After the garage sale, my sister decided to stay over so we tried to have a sister night. Usually for a sister night we'd play a game and talk, we haven't had one of those in years...as it is so hard to find a time when all of us are free and in the same area. Unfortunately, one couldn't make it this time. So, my two sisters and I talked for hours laying on my bed. I felt like we were little kids gossiping before bedtime. We talked about the impending birth of another baby,our parents, tv shows, my move, and both their moves...yeah, that is right, my family is going through major transitions this year!
It was such a wonderful night. I was upset when my eyes started to get heavy and I worried I'd fall asleep and miss the conversation. We finally had to wrap it up a little after midnight because it was such a long day and none of us stay up that late anymore.
Moving away from my sisters and my parents is going to be the hardest thing for me emotionally. I've been lucky enough to live within two miles of two sisters and an hour away from the other...and now it is going to be a plane ride away. Living so close has allowed me to stop over for dinner, spontaneously run errands with one of them, go to their children's games/shows/etc. I am going to miss them all so much, but I know this is what I need to do, and it will be worth the physical distance I am putting between us. I'll have to learn to skype or facetime or whatever since (some) of the kids are old enough for phones and iPads and we'll be able to stay connected, which I will desperately need.
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
yard sale
Since I moved into my temporary housing, I've spent my evenings and weekends sorting through my stuff trying to decide what to keep, what to sell, and what to throw away. I have quite a bit of stuff, way too many clothes and shoes and just random things. When it is all in an apartment or in storage, it doesn't look like a lot, but when it is just sitting around...it is overwhelming.
Since I can't take a lot with me, since when I first get to where ever I am going will be temporary, I am not bringing a lot of items. Once I settle into a place, then I will have my items shipped or I'll come back for them.
So to lessen the need to move things that will eventually sit in boxes in the new place, I needed to have a garage sale. 9 AM - 4 PM on a Saturday. Even with getting up at 5:30 AM, it was a struggle to get everything done. Had to get everything outside, had to finish pricing, had to put signs up locally, responding to a few inquires via forums...it reminded me of the last time I did a garage sale and said I probably would never do it again.
My sister surprised me and came over at 7:30 AM to help get ready, and it was a huge help to get it all out because I had quite a bit of early birds stop by. The morning was very busy. Next thing I knew my mother said that my other sister was on her way over. She is in the process of moving, so she brought a car load of stuff to sell (but by the time she got here, it was about 1 PM). In the mean time my other sister's family came to help/hang out. I was shocked by how many family members came to help on such a beautiful Saturday.
The sale was worth it. Some items I was shocked sold and others I thought would sell didn't. All together I sold about $650. I have at least two more big items to sell- a desk for $325 and an elliptical for $240, maybe a fireplace for $400. Combine that with the scrapbook stuff I sold on eBay last month, that is about $2100+ that I will be able to put towards new furnishings after I move. Still no where near enough...but at least it will help!
Since I can't take a lot with me, since when I first get to where ever I am going will be temporary, I am not bringing a lot of items. Once I settle into a place, then I will have my items shipped or I'll come back for them.
So to lessen the need to move things that will eventually sit in boxes in the new place, I needed to have a garage sale. 9 AM - 4 PM on a Saturday. Even with getting up at 5:30 AM, it was a struggle to get everything done. Had to get everything outside, had to finish pricing, had to put signs up locally, responding to a few inquires via forums...it reminded me of the last time I did a garage sale and said I probably would never do it again.
My sister surprised me and came over at 7:30 AM to help get ready, and it was a huge help to get it all out because I had quite a bit of early birds stop by. The morning was very busy. Next thing I knew my mother said that my other sister was on her way over. She is in the process of moving, so she brought a car load of stuff to sell (but by the time she got here, it was about 1 PM). In the mean time my other sister's family came to help/hang out. I was shocked by how many family members came to help on such a beautiful Saturday.
The sale was worth it. Some items I was shocked sold and others I thought would sell didn't. All together I sold about $650. I have at least two more big items to sell- a desk for $325 and an elliptical for $240, maybe a fireplace for $400. Combine that with the scrapbook stuff I sold on eBay last month, that is about $2100+ that I will be able to put towards new furnishings after I move. Still no where near enough...but at least it will help!
Monday, July 28, 2014
tea leaf reading: take four
Tonight (May 29th) my mother surprised me by making an appointment at Katie's cottage for a tea leaf reading, she knew I wanted to get a reading before I left.
When I sat down, I told her my name and where I was living. After that she asked me who I was living with that is sick. I told her I am not living with anyone that is sick, but she is probably seeing ManFriend who lived in my apartment. She told me that the cancer was in a different place the second time, which is why they couldn't treat it, it moved so fast, she said it looked like pancreatic or colon cancer. She said he went peacefully, that he was ready to go and that he was with a younger person up in heaven and is very much at peace. She asked about my relationship with his family, which aside from talking to his mother and sending a card is non-existent. She did reassure me that he loved me very much and he wanted to avoid how hurt and sad I would be with his illness. He wanted me to remember him how he was (which I do understand). She asked other questions like what his profession was, where he moved in NJ...but I am not sure what she was trying to figure out because she didn't further those thoughts out loud.
She moved on to where I lived and with whom lived. I told her I was living with my parents temporarily. She asked if I had a seller for the apartment, which she knew I owned, and I said yes, that we hope to close very soon. She said my living with my parents is temporary and by the end of the summer I will have moved, which is precisely the current plan. She asked where I was moving and why I selected it. My responses were not too helpful....where am I going?? I told her to the Rocky Mountain region, location still to be decided. She asked if it was temporary or permanent, and I responded I'd like it to be permanent, but if I don't like it, I'll go somewhere else or move back. She told me the move is the best thing for me. That I will love it and my future that I've been waiting for will happen. She said not to bring all my stuff when I leave the first time (something I've been thinking about for weeks).
She asked me about my current job and what I do, then asked what I planned to do after I move. Again, I don't really have an answer. I told her I can stay in my field, maybe go more into event management, or really, whatever will pay the bills and afford me the lifestyle I am looking for. She asked about sending resumes to headhunters, and I said I did one, but I don't think they really take me seriously until I am out there, and she more or less agreed. At the end of the reading, she said something good will happen after the second interview I go on.
Elaborating on why the move will be so great, she said I will meet a wonderful man and we'll have a whirlwind romance (and you all know how much I've wanted a whirlwind romance!). Things will happen quickly and I'll have a small wedding...followed very soon by a baby. She said the love will last (ie, no divorce).
We also talked about money. She said I need to be really good and not use any of the money from the sale of the apartment on little things, to forget about it and keep it safe, I'll need it for a down payment on a house with my future husband. She kept stressing over and over again not to spend it...I know I have a bit of a shopping problem, but in the last few months, knowing I am moving, I've been trying to be really really good about not spending money, to save it because I need a car, money for the move, and to live for a bit if it takes a while to get a job plus pay all the regular monthly bills.
Finally she said in closing that for someone who has been through so much emotionally, the pain, heartache, loss, devastation, that while I may have struggled to handle it at the time, that I came through OK, have a good head. I understand what has happened all around and accept it. That it made me stronger and smarter. I know she wasn't just talking about ManFriend...but all the experiences over the last 10-15 years.
Wrapping up she said she was proud of me and the decisions I've made to get where I am now, that great things are coming my way and she wished me all the best and hopes I stop in again when I am visiting family.
