one car away

Fate has this way of working, making you just a few seconds late to avoid an accident.  That happened to me this week.  On my drive to work there was a tracker trailer switching lanes.  He started to cross the line, apparently unaware that there was a car next to him.  That car was fast; when he realized the truck was crossing the lane and was just inches from him, he swirved right to avoid being struck by the truck....but in turn, hit the car that was in the farther right lane.  Apparently he didn't look to see where he was going, just knew that hitting  a car would be better than being hit by a big truck.  They pulled over to the side...but the truck didn't stop.  He didn't hit the car that was in the middle lane, but because of him, the accident happened.  I don't even know if the driver of the truck realized what happened, I know because I was directly behind and I saw the whole thing.  I debated if I should have pulled over too, an eye witness.  I was just a few feet away, saw it all happen.  I didn't think fast enough to pull out  my phone and video what was about to happen, even though, you see it happening in slow motion. I knew there would be a chain of events, and I started to plan my swerve route, if I needed one (I didn't).

But then I remember what happened to my father, he was a witness to a car accident, and had to give several interviews, was subpoenaed to court, testified and this carried on for almost a year.  He said he thought he was doing the right thing, but the way the law worked, it caused him a lot more trouble and time than it should have.  

I didn't stop.  I was a little shaky, thinking it could have been me that was either hit by the truck or hit a car to avoid the truck.  I was thankful that I didn't want to get up that morning and stayed in bed an extra few minutes, I am glad that I drove mostly in the right lane that day and other other event that landed me just one car away from the accident.

TiMER

Netflix recommended TiMER to me.  A movie where people have the option of wearing this timer that counts down the time until they find true love.

Oona, who is only 29, has a blank timer, not counting because her mate does not yet have a timer or because she doesn't have a soul mate.  Her stepsister's timer says she'll meet her true love around 45 while younger brother who is in the 9th grade finds his within days.

A question to consider, if your timer began to count down, do you still continue to date or see other people when you know they aren't the one?  Instead of having meaningful relationships, will people just having fun, will they fall for people before or have their timer removed?

I've felt like Oona for the last few years.  When will I meet my man?  Reassurance is something we crave and wouldn't it be kind of wonderful to know that the possibility is there and have that to look forward to?

homebody

I was laying on my beach towel in my back yard, soaking up the sun and the 75 degree day.  The twenty minutes I laid there, I was very content but my mind wandered to that I enjoyed my routine morning.  Preparing my food/lunch for the week, looking forward to a friend stopping over for a beer outside, and a call with some family members to end the day.  I want to share my life with someone but I am struggling with the location issue of where to meet someone.  I am a bit of a homebody.  I love cooking and baking and don't mind housework.  I run errands and get outside for walks, hikes, etc...I generally don't stop and take a lunch break at work...so I am alone most of my time.  I know I am not going to meet someone in my back yard or in my car.

Hopefully this re-revelation will help me do more with my hours now that the days are longer, and maybe I'll meet new friends/future husband.

loss

Loss is hard.  I've experienced a heartbreak loss only three times, but each was difficult in their own way.  I don't fall in love easily, so when I did, I was all in.  The first loss was hard because it was the first time I ever felt that way; a first real heartache, one that made me realize I probably did love the guy but didn't realize it until it was over.  The second was paralyzing and devastating causing me to barely remember two years of my life because I was in this blur of sadness, shock and denial.  The third was a loss of what could have been, death and guilt.

The common thread of all three has to do with being rejected.

Rejection is something everyone will feel at some point, or many points throughout their lives, not just with dating, but in the career, friendships, financial, education, etc.  When there is not as much at stake, that rejection is easier to handle...like when I applied to 80 jobs a few months ago, I expect a certain percentage of rejection, especially for the long shot applications, but ones that I truly felt I could excel at and they didn't even call me for an interview, that was a little harder because I wanted it more.  Same goes for relationships.  A few dates in and it ends...not a big deal; I am not losing sleep.  But when you spend years with someone and they are embedded in your everyday life, that rejection is much more difficult to handle.  You start to question everything about yourself, because if this person who once loved you so much just stopped...it is hard to understand why.

Time goes by, and yes, the loss and rejection is faded but it never really goes away.  A part of it stays with you and at certain times in your life....it reminds you it is still there.  The important thing is to learn how to not let it bog you down.  You can't obsess over it and let it take over your life; you need to learn, grown and be slightly cautious but not fault others because of how one person treated you.

Turn a bad experience into a self teaching moment.  You will be surprised of what can happen.

optimism towards potential not being alone feelings

I went on a few dates over the last three months and that really helped me and distracted me from my thoughts of ManFriend.  While I think about him a lot, these 90 days were more optimistic towards potential not being alone feelings.  But, I was also trying too hard to feel things I wasn't feeling; that didn't feel right or natural.  I was never sure about the guys, and while I wasn't the one to initiate the end, I am glad they ended quickly - within 3 weeks.  I rushed into things, I wanted to feel wanted and needed. It really didn't matter by who.  But it turns out it did matter, which is why I wasn't feeling it. I am glad to have had this learning experience.  It came later in life for me than I think most people experience it, but nevertheless...I think I got it.

sharing

I attended an inspiring women's event the other day, and I was reminded of why I started this blog - to work through issues, figure life out, forgive, overcome obstacles, etc.  And while I have posted a lot about that, and the many things in between, the last few months I've posted nothing of substance, maybe that is why I have struggled to find the time to want to write something.

