.  But on an everyday basis, I can't be bothered with people or their problems.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.  I was not sure between Halloween and Thanksgiving, but Thanksgiving won out because there is something about turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce. I LOVE it. 

So this Thanksgiving I am going to be extra sure to thank my amazing family.  Every year I am thankful for having them in my life.  But this year I am more appreciative of everything they have done for me.  All the support they have given me (a LOT in the last 5 years) and will continue to.  Just the other day my sister surprised me, finding ways to go out of her way to help me.  My life is so uncertain right now and having people in my life to help get me through it has been a blessing. Some people (most of my family) have this ability to be so compassionate.  And to realize people would help me so much, is such an amazing thing. I feel so lucky.  And with that, I know I need to help others.  I have to start super slow since I lack money, time and need to fix my own life first and of course learn to be more compassionate with people I do not know.

What are you thankful for? 

The man in my dreams

Blog friends/readers,
My apologies for being missing the last week.  I have been very busy and the one day I had free time, I was suffering from writers block and started about 3 posts, none which I finished.  You would think with how much thought I put into what to write about that day, that I was actually writing something important.  haha.  Finding topics to please you is hard.  Sometimes I am surprised when there are lots of comments on something I wasn't expecting, but none on things you would comment on. 

Anyway.  So last night I had this dream.  It was a little more elaborate than the one I had last week, but either way, it was the same.  I was in a car with a guy.  He was decent/good looking and a bit outgoing.  Dark hair,  nice smile, nice laugh, good personality.  We were trying to find a place to eat.  Although he had money (evident by his car) he was testing me by my reaction over a pizza place as opposed to a 'nice' restaurant.  Of course, I like pizza so I didn't care.  Things were going well however I woke up before arriving at the pizza place.  But I thought, Hmm, that is the same guy from last week; strange.  I can't tell more.  I am not to good about actually remembering more about my dreams, but I can only hope this means I will start dating someone soon.  And until then, I hope this mystery dream man makes another appearance.

1-800-I am not stupid

I get a phone call from a number I do not recognize...so I let it go to voicemail.  Apparently that isn't good enough for my caller because a few moments later my phone is ringing again.

me: "Hello, this is Denise"
caller: "who"
me: 'Denise.  How can I help you"
caller:  You called me.
me. 'No, I most certainly did not call you.  The phone rang and I picked it up'
caller: you called me twice.
me: 'no, I did not.  I am at work.  You have called ME twice.  The first time I didn't pick up and you didn't want to leave me a voice mail.  I have no idea who you are.
caller: 'but you called me'
me: 'no. why are we arguing. I have no idea who you are and I am busy at work. Please stop calling me."  Then I hang up

Moments later, the phone rings from a private number.
me "Hello, this is Denise'
caller:  'my wife doesn't speak English well, but she wants to know why you keep calling"
me "your wife has called me.  This is now boarder line harassment.  I have no idea who you and your wife are. I have no need to speak to you.  PLEASE STOP CALLING ME'
caller: 'oh my. I am sorry'
me:  'yes, you should be. now if you don't mind, I must go. All this harassment and I have work to do'

And luckily that was the last of them.  My co-worker was in my office for these conversations and she was laughing.  So, it wasn't really harassment yet...but it could very well escalate to that point.  I mean.  So, even IF I did call her (I did not), and I called by mistake so I hang up...do people really think they need to call that number and ask them questions?  I would never do that.  I do not call people that call me accidentally. I do not call people that don't leave me messages.  I do not give people at the wrong end a hard time about why they aren't so-and-so.  I mean, what does she want, my phone records/bill to show I am not lying? Maybe that is a new scam or something...my willingness to show I am not a liar which leads to stolen identity. You never know.

People have major issues if they have all this free time where they think it is OK or normal to give strangers a hard time about something they had no control over.  Perhaps I should give you their number and you call give them a taste of their own medicine.

Savannah in a nutshell

My last installment of my Savannah trip.

What is Savannah all about?  When I first told people I was going down there they said I'd love it because of the quaintness.  Sure, it is old and historic, but honestly, it was different than I expected.  What is fabulous is that the downtown is all walkable. In fact, I highly suggest to anyone that visits to leave the car in the parking lot and start walking around.   Walk walk walk!   So, while I wasn't super impressed with Savannah, it is worth a short visit.