The caffeine was something I am not used to, so it took a long time for me to fall asleep, I was still tossing and turning until at least 1:30 am. As I was laying in bed, facing one wall, my room lit up with a glow. My phone was glowing, it looked like what my phone should look like if I upgraded the operating system...the last time my room lit up was a few days after I found out about ManFriend and I took this as ManFriend reassuring me that everything the lady said was right, so we chatted a few minutes and then by 2:00 I was sleeping.
When I sat down, I told her my name and where I was living. After that she asked me who I was living with that is sick. I told her I am not living with anyone that is sick, but she is probably seeing ManFriend who lived in my apartment. She told me that the cancer was in a different place the second time, which is why they couldn't treat it, it moved so fast, she said it looked like pancreatic or colon cancer. She said he went peacefully, that he was ready to go and that he was with a younger person up in heaven and is very much at peace. She asked about my relationship with his family, which aside from talking to his mother and sending a card is non-existent. She did reassure me that he loved me very much and he wanted to avoid how hurt and sad I would be with his illness. He wanted me to remember him how he was (which I do understand). She asked other questions like what his profession was, where he moved in NJ...but I am not sure what she was trying to figure out because she didn't further those thoughts out loud.
She moved on to where I lived and with whom lived. I told her I was living with my parents temporarily. She asked if I had a seller for the apartment, which she knew I owned, and I said yes, that we hope to close very soon. She said my living with my parents is temporary and by the end of the summer I will have moved, which is precisely the current plan. She asked where I was moving and why I selected it. My responses were not too helpful....where am I going?? I told her to the Rocky Mountain region, location still to be decided. She asked if it was temporary or permanent, and I responded I'd like it to be permanent, but if I don't like it, I'll go somewhere else or move back. She told me the move is the best thing for me. That I will love it and my future that I've been waiting for will happen. She said not to bring all my stuff when I leave the first time (something I've been thinking about for weeks).
She asked me about my current job and what I do, then asked what I planned to do after I move. Again, I don't really have an answer. I told her I can stay in my field, maybe go more into event management, or really, whatever will pay the bills and afford me the lifestyle I am looking for. She asked about sending resumes to headhunters, and I said I did one, but I don't think they really take me seriously until I am out there, and she more or less agreed. At the end of the reading, she said something good will happen after the second interview I go on.
Elaborating on why the move will be so great, she said I will meet a wonderful man and we'll have a whirlwind romance (and you all know how much I've wanted a whirlwind romance!). Things will happen quickly and I'll have a small wedding...followed very soon by a baby. She said the love will last (ie, no divorce).
We also talked about money. She said I need to be really good and not use any of the money from the sale of the apartment on little things, to forget about it and keep it safe, I'll need it for a down payment on a house with my future husband. She kept stressing over and over again not to spend it...I know I have a bit of a shopping problem, but in the last few months, knowing I am moving, I've been trying to be really really good about not spending money, to save it because I need a car, money for the move, and to live for a bit if it takes a while to get a job plus pay all the regular monthly bills.
Finally she said in closing that for someone who has been through so much emotionally, the pain, heartache, loss, devastation, that while I may have struggled to handle it at the time, that I came through OK, have a good head. I understand what has happened all around and accept it. That it made me stronger and smarter. I know she wasn't just talking about ManFriend...but all the experiences over the last 10-15 years.
Wrapping up she said she was proud of me and the decisions I've made to get where I am now, that great things are coming my way and she wished me all the best and hopes I stop in again when I am visiting family.
The caffeine was something I am not used to, so it took a long time for me to fall asleep, I was still tossing and turning until at least 1:30 am. As I was laying in bed, facing one wall, my room lit up with a glow. My phone was glowing, it looked like what my phone should look like if I upgraded the operating system...the last time my room lit up was a few days after I found out about ManFriend and I took this as ManFriend reassuring me that everything the lady said was right, so we chatted a few minutes and then by 2:00 I was sleeping.
Saturday, July 26, 2014
the walkthrough
The apartment has been stressing me out. I've been out of it for about 3 weeks, waiting for a closing. But I can't let delays get to me, that is all out of my control and even though I have a work trip coming up...I know everything will work out. So I need to be better about not getting boggled down with it.
With a closing date/time not set, we had the walk-through. It was just me, the buyer and his real estate agent. I arrived at the apartment, and as soon as I opened the door, I remembered back to the first time I saw the place. The apartment was empty (well, mostly) and the light coming through the windows...it is a cute little place. The buyer arrived a few minutes later, so I walked him through so he knew I fixed the holes in the wall, that the fridge worked and how to use the ice maker. We turned on the stove and microwave, I showed him how to change the thermostat and the drawer full of all the papers from the manuals, remote controls and other things that belong with the apartment. I was selling him my couch so he checked it out gave me a check.
Everything went smoothly and in 10-15 minutes we were all done. We walked out together, so I didn't really have last thoughts upon exiting...but I was the furthest thing from sad or emotional.
With a closing date/time not set, we had the walk-through. It was just me, the buyer and his real estate agent. I arrived at the apartment, and as soon as I opened the door, I remembered back to the first time I saw the place. The apartment was empty (well, mostly) and the light coming through the windows...it is a cute little place. The buyer arrived a few minutes later, so I walked him through so he knew I fixed the holes in the wall, that the fridge worked and how to use the ice maker. We turned on the stove and microwave, I showed him how to change the thermostat and the drawer full of all the papers from the manuals, remote controls and other things that belong with the apartment. I was selling him my couch so he checked it out gave me a check.
Everything went smoothly and in 10-15 minutes we were all done. We walked out together, so I didn't really have last thoughts upon exiting...but I was the furthest thing from sad or emotional.
Thursday, July 24, 2014
a penny saved
Those little piggy banks don't really hold too many coins, but the idea of saving your pennies has been something I've heard since I was little. Over the years, I've been so broke where I couldn't save anywhere near as much as I wanted to. Of course things would just come up that you needed to break into your piggy bank/savings and then sometimes I was starting back from zero.
My most recent savings has been about 8 years in the making. I have a 5 gallon water jug that I would put loose coins in, sometimes if I had a few dollars I'd roll them up and throw them in there too. Of course, coins are heavy, so I knew I wouldn't be moving this. It was time to cash it in.
The coins didn't fill the jug, not by a long shot. It was maybe 1/6th of the way full. Hard to say. I poured the coins into smaller containers that I could carry. It totaled $560 in coins and $35 in bills. Plus last year, I dumped out some coins into one container and that was about $180. $775 in about eight years in just 'extra' coins. Not bad at all considering I don't really use cash!
I am going to bring this large 5 gallon jug with me, and I will continue to throw lose coins in there. It would be great if I can continue to save about $100 a year in pennies, nickles, dimes and quarters! Although quarters are more rare because of needing them for parking or laundry or something. It is money I don't even think about.
My most recent savings has been about 8 years in the making. I have a 5 gallon water jug that I would put loose coins in, sometimes if I had a few dollars I'd roll them up and throw them in there too. Of course, coins are heavy, so I knew I wouldn't be moving this. It was time to cash it in.
The coins didn't fill the jug, not by a long shot. It was maybe 1/6th of the way full. Hard to say. I poured the coins into smaller containers that I could carry. It totaled $560 in coins and $35 in bills. Plus last year, I dumped out some coins into one container and that was about $180. $775 in about eight years in just 'extra' coins. Not bad at all considering I don't really use cash!I am going to bring this large 5 gallon jug with me, and I will continue to throw lose coins in there. It would be great if I can continue to save about $100 a year in pennies, nickles, dimes and quarters! Although quarters are more rare because of needing them for parking or laundry or something. It is money I don't even think about.