So this event had two speakers.  I listened to their stories and they too overcame issues and were simply sharing their stories, one of abuse, the other of being diagnosed with MS and of course both mixed in the 'normal' life event issues that could happen to anyone.  I couldn't help but think, why can't I do that?  Perhaps in future posts I will revisit and share some stories.

tire warning light needs improvement

I have a new car, but I am wondering why the low tire pressure light does not indicate what tire is in need of looking at.

My light came on, I went to put in air.  In NY there were quite a lot of free air tanks, here in Colorado they all seem to be $1.00 for 4 minutes.  So I take off all the caps and start to put in some air in each tire.  The light goes off, but not for long.  My ride home, the light comes back on.  I search my car for my air pressure checker thing and finally found it.  I take off all the caps and check all the tires.  I can't figure out of the gauge is broken because every time I check the tire, I get a different reading.  I get the air hose, and check the pressure that way and fill up where I think it belongs.   The light goes off.

The next morning it goes on again.  I refill a few tires, not using all of the 4 minutes.  The next morning, when the snow finally is gone, I see a screw in my tire.  Ahh.  Well that explains that.

I go to Costco and tell them I need a plug.  They charged me $3.24!  For the piece and for them to do the work.  Holy cow, what a bargain!  Costco suggests I come back after 25 miles for a lug nut tightening/check, which I had done two days later for free.

But all of those trips to the air stations could have been avoided if my car told me what tire was having the issue.

do it yourself car wash

There are so many do it yourself car washes out here.  In my NY past, I went to the kind of car wash you either drove your car through, or got out and they put the car through the wash for a smart washing - based on what level car wash.  Sure, there are a few of those kinds of car washes out here...but they are harder to find.  The manual car washes seem to be on like every other block.

After the really snowy February, my car was a disaster, so a wash has been on my to-do list for weeks.  Then when things finally quieted down, the weather became 50-65 degrees and EVERYONE wanted a car wash so both the drive through and the manual ones had really long lines.  Ugh.

I attempted a wash-your-own car wash.  The sign said only $2.  I didn't know for how long.  I was number 3 in line so I was trying to watch the people in front of me to see what they did.  I should have gotten out and just asked the person who looked like he knew exactly what he was doing. The person in front of me washed his car for like 8 minutes.

When it was my turn, I pulled up, grabbed some quarters and read the sign.  Yeah, still confused.  So I just put quarters in, the water started and I gave it a quick hard wash.  Then I quickly grabbed the soap brush and did a super fast scrub because my water still had time.  Then I ran back over to the water stick and sprayed the car from the top down.  And I ran out of time.  I threw in another quarter got 25 seconds, and finished the back of the car.

For $2.25 I have a much cleaner car.  But it wasn't dirt free, which is fine. No doubt it is going to get dirty when it rains or snows next week.

This is an area I need to experiement more, or find someone whose done this before and explain what all the options meant and how to best utilize the water time vs soap scrubbing.

I like that I get to have different experiences out here.  That something 'normal' back home is a different 'normal' here.  For me to feel like I am here...I need to do these 'normal' local things.

realigning financial priorities

A few years ago I created a financial plan and I paid off a lot of credit card debit.  This year, I have other financial concerns/goals.  I moved and used $12,000 - $18,000 of my savings, practically draining that account while I didn't work. I still have my retirement plan, which is quite minimal considering my age, my Roth IRA which I haven't contributed to in 3 years, and the money from the sale of my condo/money that was gifted to me, borrowed or inherited. It is not a lot, but it will cover a down payment on the next thing I purchase.

Since I will be making less money at this job, I am a little concerned with how I can meet my financial needs.  My goals:

• save to purchase a place, while the down payment is covered, I need money to pay the mortgage, furnish it, pay taxes, any common charges, etc
• re-save the money I spent while I was out of work plus grow that account
• save into my Roth IRA
• have money for 'fun'
• think about having a family
• put money towards vacation/weekend getaways
• get better health insurance and have money for dentist, eye doctor and prescription
• pay down the student loan
• put money into a HSA account
• more money for 'fun' like dates, meetups, entrance fees, etc.

I drained my savings account....but the good news is, I did not rack up credit card debt.  January was the first month I had a balance/used the card, and that was for a flight to Florida, some work clothes and member dues at an association I belong to.  I also just closed one credit card I haven't used in four years and opened a new card with 0% interest for 15 months with cash back...but I hope not to use this card frequently and maybe close it within 3 years.

I think I am going to aim for a 50% essential expenses (place to live, health insurance, utilities, groceries, etc), 25% financial priorities (savings, student loan and eventually retirement savings) and 25% lifestyle (going out, clothes, beauty, gifts) to start and see how that goes.  My essential expenses will change in a few months when I move out of the place I am currently residing.  25% for lifestyle seems like it might be high, but I came out here for a more balanced life and I want to experience things.  I am hoping that this will be less than 25% and eventually save more or put towards essentials.

My new company is not adding anything into my retirement account, so I am not sure I should put money into a new account to be opened for this purpose, even if it is before taxes.  So perhaps instead, I'll max out the IRA at $5,500, if possible. That is probably wishful thinking.