So, what is there to see?  There are quite a bit of antique shops and galleries.  There are a bunch of little local shops that are worth a quick walk around (especially if it is rainy).

The Colonial Park Cemetery is worth a walk through.  Many of the 'residents' of the cemetery had the yellow fever.  Also, during one of the wars, soldiers opened some of the caskets so they can sleep when it is warm.

 The planned city originally had 24 parks - 22 remain now.  Many of these 'squares' have a statue or fountain and of course benches and flowers.  Since there are so many in a small area, they generally are not crowded.  It is wonderful to have them when walking the city for a place to sit for a while.  The picture below is where Forrest Gump's park bench was in the movie - the bench is now in a museum - and was never a part of the park.

 In the largest of the parks, [Forsyth Park] is a large fountain and is one of the most photographed places in Savannah.  Near this park is the Mercer House, where the book "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil" had a scene of a murder.   I haven't read the book (but will by next month) and I didn't take the tour. 

Spanish moss oak trees are all over.  They are spooky trees, especially in the cemetery...but they are more or less all over the city. 

The quaintness is evident on many of the side streets of the beauty of the buildings.  So many have these great staircases and outer decor (iron or wood), large windows, etc.  Some sidewalks are brick - but many are not. 

St. John the Baptist cathedral was beautiful.  I have to be honest, I am not a super religious person.  I stopped at a few of the old churches and saw a synagogue.  St. John's was established before the 18th century. 

 River street is a short area near the water that has a few shops and restaurants as well as a river front walking area with benches.  The Savannah river is narrow, however it must be deep since many large barges carrying containers travel down the river. The open area, when I was there, was used for a street fair. 

Food.  Such great food options.  I posted the other day about the new foods I tried.  Generally the restaurants seemed reasonably priced (although I am sure most areas outside of NYC tend to be more reasonable).  However, when I am with clients, we tend to go to nice restaurants (ones I wouldn't go to alone since they are pricier).  Unfortunately I can not remember the names of two of them at this moment, but the last one we went to was Elizabeth on 37th.  The mansion was beautiful and the food was amazing.  I had the seasonal soup for the appetizer - it was shrimp and squash soup.  For my entree I had Coastal Grouper Celeste (which I thought was delicious) and for dessert I tried the pecan pie with almond slivers.  The other food my clients ate looked amazing and delicious.

Tours.  There are TONS of tours.  Haunted tours, walking tours, trolley tours, house tours,  river tours, etc.  I did the one hearse tour which was about one hour in length. It was not spooky or anything.  I would have liked to do a walking tour, but there wasn't too much time. 

My overall experience was not amazing.  Maybe I like more 'action'...although I don't like nightlife.  I just felt like aside from the tours/home tours there was not a lot to do.  I walked the city quickly and then went back to take a nap...while it was still light out.  I felt like it didn't hold my interest as long as I would have liked it to.  I didn't get to see Tybee Island (that might have been nice) and I didn't see the non-historic area of Savannah.  I think my parents will like it (they will be checking it out soon) maybe I am too young to appreciate it?  I travel enough to know how to keep myself busy, but this was hard for the 3 days I was there.

A Haunting Experience (Savannah, GA)

I was recently in Savannah Georgia for work.  We rented the whole Kehoe House for our meeting/sleeping rooms.  The Kehoe house is rumored to be haunted, as much of the historic district of Savannah is said to be. 

The Kehoe House is a grand queen Anne style building that was a private house for William Kehoe, his wife and their 10 children and later became a funeral parlor, Joe Namath purchased it and then a bed and breakfast.  The Kehoe house is a four star B&B.  I am not sure what they use to base the star ratings on, but let me tell you what I thought of the place.

The house was old and grand.  The walls on the main floor are about 14 feet.  The wall colors and moldings fit the style of house.  The sleeping rooms were spacious.  Each bedroom has their own bathroom and some have a private or shared balcony.  The staircase was grand.  They have an elevator which you can access any of the floors.  They have a loft which we used as meeting space.

My room was the Caroline Finch room.  The room had a king size bed, chaise, and a separate place for the toilet/shower sink.  A chandelier hung from the ceiling, a fireplace (which was closed) and an older armorer.