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
weeding pictures
At one point, people were important enough that I took their picture. Now, I can't tell you their last name. One of today's (May 25th) projects was to weed out my pictures. I spent about 90 minutes going through most of the photos from my first 25 years and deciding which to keep and which to throw away.
Back when we had film camera, I had prints that were blurry or bad pictures...ones today that I would never think of ordering, so it was easy to throw away those pictures. What became difficult was how many and of who/what to keep. Do I keep photos from elementary school when I don't talk to the girls in the photos with me? What about high school or college? I ended up keeping a handful of photos of people that were good friends at the time or ones that I genuinely looked happy or 'big' events like prom. I think I left a nice variety over a nice stretch of time. Essentially highlights of my teens.
Then it came to the two men I dated. I was surprised to find that I had more photos of them then I realized in albums and smiled that I did have something left of them. Since there were prints, not digital, I figured I had to keep a handful of each of them too. I am not sure why...but they were very important people to me in my 20s and again, I looked so happy in them. I was selective; keeping only about 10 or less of each.
Family pictures were tough. I love my family. Many photos were similar so I tried to keep a variety of age ranges and styles/looks over the years. As our family grew, the more pictures I'd have to keep, and I love looking at pictures of the nieces/nephews as little kids and seeing how different they look now.
When digital pictures became the norm, I'd take several pictures of the exact same thing, because I could. When I would scrapbook, I tried to be selective and chose some of the best pictures...but some times the trips or events would have so many photos and I wouldn't have enough room on the pages. Storing digital photos is easy of course, but I'd print a lot out to use for scrapbooking...sorting through those will be a project for another day.
Back when we had film camera, I had prints that were blurry or bad pictures...ones today that I would never think of ordering, so it was easy to throw away those pictures. What became difficult was how many and of who/what to keep. Do I keep photos from elementary school when I don't talk to the girls in the photos with me? What about high school or college? I ended up keeping a handful of photos of people that were good friends at the time or ones that I genuinely looked happy or 'big' events like prom. I think I left a nice variety over a nice stretch of time. Essentially highlights of my teens.
Then it came to the two men I dated. I was surprised to find that I had more photos of them then I realized in albums and smiled that I did have something left of them. Since there were prints, not digital, I figured I had to keep a handful of each of them too. I am not sure why...but they were very important people to me in my 20s and again, I looked so happy in them. I was selective; keeping only about 10 or less of each.
Family pictures were tough. I love my family. Many photos were similar so I tried to keep a variety of age ranges and styles/looks over the years. As our family grew, the more pictures I'd have to keep, and I love looking at pictures of the nieces/nephews as little kids and seeing how different they look now.
When digital pictures became the norm, I'd take several pictures of the exact same thing, because I could. When I would scrapbook, I tried to be selective and chose some of the best pictures...but some times the trips or events would have so many photos and I wouldn't have enough room on the pages. Storing digital photos is easy of course, but I'd print a lot out to use for scrapbooking...sorting through those will be a project for another day.
Monday, July 21, 2014
perhaps what I'll miss the most
It is nights like tonight's (May 25th) that I will miss the most after I move. I went to dinner at my sister's house and then the kids and I hung out/played. We played What Time is it Mr. Fox, Red Light Green Light 123, Kickball, Simon Says, Duck Duck Goose and then to finish the night we played Go to the Head of the Class. Since I have no children, my nieces and nephews mean so much to me. I have tried to be involved in their lives by going to games, school shows, help with homework/projects, sleepovers, baking, crafts, answering questions, etc. I hope they remember that I was a fun aunt at times. I am going to miss stopping over for an impromptu meal or game and just hanging out with them. They are a great bunch of kids.
Sunday, July 20, 2014
coming to terms
Just days ago, my mother asked if I really wanted to move. Fast forward to temporary moving day and she has been completely on board. She is suggesting items to pack, items to sell, and ways to start organizing. It is like a total transformation. I think the trip we took really helped her accept that I am doing this. Mission accomplished.
Thursday, July 17, 2014
the sorting begins
Next up was clothes. I went through about 75% of my clothing and sorted through items I would sell or donate and have more than two heaping Ikea bags (with more to come). Then I took winter clothing and put them into those vacuum bags - to be sealed another time. I still have way too many clothes, but the rest I'll try on and then donate or keep as needed.
Next was kitchen...I have way too many kitchen items. Plates, servers, utensils, gadgets, you name it, I probably have it...but then again, I love cooking and baking and use most of this stuff, so it is hard to part with any of it.The next few weeks will be more sorting. I have about 6 weeks left (minus 10 days business + pleasure trip). If I keep up this pace, I will be really happy!
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
isn't as traumatizing
This morning I spent a few hours packing the last of the items at the apartment and giving it a good scrubbing for the new owner. The last time I scrubbed the apartment this good was after ManFriend moved out last April/May. That time I was crying and cleaning. I missed him and knew that his moving would be the end of our relationship, even though we kept saying it wouldn't be.
This time, it hasn't been as sad. I have thought about him constantly as I am emptying the place that the one thing we had in common is almost no more. Everything about the apartment reminds me of ManFriend and it is bittersweet to have that end. It will be nice to give my brain a break and I know that he will stay with me in memories and I continue to thank him for watching over me - making the move happen. So this isn't as traumatizing; I am very happy with the decision and I am looking forward to the uncertainty ahead.
And when I closed the apartment door for the second to last time, I took a moment to think about how far I came in the last 6 years.
It wasn't until I picked up my mom at a restaurant that I got teary eyed, it was the place ManFriend and I went for drinks the night he told me he wanted our relationship to progress, and when we got back home he told me he loved me. Amazing that a restaurant brought more water to my eyes than vacating the apartment...then again, I had four months of watery eyes in the apartment. At least now when I get emotional and shed a few tears, it ends quickly and then I am OK again.
This time, it hasn't been as sad. I have thought about him constantly as I am emptying the place that the one thing we had in common is almost no more. Everything about the apartment reminds me of ManFriend and it is bittersweet to have that end. It will be nice to give my brain a break and I know that he will stay with me in memories and I continue to thank him for watching over me - making the move happen. So this isn't as traumatizing; I am very happy with the decision and I am looking forward to the uncertainty ahead.
And when I closed the apartment door for the second to last time, I took a moment to think about how far I came in the last 6 years.
It wasn't until I picked up my mom at a restaurant that I got teary eyed, it was the place ManFriend and I went for drinks the night he told me he wanted our relationship to progress, and when we got back home he told me he loved me. Amazing that a restaurant brought more water to my eyes than vacating the apartment...then again, I had four months of watery eyes in the apartment. At least now when I get emotional and shed a few tears, it ends quickly and then I am OK again.
Sunday, July 13, 2014
sitting among chaos
So now I am sitting among chaos. I am normally a fairly neat person, but I fear for the next few weeks, I am going to live with things all over the place.
Friday, July 11, 2014
finishing up
Tonight I sit in my almost empty apartment. I probably won't close for another week, but moving the big furniture takes a little more effort and coordination with schedules, so I'll be vacating about 9 days prior to closing. After I finish moving everything out, it will be easier to clean for the buyer and they can do the walk through and it will be ready to go.
Surprisingly, I am handling it really well. I haven't shed a tear or seem sad in anyway. It must be a sign that I know this is a good thing for me. If anything, I am more sad that the apartment is the one thing I have that reminds me of ManFriend.
