I was 'happy' when I found the following article, "The Most Compassionate Way to End a Relationship" because it solidified everything I've been thinking about for the last 8 years I've been single.
The article tells of "ghosting"/avoidance which is my biggest pet dating peeve. I learned it is because my personality allows for accomplishing a 'humane breakup". And with 'breakup' we can mean end of a friendship too.
I don't always need "closure". For example, I wasn't feeling it with Mr. Stiff last week either and I knew that dating him would be difficult. But I keep doing what every not-single person says: give them a try. Everyone has flaws. Your not perfect either. Give it more time. Are you being too picky? You aren't getting younger. etc.
So, maybe I am drawing it out too long. Most times my initial feeling are correct and keep "trying" and it doesn't turn out to be worth it. It is fine....that is what dating is all about, weeding people out, hoping to find someone that works.
I have no problem telling men that I don't want to see them anymore. And dammit, don't I deserve a little more respect than tossing me to the side like garbage even if we didn't hit it off? I mean, it is obvious when you text everyday when they either substantially cut back or stop. Of course warning lights go off. Day 2 passes....day 3 passes. Do people really think this is acceptable?
I told a few dates on the first date I wasn't interested. In January, February and just last week, I said it to the guys who ignored me for up to 3 days. I am not trying to be mean and I don't view it as that. I feel it is more of an acknowledgement that I am not expecting to hear from you again. You are off the hook. I agree, don't text or call me again, thank you.
(update) On the dating website, I was emailing this one guy just a little bit, maybe a week, and I get an email from him saying that he's enjoyed chatting with me and I seem intriguing, but that he has been on a few dates with a woman and although he isn't sure where it is going, he doesn't like to date more than one person at a time and that if it doesn't work out with her, he is hoping I wouldn't write him off. WOW. brownie points for this guy. I hate being ignored, but I wasn't expecting that after exchanging like 2 messages! Most people don't write back, and that is OK, no explanation needed....not until you meet and you've been out more than twice. I very much appreciated his message and wished him the best, and that I hope it works with her.
Frankly, I prefer when they don't write back. It's so disheartening to contact someone and then learn that they are already dating someone! In on instance, I had not paid my match.com membership fee and merely "winked" at the person. sure enough a few hrs later, match.com says I have a message but I must pay the fee to see it. so I do so and yay!- it's a man I contacted- only to receive that "im dating someone message" I was so pissed that I wrote a nasty letter back saying he should remove his profile or at least block messages and that I just blew $40.. In another instance, I found an old bf from HS on match and was so thrilled that he too was divorced, he wrote back askign me for my number- I thought I struck gold! We chatted and caught up for an hr and he informed me that he's in westchester 2x a week- I was elated! Then proceeded to tell me that yes he just started dating a woman in westchester. when I inquired as to why the match pro is up and active within 24 hrs, he said, oh I've been meaning to take it down!
ReplyDeleteOh, Hey Denise, It's Mindy- Yep Im still single!!!!