You pick out your breakfast the day before with quite a selection foods.  The apple pecan pancakes were delicious.  But choices ranged from cereal, pancakes, french toast, eggs/omelet and of course you get two sides which included either sausage, bacon, grits (regular or cheese), yogurt, or fresh fruit.  Breakfast is served between 7:30am and 10am. At 4pm the house offers tea and dessert.  From 5-7pm the house puts out red and white wine, cheese, grapes, crackers and a spread and they keep the dessert which was usually some sort of cake.  This was perfect to meet up for a drink before heading out to dinner.  The bedroom turn down service also set out 2 cookies on your bed and had music on for when you came home.

All very wonderful things so far.  My one problem with the house was the dirtiness of it.  From afar it looks clean, but there was grime and dust.  I believe the hole in my ceiling in the bathroom for the sprinkler was covered in black mold.  I was sneezing like crazy in the three days I was there.  I wasn't sure if it was just me, but my clients felt the same way.  One complained to the concierge about the layer of dust on the light and nightstand.  One needed help opening the window to the balcony and there was a massive amount of dust/dirt there.  Sure, I understand dust...but as a 'hotel' type of establishment, the rooms/entry ways should be cleaned on a regular basis. A good cleaning.  The crevasses, the walls, the floors, the fixtures. 

So, lets talking about the hauntings.  It is rumored that two twin boys of William Kehoe died in a fireplace and stayed in the house to be near their mother after they died.  Some say that they here children running, others have claimed to have heard the kids asking to play with them.  Can you believe what others say? Do they really see/hear it or do they want to believe it?

One client of mine didn't know about the history.  She told us at breakfast that she was awoken in the middle of the night by a text message and her dream after that was very strange...she dreamt that these boys were playing in the house and walking through the walls. She said it was so strange it was so real and not dream like, but of course it was a dream.

That night, we went on a hearse tour that brought you past some of the 'haunted houses'. It was not scary by any means, just informative about the history and why it is 'haunted'.  The driver told us to summons the ghosts, to hopefully get pictures with them in it (or dots or whatever it is).  At one point I call out to them to show themselves and snap a few pictures. Of course I was doubtful it would work (none of my pictures showed anything abnormal).  That night we got back late and I hopped into bed. I woke at 3am and had a very difficult time sleeping.  My mind starts to wander, like it usually does and I think about the ghosts and the tour and then of course about the twins that haunt our B&B.  At 4am I started falling into a sleep in which I was asking the kids if they wanted to play cards and eat cookies.  At 4:05am all of a sudden I get the worse chills.  I start convulsing and shaking.  I felt so cold and my mouth felt a little paralyzed.  In my mind I told the kids that they had to go away - that I couldn't play, I needed sleep (b/c I had to meet my clients at 7:30) and that my tongue felt numb.  The shaking stopped. And then by 4:08 I was so hot.  It was strange.  I didn't sleep after that, I tried, but I couldn't.  I tried to make sense of what happened.  It couldn't have been ghosts. I believe but I don't.  Was it my mind that imagined that is what it would feel like if a ghost passes through you or near you? But if so, how would I have known?  Was my mind playing tricks on me?  Did I have a fever for 10 minutes? Did I have a seizure?  Needless to say I slept with the light on the next night.

A taste of Savannah

One thing is for sure, I like to try new foods...to some extent.  You will not find me eating anything from Survivor or Fear Factor or whatever that show was called. But when in a new area, I try to eat something from that area...it only makes sense.

When I saw "fried pickles" on the menu one day for lunch...I thought, hmm, that sounds interesting.  Just last year I tried a fried Oreo, so why not try a fried pickle?  I was expecting a pickle to come out, whole and fried.  Instead I was surprised to see a plate full of pickle 'chips'.  Each chip was fried in a thin batter and ranch dressing was served on the side.  I do not like ranch dressing - so I can not give you a critique on that combination.  However, I was surprised to find I did enjoy the pickles.  They were still slightly crunchy and juicy but warm.  Addicting. 

At dinner one evening I tried the fried green tomatoes.  I do not like tomato chunks, but I figured I had to try this...it is such a southern dish.  I took a small bite, and I actually liked it.  It didn't quite taste like a regular red tomato..then again, it was fried, and doesn't anything taste better fried?

That evening I also ordered shrimp with grits. I have never had grits before.  When my dish came out, I was surprised to see the grits were in two triangle patties that were fried. I thought they were pretty good, but a tad bit dry.