Surprisingly, I am handling it really well. I haven't shed a tear or seem sad in anyway. It must be a sign that I know this is a good thing for me. If anything, I am more sad that the apartment is the one thing I have that reminds me of ManFriend.
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
becoming reality
Little by little the apartment is looking emptier and emptier, but it wasn't until today (May 4th) when it really sunk it that I am moving out of this place I've called home for the last 6 years. It is both exciting and a little scary not knowing what the next few months will bring, but I suppose that is part of the appeal as well.
A complete new beginning. Something I've been talking about for so long is becoming a reality. And most importantly my family has adjusted to knowing I am leaving. They still aren't thrilled about my future absence, but they are all extremely supportive and hope I find the happiness I am looking for.
Monday, July 7, 2014
forgo a mortgage
Excellent news. I heard that the buyer is going to forgo the mortgage and provide cash. A cash deal is faster and easier, with less people to schedule at the closing. They want to close 'sooner rather than later'. Mind you, I've been asking for a 'sooner' closing as I have big plans. I need to close before June, before I go away for a work trip because I don't want to keep paying for something I am not living in.
Now, I'll have to begin moving out when I come back from my trip...it will be a very busy few days to get this done quickly...but if it means I can close memorial day weekend or right after I would be thrilled.
Now, I'll have to begin moving out when I come back from my trip...it will be a very busy few days to get this done quickly...but if it means I can close memorial day weekend or right after I would be thrilled.
Saturday, July 5, 2014
research with parents
I went to the state I am thinking about moving to so I could drive around the city and smaller towns to see if I'd like it there. More of a confirmation really that what I've been thinking about for months is really where I want to go.
My parents, while supportive, do not travel and I think my mother was envisioning me living in the mountains living off the land. I asked them if they would like to come with my for my 'research' and I was shocked they said yes.
My mother kept saying how much she loved it; for her it was 100% new. The idea of seeing mountains, some of the delicious breakfasts, the few activities we did...she was happy the whole time. But the last morning there at breakfast she asks if I've considered Vermont, Maine, Delaware...she still doesn't want me far away.
My father seemed to have a rougher time adjusting on the trip. Starting probably with the altitude. He is out of shape. He is stubborn. He has vertigo. All three of those things came into play the few days we were away. I couldn't tell if he was enjoying himself or liked the area; he was hard to read. Although he was impressed with two of the apartment complexes we looked at. He didn't try to talk me out of it...if anything I think he realized that I did like it and he is coming to terms with me leaving and he'll miss me, the daughter he probably spends the most time with.
My parents, while supportive, do not travel and I think my mother was envisioning me living in the mountains living off the land. I asked them if they would like to come with my for my 'research' and I was shocked they said yes.
My mother kept saying how much she loved it; for her it was 100% new. The idea of seeing mountains, some of the delicious breakfasts, the few activities we did...she was happy the whole time. But the last morning there at breakfast she asks if I've considered Vermont, Maine, Delaware...she still doesn't want me far away.
My father seemed to have a rougher time adjusting on the trip. Starting probably with the altitude. He is out of shape. He is stubborn. He has vertigo. All three of those things came into play the few days we were away. I couldn't tell if he was enjoying himself or liked the area; he was hard to read. Although he was impressed with two of the apartment complexes we looked at. He didn't try to talk me out of it...if anything I think he realized that I did like it and he is coming to terms with me leaving and he'll miss me, the daughter he probably spends the most time with.
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
take it or leave it
Moving states away can be expensive. Not knowing what my living situation will be, I have been deciding what to move and what not to. My goal will be to rent someplace first until I get a good idea about the location, I don't want to rush into anything just for the sake of having a place to live. So the first few months I'll be living quite minimally.
I have quite a bit of things, some boxes of which I haven't opened in 8-10 years. Do I really 'need' that stuff? Other items I spent a lot of time selecting and they are practical or homey, do I want to sell it for cheap or bring it along?
First I tackled selling some of my hobby supplies, and made $700 on ebay in a week (minus ~10% fees). Then I sold my couch to the buyer and joined a Facebook tag sale group where I hope to sell some items that I'd rather part with. My almost new living room furniture will be given to my sister and that leaves me with a few big items like my bed, and elliptical machine and kayaks. My bed was very expensive and I can't justify selling it for almost nothing. If I can't take it, I will encourage my parents to make a guest room. TV will go to my grandmother. The kayaks I can probably sell on Craigslist. And the list goes on and on and on.
Deciding what to do with all this stuff is time consuming. Even the 'everyday' items add up fast with how much space they take up (clothes, bathroom essentials, kitchen items). Then there is the opening of boxes you haven't seen in years and spending time sorting through, it is almost like Christmas morning when you get so excited that you forgot you had these things.
Trying to estimate how much I will end up moving rolls into the how to get there dilemma...just a car, car with a trailer, uhaul? All those choices then effect how long I can be on the road for the long journey...and I wanted to take it slow and experience areas I have not yet seen.
I have a eleven weeks to go...we'll see how successful I am at selling items and convincing other people to take stuff.
I have quite a bit of things, some boxes of which I haven't opened in 8-10 years. Do I really 'need' that stuff? Other items I spent a lot of time selecting and they are practical or homey, do I want to sell it for cheap or bring it along?
First I tackled selling some of my hobby supplies, and made $700 on ebay in a week (minus ~10% fees). Then I sold my couch to the buyer and joined a Facebook tag sale group where I hope to sell some items that I'd rather part with. My almost new living room furniture will be given to my sister and that leaves me with a few big items like my bed, and elliptical machine and kayaks. My bed was very expensive and I can't justify selling it for almost nothing. If I can't take it, I will encourage my parents to make a guest room. TV will go to my grandmother. The kayaks I can probably sell on Craigslist. And the list goes on and on and on.
Deciding what to do with all this stuff is time consuming. Even the 'everyday' items add up fast with how much space they take up (clothes, bathroom essentials, kitchen items). Then there is the opening of boxes you haven't seen in years and spending time sorting through, it is almost like Christmas morning when you get so excited that you forgot you had these things.
Trying to estimate how much I will end up moving rolls into the how to get there dilemma...just a car, car with a trailer, uhaul? All those choices then effect how long I can be on the road for the long journey...and I wanted to take it slow and experience areas I have not yet seen.
I have a eleven weeks to go...we'll see how successful I am at selling items and convincing other people to take stuff.
Monday, June 30, 2014
homesickness in waiting
I was sitting at the Easter lunch table reflecting on my family and how well we all get along. Then I realized that was the last holiday I would be spending with them for a while. While I will make an effort to come home for holidays, flights are usually at a premium and I may need to postpone my holiday visits, which means I'd' see my immediate family more than my extended family.
I've been very lucky that growing up I had a great relationship with my (extended) family, so that is one of the biggest downfalls of relocating for me, missing out of spending time with family.
Then I remembered the homesickness I felt when I went to college. I'd call to check in with the family and heard them all having a great time at a party or all the fun they'd be having. I hung up the phone more sad then when I called thinking about everything I was missing. When I was in college, my first nephew was born. Now I have lots of nieces and nephews who I've spent a lot of time with and one on the way, I like to think we have special bonds...and I'll be leaving them. I think they are going to go through Denise-withdrawal too because I've gone to science fairs, sports games, birthday dinners, played board games, watched movies, played at the park, had sleep overs and even started giving driving lessons. I hope that in a few years the kids will want to come visit, with their parents or alone. I can be the aunt they spend summers or winter break with.