I need to wait until I see a paycheck to see how much my take-away income is and that will really help to figure some of this stuff out.  Oh, I also have to minus health insurance, my company isn't paying for that.

(wrote in January, before paycheck)

rethink biological children

I was at dinner with two new people from my group and we came upon the topic of children and if I had any.  Unfortunately not was my answer.  In my 20s I wanted a bunch of children, now, I don't know.  So I told them that I had hoped with my moving out to Colorado that maybe I'd be able to adopt a child.  A few questions later when I said I wanted a 5-7 year old, I got a 15 minute lecture on why that is a horrible idea.  "Do you know the problems those kids have?"   Hmm...no, but I can only imagine some of them.  Most had horrible years of some sort of abuse or neglect and the others had a trauma.  "Why would you want to do that? Don't you deserve to raise a child with less problems"  I don't think I am entitled to anything, whose to say my biological child won't have problems?  Every child needs someone to love them.   "Sure, that is a benefit for a child, what about you?"  Well, all an adult wants is someone to love.  I get my happiness from that, knowing that I am trying to help someone and giving my love to someone, and hope that they would eventually trust me and then love me.  She shakes her head in disapproval.  I ask, if I shouldn't adopt a child in that range, who is worthy of adopting?  "a baby" she replies.   So I ask, if people like me who want to adopt children (not babies) don't...what happens to all those kids?  They are just stuck there having a more messed up life, being bounced around from foster home to foster home or in homes where they may not be loved?  What did they do to deserve that?  Unfortunately then our other meal mate returned to his seat, and the conversation ended.

This lady is smart and educated....and I know that in her line of work she deals with a lot of issues that these kids have on a regular basis.  So, I know she is talking from experience, but, still, this was upsetting to me.  I am not sure if I will have biological children.  I am not sure I will foster or adopt child(ren) it all depends on my financial state and if I meet a man before then that wants a biological child (if even possible).

comes at a price

I am at my first meeting with my new group and they've all been so welcoming and nice.  So many people have said they've heard wonderful things about me and all about the changes already...and I am thinking...I've only been there like a month.  If they are impressed now, just wait.

But all this great stuff they want / see will come at a price.  My salary is drastically lower than where it should be.  And I made it clear to the chair and the treasurer when they said something about me being around for many years or about my progress in finding a place to live...that being at this position is not conducive to my future, aside from experience, there are no benefits.  I think this time, they understood....if they don't find a way to come up with more money within a few months, I very well can leave.

Who knows, maybe I'll get fired next week for opening my mouth.  No one else is going to fight for me in this life, I have to do it.  And I need to be better about standing up for myself and not let people take advantage of me.  So no matter what happens, I won't have any regrets.

feeling a little off

I feel a little blue today.  Is it because I told online guy #3 that my biggest dating pet peeve is that the person ignores the other instead of just saying they aren't interested? Then I wished him luck and said it was interesting.  Or is it that guy#3.1 (didn't meet him) blocked me after he spent an hour looking at my profile (he admitted to that), and then emailing me 4 times in one day.  What, one wrong answer and you get blocked?  WTF.  I get we need to have basic needs met, have basic commonalities, etc, but did you really give it a go? If there was an answer you didn't like or understand, why not just ask about it?

Or maybe it is because it is snowing again.  Where has the sun been for the last two days?  That is probably it, I've become accustomed to sun, that no sun and my seasonal depression is escalated.

Or is it work?

Or actually, I think, if I got a period, I would have gotten one yesterday, which means I am probably just emotional because of those hormones.

Who knows, I've been 'good' for a few months, so it is normal to have an off day.

dating ADD

I am not enjoying the online dating thing too much.  Because I haven't 'settled' people call me picky. I am not being picky, I am open to date a variety of people.  I go on more than one date to feel people out.   I try.  They lose interest before I do most of the time. If I met a person who seems OK, I keep going with it...probably why I was in relationships with other people longer than I should have been.  My recent experience in dating has been that the men are being more picky.  Most are claiming for a relationship...but really aren't 'ready' for one.  They think you are great, but are waiting for something better to come along.

The last guy I went out with, when I went to use the bathroom and came back, he was looking at his potential matches.  Really?  You couldn't wait until the date was over? It wasn't even our first date, it was like date #6.  That date he even wanted to make plans for something days/weeks away.  But...after the following day, I never heard back from him.  Maybe it was because I said I believed in aliens.

Another gentleman I was chatting with via email all day today blocked me by the time I got home.  I was a little surprised, I logged on to give him my phone number as he gave me his just hours earlier.  We were having a great conversation, asking some basic but hard questions...what made him block me? That I wished him luck on his date this weekend?  Said that I'd rather meet in person than continue to email all the time?   That I admired his work history and where he got?  But at least he didn't drag it out like men before him.

My subscription ends next week or the week after...I am not sure I am going to extend it.  The guys out here are slightly better than the men I met in NY, but I am still under impressed.

Why do so many people who are attempting to date have ADD? What is so hard about giving people an actual shot and being in the here and now?

busy bee

I haven't written anything in almost 3 weeks.  I have to admit, I have enjoyed being busy and not thinking about blogging...maybe that means it is time to call it quits?  But I am not sure I am ready for that, I might miss it.