The next day I tried cheese grits for breakfast.  Delicious.  I thought the grits were very similar to cream of wheat just ballier. (I just made that word up. The grits are tiny balls whereas the cream of wheat kinds mushes together and is a bit more cohesive.)

My final dinner in town, I ordered grouper.  The grouper had sesame seeds and a peanut sauce served with potatoes.  It was Delicious. It was very much a white fish that wasn't too fishy. The peanut sauce was excellent.  I could have kept eating.

Savannah is also known for some of their sweets.  I was strongly encouraged to try two sweets in particular.  Mind you, they probably sell these everywhere touristy, but to date, I've never had them.  The first was the buckeye - a creamy peanut butter rolled in chocolate.   It was good but dry.  Definitely need to have some water after eating it.  The second thing was a 'gopher' which is pecans stuck together with caramel and chocolate on top.  I know I like turtles, so it was very similar to that - and it was delicious.  You even have your choice if you want milk chocolate, dark chocolate or white chocolate.  I tried it with the milk chocolate.  Yum Yum. I went back the next day to buy a pound of those to take home so my dad could have some (he loves that kind of thing too).  Savannah as quite a selection of ice cream shoppes as well.  Leopold's Ice Cream is 'famous' because a) one of the owners later became a Hollywood producer and b) a loyal customer who when home from Hollywood would frequent the store and later wrote a song 'Tutti-Frutti' after one of the ice cream flavors.  The ice cream place was what you don't see much of these days.  A few casual tables inside and out to sit in, and then a side section with waitress service where you can order some food.  I had the mint chocolate chip.



Single forever? Might not be the end of the world afterall.

Change is hard.

A few years ago I was forced to go from being in a relationship & living with someone to spending my days and nights alone.  It was the hardest thing to re-adjust not sending messages to someone throughout the day, sleeping alone, not doing everyday things anymore because it was no longer relevant. And it happened so fast.  I would cry and think I was not cut out to be single. That I work so well in a relationship.  That being in a relationship would make me happy.  My life goals mostly reflected around having that someone there that I would share my life with.

Over the last 2 years, I have adjusted OK, it was the hardest thing I have had to do, but I learned how to be alone. I started to really enjoy it.  I realized that I was able to not have to compromise on what TV program to watch. I didn't have to listen to crappy music on long drives, I didn't have to pick up socks off the floor, I was able to purchase the kind of couch I liked and hung pictures I liked on the walls, I can sleep without being woken up by snoring, I don't have stress of fights/disagreements/, no BS, no lies.  I can be selfish.  I started a new routine.  I bought a king size bed and sleep on the WHOLE thing, because I can.  Sure, I miss having someone to talk to at dinner, or knowing I'd have a date to a wedding or take a trip with a specific person...but overall, I finally adjusted.

This past weekend I was away. During some free time, I was strolling the streets (well, not really strolling, I don't know how to walk that slow and without purpose, I am from NY) and was getting so agitated that the couple in front of me was all lovey-dovey.  And I realized that I might not want to be like that.  I think I am finally OK with being alone, and that my life could be just fine without that someone.  What a huge realization. 

I can probably go either way.  If I met someone - I can marry, but if not...well, it isn't the end of the world like I thought it would be.  If I met someone, trying to re-adjust to adding time for him in my life would be difficult. Since I have not really dated in four years, I am not used to having someone else around. For instance, at first you see someone once a week. No problem. But then you like them...and want to see more of them...this is the hard part. I know it will be gradual so hopefully it won't be as hard as the sudden change but when it comes down to it change is hard.



With this new realization that I can be happy being single, I am going to make sure I pick up the momentum and find things to make having a long life being single more enjoyable.  Because the hardest part is all the time spent alone (and watching all the other couples).  I don't need anyone; I would have liked someone - Sure that extra income would be great to pay the bills, and the companionship is nice to have a support system.  But if done right, being single could work out to my benefit.  I have a lot of work cut out for me to ensure that 1) I have/make enough money to support myself and my future  2) not be jealous when others are happy and find love 3) make new friends, perhaps also single.  Join groups. Find more people to socialize with 4) decide about raising a family on my own.  5) find hobbies I enjoy.  Go out. Don't say in all the time.  6) realize that so many people would want to be in MY shoes.  So take advantage of not being tied down to a husband or children.

Why do some people make you feel worse about yourself with out even trying?