Homesickness will be something I'll have to struggle with for a while, but in the end, like everything, I'll get used to it.
Friday, June 27, 2014
contract signing
I left work a little early to sign the papers for the closing. As it is early April, we are targeting an end of May closing. Considering this whole process started the first week of February, I am anxious to get this done.
I arrived at my attorney's office; this was the first time I met him. We went into the conference room and he took out the papers and pointed where to sign. He explained some of the terms and the requests from the buyers and what he was going to allow and what he is rejecting. It all sounded great and reasonable. I signed where I needed to without reading every word and hoped the two months would go by quickly.
I arrived at my attorney's office; this was the first time I met him. We went into the conference room and he took out the papers and pointed where to sign. He explained some of the terms and the requests from the buyers and what he was going to allow and what he is rejecting. It all sounded great and reasonable. I signed where I needed to without reading every word and hoped the two months would go by quickly.
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Oh, I have a dog
My apartment listing was clear that all pets required approval by the Board. After I accepted the buyer's offer and stopped showing the apartment but before they signed the contract, I was told they had a dog. The rules of the building are vague when it comes to dogs, so I reached out to the Board to tell them the offer I got was for a guy with a dog...would they consider it? I go back to my broker to ask about the dog, the size, the breed, the weight. A few days later I get a response and I go back to the Board. They all OK it.
That night, I was at bookclub and my friend's husband is on the Board. The gals were asking about the progress and I told them I could move forward with this because the Board approved the dog that afternoon! One lady asked what kind of dog it was, so I responded it was a doberman-rottweiler mix. The wife of the Board member flipped out saying there was no way the dog was under 40 pounds, there is no way I can sell to these folks. The next morning, the Board rescinded their approval.
Unsatisfied with that because I want to sell the place, I ask my broker if the buyers can send a picture and something from the vet stating its size. A few days later I get this information and send to the Board asking them to but their assumptions to the side, and to review what I sent, and I am the one that suggested a 'dog interview' since the buyer insisted the dog didn't bark and was very well behaved. The Board must have deliberated this for 2-3 weeks. There was so much back and forth between them (and I president of the Board for 3 years not that long ago!) and between me.
I thought I brought up good points. As a non-dog person, dogs in the apartment bother me. The little dogs bark quite a bit, but yet, they are under the 25 pound rule. When I asked about this 25 pounds, where it says there is a weight limit...no one could find it, it was just something they felt appropriate for the size of the apartments. Understandable, but clearly not a deal breaker. So then I ask about the barkiness of the dog. Here we have a big dog that doesn't bark...are they really not going to allow that in favor of another small one that will? And what about the few people that claimed they didn't know about the dog rule and got a dog without permission, the Board allowed them to keep it! And here we have someone following the rules, what happens if he didn't, would he have been allowed to keep it if no one complained? And lastly they were concerned about the breed. A stereotype indeed. Not all dogs of a certain breed behaved the same way. Meet the dog, you'll get a good idea of its personality. Like I said, I had these conversations over and over again for weeks.
Finally, it was decided one Board member would meet the dog. A day/time was set. I happened to follow up and was told the day/time was for that evening...hmm, did they call the buyer? They don't have the information. Woops, the Board forgot to check his schedule! So we had to reschedule for the following week.
It was a March Madness game night. I told the buyer to come 10 minutes early or so, so the dog could get familiar with the apartment prior to the interview. Last thing I wanted was for it to bark or jump because of the new surroundings. The buyer and his real estate agent arrived 30 minutes early. Now, I am not a small talk person. But here we all are in my apartment and I tried hard to make them feel comfortable. The dog was unbelievably well behaved. Not one peep or jump or anything. It made me consider for a moment that having a dog like that would be a great thing.
Eventually the Board member showed up. He was the most resistant to allowing the dog but yet, he also had a non-barking bigger dog so I was not sure why he was so against this. He was in the apartment for all of 5 minutes. Met the dog asked a few question to the owner. Then left.
The buyer and the agent must have felt comfortable enough because they said another 15 minutes.
A hurdle was overcome. A three to four week delay...but now things could start to move along. Now we can sign the contract.
That night, I was at bookclub and my friend's husband is on the Board. The gals were asking about the progress and I told them I could move forward with this because the Board approved the dog that afternoon! One lady asked what kind of dog it was, so I responded it was a doberman-rottweiler mix. The wife of the Board member flipped out saying there was no way the dog was under 40 pounds, there is no way I can sell to these folks. The next morning, the Board rescinded their approval.
Unsatisfied with that because I want to sell the place, I ask my broker if the buyers can send a picture and something from the vet stating its size. A few days later I get this information and send to the Board asking them to but their assumptions to the side, and to review what I sent, and I am the one that suggested a 'dog interview' since the buyer insisted the dog didn't bark and was very well behaved. The Board must have deliberated this for 2-3 weeks. There was so much back and forth between them (and I president of the Board for 3 years not that long ago!) and between me.
I thought I brought up good points. As a non-dog person, dogs in the apartment bother me. The little dogs bark quite a bit, but yet, they are under the 25 pound rule. When I asked about this 25 pounds, where it says there is a weight limit...no one could find it, it was just something they felt appropriate for the size of the apartments. Understandable, but clearly not a deal breaker. So then I ask about the barkiness of the dog. Here we have a big dog that doesn't bark...are they really not going to allow that in favor of another small one that will? And what about the few people that claimed they didn't know about the dog rule and got a dog without permission, the Board allowed them to keep it! And here we have someone following the rules, what happens if he didn't, would he have been allowed to keep it if no one complained? And lastly they were concerned about the breed. A stereotype indeed. Not all dogs of a certain breed behaved the same way. Meet the dog, you'll get a good idea of its personality. Like I said, I had these conversations over and over again for weeks.
Finally, it was decided one Board member would meet the dog. A day/time was set. I happened to follow up and was told the day/time was for that evening...hmm, did they call the buyer? They don't have the information. Woops, the Board forgot to check his schedule! So we had to reschedule for the following week.
It was a March Madness game night. I told the buyer to come 10 minutes early or so, so the dog could get familiar with the apartment prior to the interview. Last thing I wanted was for it to bark or jump because of the new surroundings. The buyer and his real estate agent arrived 30 minutes early. Now, I am not a small talk person. But here we all are in my apartment and I tried hard to make them feel comfortable. The dog was unbelievably well behaved. Not one peep or jump or anything. It made me consider for a moment that having a dog like that would be a great thing.
Eventually the Board member showed up. He was the most resistant to allowing the dog but yet, he also had a non-barking bigger dog so I was not sure why he was so against this. He was in the apartment for all of 5 minutes. Met the dog asked a few question to the owner. Then left.
The buyer and the agent must have felt comfortable enough because they said another 15 minutes.
A hurdle was overcome. A three to four week delay...but now things could start to move along. Now we can sign the contract.
Monday, June 23, 2014
inspection takeback
The buyers decided they wanted an inspection, and after all the back and forth between the two offers a whole week passed, I said yes of course. I doubted the inspection would turn up anything alarming and I wanted to be as accommodating as possible to make this transaction move along.
They had the inspection the following day, and sure enough nothing came up that would make them decide against purchasing so it was time to sign the contract.
They had the inspection the following day, and sure enough nothing came up that would make them decide against purchasing so it was time to sign the contract.
Saturday, June 21, 2014
the offer
I had a couple look at the apartment a few times, they were considering purchasing it as an investment by renting it out. But time kept passing and I never heard back. They were also purchasing an apartment in Manhattan and that took priority. A few months later they resurfaced and looked at the apartment an additional two or three times. I was so happy they were still interested and I figured an offer would come soon.