Work is OK.  It has potential...but I am also mad at myself for allowing them to pay me so little.  After the first two weeks I had a breakdown and considered looking for jobs again.   But instead, what I need to focus on for a few months is wow-ing them and proving myself and then have a compensation conversation.  If they don't agree...well, I look for another job.  If they do....I'd be happy.  That means I can seriously consider purchasing a place to live, paying down my student loans, saving more, and oh...buying better health insurance.

I also met another guy and have been on several dates.  I am not sure.

And in more of that little free time, I have been doing 'fun' things (per my yearly goals).  If I get around to it, I will write about it, eventually.

Second week of work recap

This was really like my first week.  I was on my own in this new job.

Everyone didn't want to overwhelm me, so the first three days I spent 90% of my time cleaning.  I cleaned and sanitized everything in/on my desk.  I moved bookcases and books.  I changed the bathroom from a storage closet to a bathroom.  I threw away about 60 empty boxes/lids, a desk for a kid, an AV cart that could barely stand up on its own.  The previous lady, as sweet as she is, was a hoarder.  There were empty bags everywhere in addition to empty rolls of tape, yeah, just the plastic part.  I threw away and recycled bins and bins worth of stuff.  She must have had 30 clipboards.

But I also made a mess.  I didn't understand her method of work, and so I just piled papers on top of papers.  It is going to take weeks to look through and understand some of this stuff.

Friday's will always be the busiest day with people coming in and out, so that will be nice.

The commute still sucked, one day when we had some bad weather, it took me one hour and 45 minutes to get to work.  Usually it is about 40 minutes in the morning and 50-60 in the evening.  I've been practicing different routes, but so far haven't found a road less traveled.

Looking forward to keeping busy, not only with the everyday work...but with the several other projects that need to be started.

first week at job recap

My first week of work went well.  It was a lot to take in between learning a little the company as well as trying to think in my head how to make it more....clean/organized.  Since I was by the side of the lady retiring, my first week wasn't really MY first week.

Retired lady was really sweet.  We went out for a really nice dinner and had a long chat about her career there and her hopes for retirement.  She just kept saying over and over how happy she was that they selected me; she had a good feeling.

Later that week I attended an event where I met active members.  I am not good with small talk, and the two hours went really slow...but I made it through and hopefully left a nice impression with them.  The following day I met even more people...and I told them they'd have to remind me of their names as I met quite a few people in less than 24 hours.  That is the hard part, not having photos and names to 'study' from, but the occasional repetition.

Overall, it was a good week.  An overview of sorts.  I kept worrying that there is so much to learn and do...would I succeed?  Would I win them over after such an attachment to my predecessor?  Of course I can do it...why wouldn't I?  It is just a matter of time that I will feel comfortable and understand my new position.

what did I get myself into?

Surprisingly I was not too nervous for my first day of work.  Maybe reality didn't hit that I'd be working again.  The traffic getting to work was bad, about 50 minutes to go 20 miles; glad I got a book on tape from the library!

When I walked in, the lady I am replacing gave me a huge hug.  She is ready for retirement and was so glad that they found someone to replace her.  I'd be training with her for a week.  

She took me around to the 4 offices + 3 other areas, a nice amount of space for such a small organization.  But oh my....there were papers, stuff, supplies, etc EVERYWHERE.  I knew they mentioned document management needing to be a project, but I was not prepared to see a work hoarder.  Then we sit down and go over some things in the computer.  The 'database' that they paid someone to do, was a simple excel spreadsheet that only captures demographic information and a few other pieces of information.  Next she shows me some of her clip boards of things to do, sign up sheets, etc.  She must have sixty clipboards.  I was mentally exhausted after the first three hours of wondering what did I get myself into?  There is so much work to fix.  I am not getting paid enough.  What would I do first?  Oh my.  

In the afternoon I signed some papers to get computer access, access to the financial application and an email.  The ID badge and parking would be for later this week.

We didn't stop for lunch. I only took one bathroom break.  It was a long day. A day of really, just an overview.  I still have so much to to learn/understand/grasp the timeline.  I wasn't nervous about the starting of work, so much as...will I succeed in this job?  And I am hoping the board understands that these projects will take time.

But as much paper, crap and stuff there was everywhere...I still am excited about it.  The job is right up  my alley.

uneventful last free day

My last free day was uneventful.  I kept wondering, what should I do with this last day of not working?  But I've had seven months of not working, I don't have money to shop, the snowshoeing hurt my lungs so I couldn't go for a hike, what else was there?

In the end I went to the grocery stores, had my eyebrows waxed, watched a few movies...and just really didn't do anything.  Isn't that the whole point of relaxing?

accepting the job

I met with the man in charge to discuss salary and benefits of the potential job.  I knew they could not met my salary requirements, they mentioned that two weeks ago, but I was hopeful they would come back with something that wasn't horrible.  And it seemed completely genuine, them not having enough money.  I looked through their 990 and I know they were extremely pleased with my work history and my potential from them, I know they were new to the whole hiring thing...and they wanted to give as much as they could so I would say yes.

They wanted to give me two weeks vacation....I got three.  The salary was in the range I expected it to be based on conversations...but the kicker is, that the health benefits are deducted from that salary...not in addition.  That means when I select my health insurance, I have to factor the cost of the insurance against what I think I'd use vs. if it is better for me to have as salary.  I can't go for the $400 monthly premium and will end up with a $200-250 premium with a high deductible.  Also, there is no company match/contribution into a retirement plan.