The other day I blogged about wishing bad thoughts on people.  I find it necessary to follow up.  So, sure, I wrote that post with someone in mind.  When I found out the 'news' I was actually a little upset that it was a complete blown out of proportion self diagnosis and instead, ended up shedding a few tears realizing how put together someone is becoming AND taking better care of themselves.  It was like a blow to my face.  Unintentional of course, but it seemed to me, the over analyzing person I am, that it was like look - I am not with you and I am bettering myself.  I go to the gym, I do yoga, I am eating better, I have a ton of money, etc.  It shouts I am a better person in my life, than you.  So, while I am happy that my enemy does not have a fatal disease, I was looking forward to a little unhappiness, but the only one unhappy is me.  No surprise there.  I guess it is what they say - the only person feeling bad about things is you.  The other person is over it and doesn't care.  I need to let go.  I just don't know how.

Charlie, Alan and Rose

I just caught up on the last three episodes of Two and a Half Men.  I loved that show when it was first out.  Jake was adorable and some of the shows best lines were from the first two seasons.  As Jake started getting older, I thought the show started to loose a little fizzle.  This past year I stopped DVRing it because I put The Event and Gossip Girl above it, which isn't an issue since I could watch it on the computer anyway. 

So, with all the publicity that Charlie Sheen has gotten this past year, I have to be honest, it has NOT affected my perception of him or the show.  So, he likes hookers, drinks a lot, and has a ton of money...gee, does that sound familiar? Why yes, it sounds like him on the show.  Perhaps that lessens the shock value.  Additionally I despise his first wife.  And his second seemed a bit better, but still, not the smartest choice.

Can I quickly talk about Rose? I love Rose.  She is utterly hilarious.  I was so happy to see her return this season.

Charlie, Rose and Alan make me laugh more than anyone else on Sunday, Monday or Tuesday.  Check out the show if you haven't already.  It is in season 8, so you have lots of laughs ahead of you.

I'm not the only smelly one

I am not going to lie, I don't like to lie.  So here it is:  I haven't been enjoying showering lately and in the last two weeks, I have not showered on a regular basis.  I am not being lazy about it, I have lots of extra free time in my day and can afford to spend 10 minutes in the shower.  Also, I do not pay for water, so it is not about me being frugal.  I mean, seriously, whose idea was it to shower daily? Why did it become the norm?

I think it started once I started getting the Coppola Keratin Treatment done.  The hairdresser told me that it isn't good to wash your hair everyday (I've actually known this for a while).  With the treatment, straightening my hair is a much quicker processes.  I hate having my hands over my head for extended periods of time, my arms get all sleepy and I need to take breaks.  Sure, it only takes about 10-15 minutes for me to straighten it (in a not so straight kind of way) but still, why would I want to do that everyday?  So I got to the point where I would jump in the shower with a shower cap AND a towel wrapped around my head so I can wash off and smell clean.  In the summer I tended to need a shower after straightening my hair anyway since I'd get all sweaty.  Also in the summer sometimes I shower 2 or 3 times a day...but that is because I need to cool off, in the winter I rarely feel the need to warm up by taking a shower. Instead, I like to warm up with some hot chocolate or sit by a fire.

But now that the Fall/Winter have arrived, I have to say that I don't like showering.  I do NOT shave my legs on a regular basis in the fall-spring.  Half the time, I go to shower and I have the goosebumps anyway, you can't shave like that. 

Taking it one step further, I feel like I am not THAT dirty/smelly.  I don't exercise so I am not working up a sweat.  Sure, I have some NYC germs on me, but everyone needs germs.  I do wash my hands regularly and brush my teeth too much...so why not cut back on the showering?  I used to think I NEEDED a shower everyday not for cleanliness, but to help wake up.  However, that is not the case, I am a morning person. 

Example - I showered Sunday night (I had powder in my hair from Halloween) so Monday I didn't and I straightened my hair.  Then Tuesday I was going to shower, but I thought my hair still looked pretty awesome, so I didn't.  Instead, I sat in about 2 inches of water in my tub and cleaned the 'important' parts.  Not that they are that 'important' these days.  It was like I was in the 1800s (A time period I think I should have lived in).  I threw on deodorant and a little squirt of perfume (I do not wear perfume on a regular basis, so maybe that should be a hint to friends/coworkers of days I don't shower!) dressed and left for work.