It did. But it was extremely low. My real estate agent even told them I wouldn't accept their first offer, they had to do better before she even contacted me. Bonus point for my agent. For about a week we negotiated, they were not going to come up to where I needed, so I started to crunch numbers to see if I could go as low as their maximum offer. I'd still walk away with some cash, but not as much as I would have liked...but then again, I'd save some of that money after closing which would help put a small dent in the difference.
But before the contract was signed, I had another showing and they did not leave any feedback. My agent called them to ask if they were interested because I had an offer. Turns off they were interested, they also submitted an offer at asking price.
Asking price would have been great! Their offer letter also stated no inspection would be necessary. Aside from the more money, what I liked about offer #2 was that the person was going to live in the building and not rent it. Since I lived there and was on the Board, I know the importance of not having too many renters. I accepted this second offer.
It did. But it was extremely low. My real estate agent even told them I wouldn't accept their first offer, they had to do better before she even contacted me. Bonus point for my agent. For about a week we negotiated, they were not going to come up to where I needed, so I started to crunch numbers to see if I could go as low as their maximum offer. I'd still walk away with some cash, but not as much as I would have liked...but then again, I'd save some of that money after closing which would help put a small dent in the difference.
But before the contract was signed, I had another showing and they did not leave any feedback. My agent called them to ask if they were interested because I had an offer. Turns off they were interested, they also submitted an offer at asking price.
Asking price would have been great! Their offer letter also stated no inspection would be necessary. Aside from the more money, what I liked about offer #2 was that the person was going to live in the building and not rent it. Since I lived there and was on the Board, I know the importance of not having too many renters. I accepted this second offer.
Thursday, June 19, 2014
selling the apartment
Eight years ago after I breakup, I considered moving far away, but I realized I was sad and needed my family more, so I moved near them and bought a condo. Three years ago, I was doing a lot better and again thought about moving far away. I applied to jobs in all locations, and decided to rent my apartment so if these far away places contacted me, I could leave quickly and accept the job. I ended up taking a job in NYC. When my tenant left, I listed it the apartment for sale but moved back in after a few months because it looked better with furniture.
Having a place on the market while living in it, as many of you know is a lot of work. Before I left for work everyday, I walked around the apartment to straighten it up and then in the evenings I would dust, clean, wash dishes, etc. The apartment was always immaculate just in case someone decided to stop by to look at it.
The apartment generated some traffic, but I didn't have any biters until February, and then I had two. There were pros and cons with each, and in the end I chose the buyer that offered more money but I spent hours for a few weeks working on getting his pet approved by the Board, delaying everything by 3-4 weeks. We signed the contract in April and hope to have a late May closing.
Selling this apartment means a lot to me, not only because it gives me the freedom to move wherever, but also because of what this apartment symbolized. The apartment was purchased in heartache and was good for me to live alone and be independent; heal from that sadness and emptiness. In the end the apartment is sold in heartache because it reminds me of ManFriend and all the time we spent here together. While the apartment was a constant in my life for six years, it is time for those memories to fade even more as both of those men are out of my life forever.
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
it melted my heart
I was sleeping/resting in a king size bed with my eight year old nephew. We had a really late night so when I heard him talk, I wasn't sure if he was talking in his sleep or was awake. He said "I love you Aunt Denise" and then fell right back to sleep. I told him I loved him too, and brushed the top of his hair. It was the sweetest thing. Moments like that, I am so grateful for the wonderful relationships I have with my nieces and nephews and that they appreciate it.
Friday, June 13, 2014
Portland
I had a work meeting in Portland, OR. I was looking forward to getting away for a few days, even if it did mean long days.
My first day there, after my meeting, I met up with Mountain Man and his friends for dinner. We went to Ringside Fish House, where I had an amazing meal. We had a few drinks, split oysters and I had the rockfish, and split the chocolate mousse. And then we were flirting. Since we got there much later than his friends...they all left and it was just him & I eating our entrees. We walk back to the hotel, and I made the executive decision to go to his room.
The next day I had off, and ventured to Voodoo Doughnuts. I am not a huge doughnut fan, but everyone was talking about them. Since Mountain Man was going to be hungover, I figured I'd get some doughnuts for when he woke up. But the problem was what kind to get??? I didn't just want to get a regular one, I wanted something weird, and there was plenty to chose from. I also don't know what kind of sweets Mountain Man likes, aside from that he doesn't like peanuts/peanut butter. I keep him waiting because, well, of course there is a line...not bad, only 40 minutes. Was it worth it? I don't really know. They were OK...if there was a sign like DisneyWorld that said "wait time from here 40 minutes" I probably would not have waited. But it all worked out...so I was late, but he was hung over and off to a slow start. We caught part of the Portland Rose Festival before picking up the rental car.
We headed out to Seaside and Cannon Beach, about a 90 minute drive. A beautiful ride through the forest to get there, we had a quick bite at The Crabby Oyster (clam chowder was lumpy and was worse tasting than campbell's, the shrimp on a skewer were OK, but not worth the $15 price tag, and even worse was the crab cake melt, which not only looked disgusting, but didn't taste that good either).
The coast was beautiful. We spent a few hours walking the seaside beach and then decided to visit Cannon Beach, we were hoping to find some rocks/pools of water, but it was just another beautiful beach.
We walked, we skipped sand dollars into the water, we sat in the sand. The water was too cold to go in for a swim, but of course we went in up to our knees. It was such a relaxing day, I felt a million miles away from all the stress.
Mountain Man had dinner plans that evening, mine were cancelled, so we ended our trip and headed back.
The following day we had a work function and afterwards we got drunk again and had an amazing night together. When it came to saying goodbye..I wanted more time with him, I felt like were just getting into a much better grove than previous times, and I wanted it to continue a few more days. The goodbye was simple, just a quick kiss, no I hope to see you soon, no I'll miss you, no I look forward to next time. Just...have a safe trip home. Muah.
Then he left and I continued to work/sight see on my own.
I used the MAX light rail, saw the International Rose Test Garden, visited Powell's bookstore, walked around the town, had some other great meals out, toured the USS Bluebird and met up with my Friend who lives in Oregon for dinner.
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| Chocolate Mousse |
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| VooDoo Doughnuts |
We headed out to Seaside and Cannon Beach, about a 90 minute drive. A beautiful ride through the forest to get there, we had a quick bite at The Crabby Oyster (clam chowder was lumpy and was worse tasting than campbell's, the shrimp on a skewer were OK, but not worth the $15 price tag, and even worse was the crab cake melt, which not only looked disgusting, but didn't taste that good either).
The coast was beautiful. We spent a few hours walking the seaside beach and then decided to visit Cannon Beach, we were hoping to find some rocks/pools of water, but it was just another beautiful beach.
We walked, we skipped sand dollars into the water, we sat in the sand. The water was too cold to go in for a swim, but of course we went in up to our knees. It was such a relaxing day, I felt a million miles away from all the stress.
Mountain Man had dinner plans that evening, mine were cancelled, so we ended our trip and headed back. The following day we had a work function and afterwards we got drunk again and had an amazing night together. When it came to saying goodbye..I wanted more time with him, I felt like were just getting into a much better grove than previous times, and I wanted it to continue a few more days. The goodbye was simple, just a quick kiss, no I hope to see you soon, no I'll miss you, no I look forward to next time. Just...have a safe trip home. Muah.
Then he left and I continued to work/sight see on my own.