It seems that my employment choices over the last three years keep going down...not up.  I keep losing money or benefits as the job changes...but on the positive side, the jobs have/will be great learning experiences.

So, while I am nervous financially about my future, I am very excited to be starting this particular job.  The title is great, the work sounds interesting...and it holds a lot of potential for molding and fixing, which I am really looking forward to.

county health service - STI testing

Before the booty text, I made an appointment for a STI screening with the local health services department, thinking that since the guy took off his condom the first time...I needed to be sure I was ok.  They were able to get me in the following morning.  Hours later I go and have sex again with the guy, figuring if I contracted anything, it probably would have been from the first time, well, provided he didn't sleep with other people since then.  Don't lecture me.

Point is it is smart to get tested, and frequently.

My appointment was for 9am but they asked me to get there at 8:15 to fill out paperwork.  I arrived, filled out an orange check in card and had a seat until I was called.  I went to a check in desk and verbally provided information, supplied my photo id and then signed and filled out about 10 sheets of paper.  Consent forms, disclosure forms, financial information, medical history forms, emergency contact form, etc.  When I was done, I was brought into an exam room for height, weight, blood pressure and then escorted to the bathroom to pee in a cup and then told to wait until I was called.  I waited about 15-20 minutes and met with the midwife.  She reviewed my paperwork, asked questions and I confirmed why I was there.  We went over possible tests and I asked about incubation times for the infections.  She explained that they use a sliding scale for testing and services.  I started to wonder...oh, how much will I have to pay for this? Yikes.  In NY this was a free service.  The midwife then supplied me with a vaginal swab and a breast gown.  She left the room and I was to collect my own vaginal sample with the supplied equipment.  I read the instructions twice.  I pulled down my pants, unwrapped the swab, stuck the swab in and moved it all around for 30ish seconds.  Removed, opened the tube with liquid, inserted stick breaking off the top and closed the lid.  Pulled up my pants and then took off my top and bra so she can give me a breast exam.  When that was all done they collected a little blood for the syphilis test.  I was brought to the checkout/financial area.  They gal provided an invoice based on the sliding scale.  My jaw dropped, $274.  Yikes.  Was it worth it?  But then I realized, I owned nothing...because I make nothing.  It was free for me.  8:15 am - 9:40 am.  Not bad.

Compared to the NY site, this site was more efficient, friendly, they didn't belittle me with my sexual past, was not as confidential, and is more of a doctor's office than just a walk-in clinic. I did not get a bag full of free condoms, although I think there were some on the wall.

When I get health insurance...I probably won't go back to the county department since I'll have found doctors and have some of these services covered.

the booty text

The guy texted me asking me to come over so I can take advantage of him.  A clear booty call.  Question is...do I do it or not?  In the 'for' column I have...well, at least it wouldn't be a one night stand and maybe I'll get a better read on him.  In the 'bad idea' column is that it is clearly a booty call.
I went for it.  I know, shame on me.  But I really hate the idea of 'wasting' a number on a guy for sex just once.  And I have a few guys back home that I'd sleep with on occasion/when the need arose, so it might not be a bad thing to have a guy out here for that purpose.

The decorative bed pillows were prepped (off the bed), the three candles lit, and the ceiling fan on.  I commented on the fan being on and he said it was because I was so hot the last time.  If nothing else, he remembered that and was fairly considerate when it came to my comfort.

The sex was fast.  I didn't realize he came though; I have such a hard time with that sometimes.  Why are guys so quiet?  I certainly don't feel anything; am I supposed to?  He took out his little toy and attempted to please me.

I hung around and we chatted about nothing interesting. Got dressed, he put on a movie and then half way through kicked me out because he was tired.  At the door he asked me to follow up with him about the job, and I was surprised and asked if he really wanted to know or was just being polite.  He claimed to want to know.  I made a snide remark about not seeing each other for another 2-3 weeks and he seemed surprised that is how long it was since the last time.  Maybe he is just genuinely clueless.

I left not feeling used or dirty or gross, I knew what I was getting when I accepted the invitation, but rather I felt disconnected and I don't care.  Sure, I want a relationship...but this is not it. Maybe there will be more casual sex or maybe it will evolve.  Maybe he'll go out with other people and realize I am the lesser evil and want to date - but by then it will be too late because I won't be second pick yet again.

last minute getaway

I was chatting with my parents when they were en-route to Florida; that sounded like a nice getaway. I haven't been a way for a while since I gave up the chance to go home for the Christmas holiday for an interview.  As it turned out, when the job called and selected me as their top candidate I had a feeling I wouldn't be taking a day off for a while...so I I called my family friends down in Florida and invited myself down there for a few days and booked a ticket for that night.  I was able to spend time with my parents and them and it was really just so relaxing and wonderful.  I felt the stress melt away.  The palm trees made me happier.  It was sunny and 74 degrees.  It was the perfect getaway.

I told my parents and friends about the job and it being 95% a sure thing.  We still needed to meet to discuss the salary and benefits, but provided I accept it...I'd be starting work soon.  They were thrilled.  Things are starting to fall into place.