I don't know how many days I would feel comfortable going with out showering, I haven't gotten that crazy yet.  Maybe just every other day, that seems reasonable.  So I was very happy when my friend sent me this article:  http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/31/fashion/31Unwashed.html?pagewanted=1&_r=3 about other people not showering or using deodorant on a daily basis.  I am happy to report, I am not the only {not} smelly one :)

Did you vote?

I over estimated how many people would vote before going to work this morning.  I live in an area that is walking distance to the train, and where many people elect to live in train towns to commute to work.  Therefore I jumped to the conclusion that, why not vote before you go to work, as many of the men work long hours.  At 6:31am I was voter #3 in my district.  It took me all of 3 minutes and I was out the door.  The longest part of the voting process is the old men/ladies who sign you in.  How many times do I have to spell my last name or give my address?  All NYS licenses have a bar code...why can't they just scan it to register us in?   We also have new scanable machines.  My district and the others I have voted in since I was 18 were the ones behind the curtains where you push levers and the votes were tallied when you opened the curtain by means of a lever.  These new scanable machines, to me are a step backwards.  The paper ballots look like a scantron form.  You go over to a small area, pick up a sharpie and fill in the circles - which more or less bleed through the paper so everyone will see who you voted for anyway depending on where your line is.  Then you walk over to the scanning machine and insert the ballot upside down into the machine and wait until it registers.  It is simple but I am glad I was able to pre-test it at the primaries. 

Anyway, what I really wanted to talk about is voting.  Honestly, I don't talk politics with people, most of the time not even my family.  Everyone is entitled to their own views and I respect that.  I even watched the presidential election with a good friend who was rooting for someone I didn't vote for.  So this won't be a push for one candidate over another.  Do as you wish.  My problems with voting are several. 

First, I despise all the people out there that vote for the WRONG reasons.  The last presidential election is a prime example.  I heard so many people say 'I voted for Obama because he is black'.  That was their only concern, to break a record - to have the USA have someone not white in office.  Sure, it shows that as a country we aren't as prejudice as we once were about race (we are more so in other areas now) but voting for someone based solely on skin color is wrong.  Skin color has no reflection on his ability to do a job. Do research.  Find out what else you could like about him and say you voted for him because it.  Every candidate has something you can relate to that would affect your beliefs in how a country is run.

Second, all you people out there that are eligible to vote in the US elections...and are not registered or are registered but don't vote - Stop bitching about how horrible the country is, how bad our elected officials are.  Yes, you have an opinion, but since you don't vote, it doesn't matter.  Especially local elections - you don't like that the schools had to cut back or that X is being suggested in your community?  Tough!  Perhaps if you did vote you wouldn't be so cranky and our community/country would be a better place.

Third, as I said, I try not to discuss politics.  It isn't because I am scared of what people will say.  I tend to go against many people's thoughts in many areas of life, and it doesn't bother me.  It does not bother me that I am a minority in my state/county.  I have my own reasons for voting for who I do.  So I don't want you to try to make me feel guilty for who I want.  It won't work. I will not feel guilty or bad about it - instead I just think how pathetic you are for badgering me...it only shows you are insecure about your thoughts if you have to be all loud and incoherent when you are talking.  You look like the fool, not me.

Fourth, crossing party lines.  I am OK with this. If a candidate in the opposing party is clearly a better candidate I WILL vote outside my party.  Absolutely.  Generally in all elections, there are at least two people I vote for outside.  I don't care, I like someone else better, I will vote for them.  I do have an issue with people HATING a candidate but still voting for them based just on party.

Finally, some people vote that shouldn't.  If you have no idea any of the names on the ballot or what election it is- don't vote. Stay home.  It does no good to randomly select 10+ people.  I am OK with having to make a few on the spot decisions and sometimes I do randomly select someone, but for the most part I go in there well informed about 80% of the positions/people. 

I get secret pleasure in listening to people at the train station, friends, etc who before elections can't stop talking about X person.  Why they are so wonderful, what needs to change, and then of course part of#3 where they try to argue to someone why their person is better and why can't I understand.  For a few months later them bitching about how bad something is.  They were all for it before it happened, but because they voted for the wrong reason #1, and were not well informed on the 'important' topics they now regret their decision.

I don't think these people 'learn their lesson' about voting for the next time around. But as long as enough people vote, we can only hope that it is better informed individuals.