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
stress
Some people, while stressed, lose weight. I am not sure if it is lack of eating, a higher metabolism or something else. Unfortunately, I am not one of those people.
When I am stressed I gain weight. Sometimes I'll indulge in cookies or ice cream, a few pieces of chocolate or maybe even something fried a few times a month. As an indulgence, it shouldn't be enough to make me gain 5-10 pounds, it isn't like that is all I am eating.
I was doing really well last year, I was finally happy with my body. And it lasted for months. Then came the certification examination - I was extremely stressed and nervous for a month before hand, then waiting the 6-8 weeks for the results. Since that was in December, my indulgence were some cookies. I wouldn't say I ate a ton of them either! And my breakfasts and lunches have been the same thing I've been eating for the last 4 years. My dinner are very similar as well, very basic, a protein, sometimes a side vegetable, sometimes not.
So that was November and December worried about the exam. January and February was the loss of ManFriend and the realization that Mountain Man was a dead end. March - June has been extremely stressful regarding the apartment.
It is so frustrating. Every time I make it to a place I am happy with my weight, some major stressor comes up and I have to start all over again. I'd love to be in a frame of mind with little to no stress where my body weight will be more constant.
Or maybe my weight issue isn't stress, it can very well be endocrinologic....but I haven't found a good endocrinologist yet and that would require me to go off birth control (so the doctor said). It is definitely something to consider.
The good news is all this stress hasn't increased the white hair significantly....I still have them but it hasn't triplicated. And my hair hasn't started thinning more...although that usually happens after the stress is over for me.
When I am stressed I gain weight. Sometimes I'll indulge in cookies or ice cream, a few pieces of chocolate or maybe even something fried a few times a month. As an indulgence, it shouldn't be enough to make me gain 5-10 pounds, it isn't like that is all I am eating.
I was doing really well last year, I was finally happy with my body. And it lasted for months. Then came the certification examination - I was extremely stressed and nervous for a month before hand, then waiting the 6-8 weeks for the results. Since that was in December, my indulgence were some cookies. I wouldn't say I ate a ton of them either! And my breakfasts and lunches have been the same thing I've been eating for the last 4 years. My dinner are very similar as well, very basic, a protein, sometimes a side vegetable, sometimes not.
So that was November and December worried about the exam. January and February was the loss of ManFriend and the realization that Mountain Man was a dead end. March - June has been extremely stressful regarding the apartment.
It is so frustrating. Every time I make it to a place I am happy with my weight, some major stressor comes up and I have to start all over again. I'd love to be in a frame of mind with little to no stress where my body weight will be more constant.
Or maybe my weight issue isn't stress, it can very well be endocrinologic....but I haven't found a good endocrinologist yet and that would require me to go off birth control (so the doctor said). It is definitely something to consider.
The good news is all this stress hasn't increased the white hair significantly....I still have them but it hasn't triplicated. And my hair hasn't started thinning more...although that usually happens after the stress is over for me.
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Book Thoughts: The Cost of Hope: A Memoir
One of my goals this year was to read 10 nonfiction books. I haven't really cared what topics the books were, but hoped for some variation in my reading. Choosing the books has been relatively simple. I'd log into the library website, clicked nonfiction and sorted by what is available right now electronically. I came across Amanda Bennett - The Cost of Hope: A Memoir and began reading.
This book was probably the wrong choice for me, but why I selected it among others that were available is because I was curious about the cost of hope with her husband's cancer. The story is told from when they met through a little after his death.
I shed less tears than I thought I would, with cancer being a topic I've thought a lot about over the last four months. Reading about the treatments, the doctors, the cost, the downward fall, the remission, adjusting to new routines, clinical trials, insurance, working, the family, hospice...I couldn't not help but wonder about ManFriend and my aunt especially, but even a past co-worker and my godfather.
I didn't love the style of writing. She would tell a story then do flashbacks or fastforwards and at times it was confusing (which is surprising because normally I love that style) because it happened so frequently. But the overall story was a quick read and I 'enjoyed' (for lack of a better word as I type this) reading about cancer from someone who had way more at stake. It helped me understand what my aunt and uncle are currently going through, and I thought a lot about the past people I've known that had cancer and what their families went through, especially years ago when I didn't quite understand as much.
The one part of the book I was not thrilled about was in the afterward. After the story, we tend to be curious, we want to know where the people are now. I would have been happy with knowing what the total cost of care was, more facts about insurance, treatments, the 'interviews' after the fact, realizations that you didn't think of in the moment but realized in hindsight. She touched a little on that, but also included that she is happy and has moved on, I felt like that should have been left out. 240 pages were about the husband and how they had a rocky relationship to start that turned into respect, devotion and passion for over 20 years. I am all for moving on, healing, having someone by your side, but I just spent 240 pages reading about how much you loved this guy and what you did to try to save him. Seemed a little out of place.
This book was probably the wrong choice for me, but why I selected it among others that were available is because I was curious about the cost of hope with her husband's cancer. The story is told from when they met through a little after his death.
I shed less tears than I thought I would, with cancer being a topic I've thought a lot about over the last four months. Reading about the treatments, the doctors, the cost, the downward fall, the remission, adjusting to new routines, clinical trials, insurance, working, the family, hospice...I couldn't not help but wonder about ManFriend and my aunt especially, but even a past co-worker and my godfather.
I didn't love the style of writing. She would tell a story then do flashbacks or fastforwards and at times it was confusing (which is surprising because normally I love that style) because it happened so frequently. But the overall story was a quick read and I 'enjoyed' (for lack of a better word as I type this) reading about cancer from someone who had way more at stake. It helped me understand what my aunt and uncle are currently going through, and I thought a lot about the past people I've known that had cancer and what their families went through, especially years ago when I didn't quite understand as much.
The one part of the book I was not thrilled about was in the afterward. After the story, we tend to be curious, we want to know where the people are now. I would have been happy with knowing what the total cost of care was, more facts about insurance, treatments, the 'interviews' after the fact, realizations that you didn't think of in the moment but realized in hindsight. She touched a little on that, but also included that she is happy and has moved on, I felt like that should have been left out. 240 pages were about the husband and how they had a rocky relationship to start that turned into respect, devotion and passion for over 20 years. I am all for moving on, healing, having someone by your side, but I just spent 240 pages reading about how much you loved this guy and what you did to try to save him. Seemed a little out of place.
Thursday, May 8, 2014
high in protein
I ate bugs today. Yes, that is right, more than one.
I may have shared in past posts, my huge fear of bugs. Eating bugs is not ideal for someone who is 'scared' of bugs. I don't even eat the tentacles of calamari because it looks like a spider.
I know we eat a few spiders a year and maybe inhale gnats while running outside...but somehow this seems different, even though I didn't do it intentionally.
But the fault is my own. I didn't wash my blackberries I only rinsed them quickly under water. Is there a difference between rinsing and washing fruit? Would rinsing longer make a difference anyway? I put a handful in a container for work. I popped open the container, and popped a blackberry into my mouth as I worked. Then I ate another. For some reason, I looked down and I noticed that something was moving. It was tiny, probably smaller or the same size as the little 'hair' that sticks out of the blackberry. I saw it move. Then I saw another. And another.
I only had 4 left. I had about 6...and the last two days I ate a pint (granted today's was from a different pint container). I can't imagine how many little bugs I ate, it was kinda infested.
So, I drank about 30 ounces of water really fast....you know, in case my teeth didn't crush the bugs when I was chewing and in case my stomach acid didn't kill them, I was trying to drown them.