My first day we walked 5th Avenue in downtown Naples, I went to a fancy dinner at the Ritz Carlton with a former co-worker, my former ED, and the Presidential Team who happened to be in town for a retreat.  I was so happy I was able to see my friend and also catch up with the executives - it is always good to maintain those connections.  The following day we drove to Captiva and had lunch in the Bubble Room and did a little window shopping in Sanibel (I did this last year when I was there too), the day after was an afternoon trip to Naples Pier, sitting on the beach for 15 minutes, a sight seeing sunset cruise and a dinner we waited 50 minutes to be sat at (they quoted a 15 minute wait time!).  My last day we had breakfast at the club house, toured open houses or model houses, and catching rays from the sun by the pool.  Then it was time for the sad goodbyes.

Booking the trip last minute was a little pricey...but I saved money not needing a hotel or rental car and really, seeing my parents was worth it.

2014 Fantasy Football Rundown

After a very successful first year of fantasy football, I was hesitant to embrace it this year - would it be as fun and exciting?

I asked Mountain Man if he wanted to play his own team in our league, continue to assist me or perhaps he didn't want to be involved at all.  He said he'd assist.

This year, our league grew from a ten team to a twelve team...which made the draft even more difficult with the better players being picked by more people, lessening your chance of getting more top players.

An hour or so before the draft, I find out I was #8.  I did research like last year, but it wasn't enough.  Add on top of that that our commissioner changed our pick time from 2 minutes to 1 minute...not bad if you know who you want...but when your list dwindles down to no one...and you need to compare people, there just wasn't time.

This was my draft selection...

• Drew Brees (he wasn't supposed to be my first pick, but autopilot was picking QBs for those that didn't make the live draft, and I wanted to be sure I secured him)
• Giovani Bernard (had him last year)
• Vernon Davis
• Antonio Brown (had him last year)
• Ben Tate
• Cordarrelle Patterson
• Rams (OK, so I picked my defense team a little early)
• Trent Richardson
• Martellus Bennett
• Eric Decker (I really didn't want a Giant or Jet...but was best choice at the time)
• Ryan Tannehill
• Johnathan Grimes (I had no idea who he was...if only I paid attention to pregames and news and went with Denver's Brandin Cooks!!)
• Saints 
• Dan Bailey (had him last year)
• Benny Cunningham (I had no idea who he was either)
• Dan Carpenter (this was a mistake...I had people in my queue but they were all taken, I forgot to remove him when I picked up Bailey, and I ran out of time and autopilot picked him up for me at 60 seconds)

Over the course of the season this was the progression:

• Drew Brees
• Giovani Bernard
• Vernon Davis dropped for:
• Delanie Walker (week 13)
• Antonio Brown
• Ben Tate dropped for:
• Jonas Gray (week 12)
• Doug Martin (week 14)
• Charles Johnson (week 15)
• Cordarrelle Patterson dropped for:
• Brian Quick (week 6) and only brought in 1 point...week 8/9 injury out of season.
• Lorenzo Taliaferro (week 9)
• Vikings (week 11)
• Rams (week 13 - and they brought in 34 points! Best pick yet!)
• Rams dropped for:
• Dolphins (week 3; they were my 3rd choice) dropped for:
• Eddie Royal (week 5)
• DeAngelo Williams (week 8)
• Adrian Peterson (week 14) didn't play him, was hoping maybe his appeal would be overturned
• Latavius Murray (week 15)
• Trent Richardson
• Martellus Bennett
• Eric Decker
• Ryan Tannehill dropped for:
• Kirk Cousins (week 3) never played him
• Carson Palmer (week 8)
• Percy Harvin (week 11)
• Johnathan Grimes dropped for:
• James Starks (week 2) never played him
• Jerick McKinnon (week 2 - ZERO points) 
• Knile Davis (week 3)
• Tre Mason (week 7)
• Saints dropped for:
• Bills (week 2 - but didn't play them and they did well)
• Dan Bailey
• Benny Cunningham dropped for:
• Malcom Floyd (week 1)
• Brandon LaFell (week 9)
• Dan Carpenter dropped for:
• Brian Hartline (week 1) 
• Dwayne Bowe (week 2)
• Browns (week 7) never played them
• Matt Prater (week 10) played only to cover bye week
• Kyle Orton (week 12) never played him.

How I did:

• Week 1 - I was projected to win, but I lost by 7 points.  I had to make my nephew mint chocolate cake.  It was a fun project trying to figure out how to make baked goods and ship them over to him, in tact and still yummy.
• Week 2 - I was projected to lose by 9, instead I won by 5
• Week 3 - I was projected to win by 3.  Up for bets this week was me taking my niece shoe shopping or her drawing me a picture.  I won by 24.
• Week 4 - I was projected to lose by 6, I won by 32.
• Week 5 - I was projected to lose by 6, I lost by 9. 
• Week 6 - I was projected to lose by 20, I won by 15.
• Week 7 - I was projected to win by 21, I won by 1...with a TOTAL points of only 63.  It was a weak week.
• Week 8 - I was projected to lose by 17, I won by 17.
• Week 9 - I was projected to win by 10, I won by 3, with a total of only 76 points.  It was a nail bitter game on Monday. 
• Week 10 - I was projected to lose by 19, I lost by 90. 
• Week 11 - I was projected to lose by 2, I lost by 31.
• Week 12 - I was projected to win by 15, I won by 22.
• Week 13 - I was projected to win by 10, I won by 62....and secured the first place seed in my division and second in the league with 9 wins, 4 loses, a PF of 1254 and a PA of 1210.
• Week 14 - my bye week.  Ended up with 91 points, not too bad.
• Week 15 - projected to win by 1, I won by 8, with a final score of 87....which puts me in the championship game!
• Week 16 - I am playing a team that only lost 2 games this season...so talk about intimidating. I was projected to win by 30 points.  My defense (I played the Bills) and my quarterback (Brees) completely under-performed by a total of 30 points, add in my other under-performers and it wasn't looking good.  I ended with only 66 points (projected was 112) My opponent had two players on Monday, so a 13 point lead with a quarterback and wide receiver left to play is not a good feeling.  I hoped that his quarterback, who was missing practice with the flu and his injured wide receiver would under perform.  The game was going great for me, at half time, between the two players, they only had 1 point!  I still had a chance!  Then within a few minutes of quarter three, it was over.  A touchdown involving both those players...and the points continued to increase.  I ended up losing by 20 points.

What a great year though.  Sure, I won last year and it was thrilling but this year I got so far and it was such a challenge.  My roster wasn't as loaded with good players as the year before and I still did well. I am proud of myself and happy that Mountain Man still advised me on players/teams...but also realized he is more of a fluke picker...as in the guy did well one game, must pick him up and then he doesn't come close to scoring that well again...for weeks.  I will have to remember that for next year.

didn't work out

The new non-guy has been avoiding me, clearly he isn't interested anymore.  He responds hours later and never with anything of substance.  I could just walk away, that would be the easiest thing to do.  But no, I am not in junior high.  Adults are supposed to communicate and be honest.  So whether he likes it or not, I am making it 'official'.

Here is the text I sent:

well...it seems this didn't work out. I was both a little disappointed and surprised.  I thought our three dates went well; I had a moment of uncertainty, doubting myself, but I was hopeful and excited...butterflies included.  But something changed for you; I don't need to know what.  Contrary to my actions with you, I don't sleep around, and I was a bit nervous. I went for it because I wanted to get to know you better, was extremely turned on from all the kissing :) and thought it might be the start of something.  I saw potential.  Obviously I read that wrong :(  You should have just said something if you weren't interested instead of ignoring me so I didn't seem like a fool continuing to ask to see you.  But, I am glad and thankful that I met you; lessons learned.  You were the first guy I met out here and it reinforced my readiness and desire to find a relationship, and for that, I thank you :).  Second, again, not knowing many people, the little we talked and your wishing me well on the job thing meant a lot.  It helped my good mood and confidence during the interviews. And I am happy to report that I was selected as their first choice and the job is mine if I want it.  So thank you for listening and rooting me on those three weeks :)  I really do wish you the best.  You have a lot of really great qualities that most women would find desirable, and I am sorry it wasn't me that you found worth dating.  I wish you luck and success but more importantly, happiness. I enjoyed our brief time...and on the off chance you change your mind, you know how to find me.

Guy responded that his intention was not that I looked like a fool.  He thought I was great. And then asked me a few benign questions.

Well, what the hell does that mean?  He didn't say it was over, he didn't say he still wanted to chat. I just responded to his question and that was it.  I didn't care anymore if anything would or would not happen. I am over it and I am not obsessed with constantly checking my phone or hoping I'd hear from him.  I am going to get back online and start talking to new people. It was a good experience though and I am thankful that I had that opportunity.

the almost offical offer

The same day my references were called, I receive an email from who I would be reporting to.  He repeats that I was the top candidate for all five interviewees and that they are delighted I am interested in the position.  He informs me that from what he heard so far, I had stellar references and with that he wanted to talk about the next steps.  He tells me that they are a small group and don't have heavy pockets but wants to go over some ideas before we meet to discuss the contract.  I informed him I had just booked a last minute trip and hoped we'd be able to have the meeting the following week, he seemed OK with that because it gave him more time to prepare an offer.

a much needed weekend away

Knowing that I will be starting to work again very soon...provided we come up with a salary/benefits package that meets my needs, I knew I wanted to go away for a few days.  Enjoy myself and release some of this stress.  Stress not just from job searching for six months, but also the whole anticipation of will they pick me...and the man thing.  Sure, I've been not working for six months, but it hasn't always been enjoyable worrying about my savings running out, where I'd live, where I'd work.  It has been really trying and hard but something I knew would be worth it.

Denver had a little cold snap with a very cloudy sky...oh how I wanted sun again!  So I started to think of places I can go for a quick few days.  I've really wanted to go towards the Durango area, Utah, or northern Arizona...but I was hesitant to want to drive all that way in the winter.  Never know what the weather in the mountain areas are going to be like.

Then I was chatting with my parents. I forgot they were headed to Florida to see family friends.  And so, I invite myself down there.  I book a last minute flight leaving at 1:20 am and will be in Florida for three and a half days.  Not only am I excited to see my parents and family friends and tell them about this job, but it turns out that my former friend/colleague who was a really sweet, kind and helpful friend, the ED, and the presidents are all down in the same town on a strategy retreat, so I will get to have dinner with them and catch up.  I left on good terms and am excited I get to see them again.

Naples, FL Sunset

checking the references

Sometimes I am not good about keeping in touch with my references. I like to have a nice variety...but then feel awkward when I reach out to someone I haven't spoken to since my last job change.