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
hard time letting go
Just the other night I stopped to pick up a friend, and her family were all gathered in the living room for the last moments of my friend's mother's life. I was able to see her tiny body, shrunken face and those sad and confused eyes.
Immediately I thought about ManFriend, wondering if he was in that bad shape before he passed away, not looking anything like himself. His mother said they kept him at home as long as they could. He stopped eating solid food for a few weeks before and couldn't talk for the last week, which means that when we texted, it was among the last day or two he was corresponding with any of his friends.
While I've thought about ManFriend everyday and my eyes still fill with tears when I think about something, seeing my friend's mother brought back such strong emotions that I wasn't expecting. It is normal to be sad over a friend's death, especially when it was unexpected (to me) but our relationship was over.
As hurt as I have been that I had no idea what was going on, I am also selfishly grateful he didn't tell me because watching him suffer like that would have been even more heartwrenchingly painful. He knew how I felt about him and that I would have been there if I knew, but yet he is the one who chose to withhold that information and I have to accept it.
I know I have a hard time letting things go. I see this both as a negative that it consumes me but also a positive that those that I care about get all of me and that I care that much about someone that I miss them or that I am hurt when they disappoint me. I am fortunate enough that I've been lucky enough to have those people in my life to give me that overwhelming feeling of love. I've been blessed to experience that.
Immediately I thought about ManFriend, wondering if he was in that bad shape before he passed away, not looking anything like himself. His mother said they kept him at home as long as they could. He stopped eating solid food for a few weeks before and couldn't talk for the last week, which means that when we texted, it was among the last day or two he was corresponding with any of his friends.
While I've thought about ManFriend everyday and my eyes still fill with tears when I think about something, seeing my friend's mother brought back such strong emotions that I wasn't expecting. It is normal to be sad over a friend's death, especially when it was unexpected (to me) but our relationship was over.
As hurt as I have been that I had no idea what was going on, I am also selfishly grateful he didn't tell me because watching him suffer like that would have been even more heartwrenchingly painful. He knew how I felt about him and that I would have been there if I knew, but yet he is the one who chose to withhold that information and I have to accept it.
I know I have a hard time letting things go. I see this both as a negative that it consumes me but also a positive that those that I care about get all of me and that I care that much about someone that I miss them or that I am hurt when they disappoint me. I am fortunate enough that I've been lucky enough to have those people in my life to give me that overwhelming feeling of love. I've been blessed to experience that.
Sunday, May 4, 2014
sorting candies
Purchasing single color m&m's can be expensive. Instead, I purchased a large bag from Costco and sorted the colors.
The problem with this method is that my fingers touched each one. I washed my hands well before doing this...but it made me realize I should probably eat less of anything that is unwrapped.
Thinking that the bag would have close to equal proportions, I was a bit surprised that after I sorted there was a big difference.
After sorting, I decided to weigh the candies. I put all the candies in a plastic bag, which I weighed, then I subtracted the bag weight from the total weight.
Yellow: 218 grams
Green: 351 grams
Blue: 372 grams
Brown: 230 grams
Orange: 335 grams
Red: 68 grams
I probably ate 8 candies or so while I was sorting, before I thought about weighing the candies.
I used the blue; wanted to use red too, but there weren't enough and I wasn't going to buy another bag. The rest of the candies will be eaten or used in cookies or other baked goods.
Lesson learned, if you want guaranteed colors, buy smaller bags during certain times of year (Valentine's Day = red, pink, white; Easter = pastels) or buy bulk colors directly from m&m's website.
The problem with this method is that my fingers touched each one. I washed my hands well before doing this...but it made me realize I should probably eat less of anything that is unwrapped.
Thinking that the bag would have close to equal proportions, I was a bit surprised that after I sorted there was a big difference.
After sorting, I decided to weigh the candies. I put all the candies in a plastic bag, which I weighed, then I subtracted the bag weight from the total weight.
Yellow: 218 grams
Green: 351 grams
Blue: 372 grams
Brown: 230 grams
Orange: 335 grams
Red: 68 grams
I probably ate 8 candies or so while I was sorting, before I thought about weighing the candies.
I used the blue; wanted to use red too, but there weren't enough and I wasn't going to buy another bag. The rest of the candies will be eaten or used in cookies or other baked goods.
Lesson learned, if you want guaranteed colors, buy smaller bags during certain times of year (Valentine's Day = red, pink, white; Easter = pastels) or buy bulk colors directly from m&m's website.
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
reread and edit
I was writing a work letter and after I was through, I reread it and edited it. Then, I read it again and tweaked it a little more. A lot of time and thought went into that document, and that routine happens over and over again which is why I am decent at what I do.
This blog started out as my diary. I was writing for me and I wrote what came to my head in that brief moment in time, usually when I was sad or was stressed. I didn't reread anything I wrote, and I didn't elaborate what I wrote because in my head, I knew more than I was writing; I knew the history and I knew the connections I was making - without writing them out.
Fast forward four years and I actually have people reading, who would have thought? But my writing didn't change, it was still small parts of thoughts in my head because I didn't need all the details, I already knew them. However, this has proved a problem because now there are major holes in my story and now that people are reading, I am failing them because I am not writing more detailed posts. I cannot assume readers not only remember everything I've said but also the things I haven't said. How preposterous.
After I realized that I spent so much time rereading and editing things for work but that I didn't do that when it came to my story, I knew I needed to make some changes. So beginning now, I am going to reread what I write and pretend I know zero about the topic of the moment and I am going to edit so I can be sure that the readers have a fuller, more accurate story. Editing can take time, but I have to remember that I don't need to post on the day something happens.
My story over the last few years has been very slow moving. I've bitched and complained and I have had periods of depression, but also during this time I've learned a lot about myself and in the last year I've been very content overall; there is a huge difference in the me now versus the me four years ago. But rarely do I write when things are going well because I am up and about and don't have a lot of free time. And that isn't fair either because it is not an accurate representation of all of me just the bad parts. But, a lot of work has gone on behind the scenes to achieve a place where I will be even happier, and over the next few months I will be ready to share.
This blog started out as my diary. I was writing for me and I wrote what came to my head in that brief moment in time, usually when I was sad or was stressed. I didn't reread anything I wrote, and I didn't elaborate what I wrote because in my head, I knew more than I was writing; I knew the history and I knew the connections I was making - without writing them out.
Fast forward four years and I actually have people reading, who would have thought? But my writing didn't change, it was still small parts of thoughts in my head because I didn't need all the details, I already knew them. However, this has proved a problem because now there are major holes in my story and now that people are reading, I am failing them because I am not writing more detailed posts. I cannot assume readers not only remember everything I've said but also the things I haven't said. How preposterous.
After I realized that I spent so much time rereading and editing things for work but that I didn't do that when it came to my story, I knew I needed to make some changes. So beginning now, I am going to reread what I write and pretend I know zero about the topic of the moment and I am going to edit so I can be sure that the readers have a fuller, more accurate story. Editing can take time, but I have to remember that I don't need to post on the day something happens.
My story over the last few years has been very slow moving. I've bitched and complained and I have had periods of depression, but also during this time I've learned a lot about myself and in the last year I've been very content overall; there is a huge difference in the me now versus the me four years ago. But rarely do I write when things are going well because I am up and about and don't have a lot of free time. And that isn't fair either because it is not an accurate representation of all of me just the bad parts. But, a lot of work has gone on behind the scenes to achieve a place where I will be even happier, and over the next few months I will be ready to share.
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