In December I followed up with my references to make sure they were still OK being my reference and to verify that the information I had for them was correct.  I heard from everyone that they would be happy to provide a reference.

Once I talked with the job lady and emailed her my 'standard' references.  Then I re-emailed my references giving them the heads up that I was at the reference calling stage after successfully completing the two sets of interviews, and they should expect a call the following day.  One reference it turns out is in Italy until mid-February so I had to scramble at the last minute to find a replacement reference.

They called the next day, and talked to at least half.  In total, I supplied four professional and two personal references.

top choice

It is hard to wait 7 - 10 days for a decision about a job you applied to two and a half months ago.  But I didn't have to. I waited three days for a phone call that I was the top candidate, and not only that, but it was a unanimous decision among the five people I interviewed with - they all selected me as their top choice.

I was warned that they can not meet my salary requirements, but they are working to come up with a benefits/salary package that would be acceptable to me.  I will meet with them in person after they crunch their numbers, and negotiate health benefits, vacation, professional development, hours, occasional work from home? in lieu of salary.

I am excited.  I thought this job lined up perfectly with my skills when I saw the posting.  I applied right away, and two interviews later...I was still excited about the position because it has 'fun' projects to bring them into the 21st century as well as the potential for the future...IF they are willing to work on their board development and strategy.

Now, I need to take a few days off...all this stress, I haven't enjoyed my 'free' time as much as I should have over the last few months.  And who would have thought I'd ever say that I am looking forward to working again?  Because they know I haven't worked and because the other lady wants out...I see a starting date towards the end of this month!

Noticeable differences between CO and NY

Some differences I've noticed from New York and Colorado in the six months I've been here. (where I've lived, not necessarily the whole states)

• Most of the Chinese places I've been to is sit down in Colorado, whereas in NY, most were take out with a few tables
• In CO regular gas is 85 octane, in NY regular gas is 87 (due to elevation)
• In CO not many people beep their horns (THANK YOU!), in NY, especially the city, that is a regular occurrence
• Many of the roads, the right hand lane is/becomes a turn only lane in CO, in NY not so much...maybe this is why so many people drive in the middle lane in other states annoying the hell out of the locals.
• The constant overcast sky in the fall/winter in New York compared to a mostly blue sky in Colorado
• Many people don't recycle (that I've seen...in this area of Colorado), it cost more money to do it or there are a few drop off locations...where I lived in NY (not the whole state, all towns are different), but the garbage and recycling was done by the town.  Of course recycling isn't mandatory, but they made it easy for you to do
• Many driveway curbs are not cut out in Colorado, in New York many driveways are flush with the street.
• Where I lived in NY our extremely high taxes went to local services, including having roads plowed regularly.  In Colorado, it seems they don't really plow much, often or many roads.
• In Colorado, people tend to take their appliances with them whereas in NY they came with the house/apartment
• Seltzer water is harder to find in Colorado then where I lived in New York, and if you find it, there are less flavors.  
• The rain is dirty in Colorado. I had my car washed, it was sparkling like when I first picked it up.  Then it rained the next day and my car was dirty.  
• The weather changes more rapidly in Colorado than NY, the sky can be blue and an hour later it can be super cloudy/rainy/snowy/windy and the temps can go down 20 degrees.  
• In Colorado, especially in the winter, I go through way more windshield washer fluid because the rain is dirty, the snow is dirty, the temps are low so the dirtiness freezes to the windshield
• Much less humidity/much drier in Colorado
• Way more sunshine in Colorado - one of my favorite differences!
• Clinic/medical services were less expensive or free for some services where in Colorado they may use a sliding scale
• Of course the people seem friendlier in Colorado
• Many people have dogs in Colorado.  I am not sure if there are more or if it is just more noticeable.
• The sun is stronger because we are higher in elevation in Colorado, so the temperatures feel different.  At 35 degrees, sometimes I leave the house in a fleece sweater, at 45 degrees, sometimes just a long sleeve shirt or vest.  The snow melts fast. It is amazing.

fed up

The man I met is frustrating me.  Not setting a firm next date.  Not responding to a text.  I am annoyed at myself for thinking he was different, that I was lucky to meet someone so quickly and actually be intrigued.  But, alas, he is the same as most of the men I've met over the years.  Interested, and once he knew I was interested/had sex...it lost its appeal.  Perhaps I was no longer a challenge.

I am not sure how to screen for this.  I asked why he joined that website, he claimed because he was looking for a relationship not just sex.  I told me over and over that I was pretty and compared me to Katie Holmes.  He winked and smiled and it looked genuine.

And then there was the sex.  Yes, I normally don't rush into it - but I figured what the hell...I haven't had action in a very long time and I liked him and wanted to know him and my body was craving it after the kiss.  He seemed comfortable with it and finished...we chatted another hour before I left.

Then non-committal plans.

I really don't want to go through the online dating process...it is such a headache.  I just want to be in the relationship.  I am ready.  I got a little taste of it...and I know I am ready. I won't freak out again.

So, I guess that is it.  Time to get back online and sort through more people.  If this man messages me, I'd be willing to see him one more time...but days away, planned in advance.  But I am not keeping my fingers crossed anymore.  If there are two things that pisses me off...it is not having my time valued and being lied to.  I've had enough of that in the past.

But this leads me to wonder....what is wrong with me?  A thought for another day.