just another statistic

How many people get their identity stolen by thieves?  Well, add one more.

Although I think identity is a huge word....someone just used my account and credit card to make a $2,200+ purchase.

After I saw the email that came through about the purchase, I hoped online to make sure it was right...then I called the bank and disputed the charge.  Then I tried to call the vendor, but they were closed.  I didn't sleep well...all I kept thinking about is how did this happen? Who did this.  By the time I woke up in the morning, I convinced myself it was Stiff.

The following morning, I call the vendor. I  explain everything.  I tell them I disputed the charge with my credit card company already...and what else can I do because I don't want this person to have a great time on my dime, they refer me to the fraud department. I hang up.  Thirty minutes later I get a call from the fraud department asking me to call them. Basically I retell the whole story.  They put me on hold, and said that yes it wasn't me.  I ask if I can get the IP address of the computer, they wouldn't give it to me because of privacy issues...hello, was my privacy not violated by someone? anyway, I understand.  They told me they can provide this information to the police and they would appreciate it if I got them involved.  Time spent on the phone or holding so far....1.5 hours.

In the afternoon I go to my police station and ask to file a report.  I explain everything again.  He seems reluctant to want to help because it is probably out of state.  And I try saying over and over again...but we can know for sure once we get the IP address...please call.  So he tries calling and no one answers.  He starts the paperwork, I call, no one answers.  I was at the police station for 35 minutes.

I get home and I call the main customer service line, not the fraud department. I hold for 15 minutes and get disconnected.  I call back. I wait 12 minutes only to be transferred to another department....on hold another 8 minutes.  The fraud department is closed for the day....although no one seems to know what time they close.  5 PM Eastern time I ask? No, Central...then they should still be open....oh, it must be eastern.  Seriously?  I ask to confirm the number...and he makes me tell him the number.  I am hesitant.

I have spent a ton of time on this.  And for what?  No one to bother to investigate anyway?  That amount of money is a felony....sure, it isn't an 'exciting' crime...but it adds up.  And I think most people if it is being taken care of my a dispute/credit card fraud department that people don't pursue filing complaints because it is taken care of....but the person who committed it still can have/use all the things they've purchased.  Me, I asked to make sure the tickets they purchased were void so when they attempt to use them, they can't.  Talk about embarrassing.

The good thing is that I've wanted to change all my passwords for a while and I haven't so that is still a work in process...but I've made a nice dent so far.

acknowledgement of not hearing from you again

I was 'happy' when I found the following article, "The Most Compassionate Way to End a Relationship" because it solidified everything I've been thinking about for the last 8 years I've been single.

The article tells of "ghosting"/avoidance which is my biggest pet dating peeve.  I learned it is because my personality allows for accomplishing a 'humane breakup".  And with 'breakup' we can mean end of a friendship too.

I don't always need "closure".  For example, I wasn't feeling it with Mr. Stiff last week either and I knew that dating him would be difficult.  But I keep doing what every not-single person says:  give them a try. Everyone has flaws.  Your not perfect either. Give it more time.  Are you being too picky?  You aren't getting younger.  etc.

So, maybe I am drawing it out too long.  Most times my initial feeling are correct and keep "trying" and it doesn't turn out to be worth it.  It is fine....that is what dating is all about, weeding people out, hoping to find someone that works.

I have no problem telling men that I don't want to see them anymore.  And dammit, don't I deserve a little more respect than tossing me to the side like garbage even if we didn't hit it off?  I mean, it is obvious when you text everyday when they either substantially cut back or stop.  Of course warning lights go off.  Day 2 passes....day 3 passes.  Do people really think this is acceptable?

I told a few dates on the first date I wasn't interested.  In January, February and just last week, I said it to the guys who ignored me for up to 3 days.  I am not trying to be mean and I don't view it as that.  I feel it is more of an acknowledgement that I am not expecting to hear from you again.  You are off the hook.  I agree, don't text or call me again, thank you.

(update) On the dating website, I was emailing this one guy just a little bit, maybe a week, and I get an email from him saying that he's enjoyed chatting with me and I seem intriguing, but that he has been on a few dates with a woman and although he isn't sure where it is going, he doesn't like to date more than one person at a time and that if it doesn't work out with her, he is hoping I wouldn't write him off.   WOW.  brownie points for this guy.  I hate being ignored, but I wasn't expecting that after exchanging like 2 messages! Most people don't write back, and that is OK, no explanation needed....not until you meet and you've been out more than twice.  I very much appreciated his message and wished him the best, and that I hope it works with her.

good samaritan

I spent a Sunday afternoon a few weeks ago with a friend giving out supplies to the homeless.  We walked the streets with bags full of toothbrushes, soap, shampoo, chapstick, toilet paper, hand sanitizer, lotion, granola bars, water, tissues, etc.   I talked with many people about their situations, what other supplies they need and they were truly so grateful for us.  We've all run into really grumpy homeless people and it makes us reconsider our giving actions...but we can't let one person ruin that for all the others.  One young lady was a lawyer, she is still trying to get a job in that field.  You'd be shocked about how some of them got where they are.  It was heartbreaking.

Some of the hand sanitizers came individually wrapped.  As I was handing some to a few men, they did a double take....they got so excited they thought they were condoms!  The homeless people are getting a lot more action than me!

Supplies Denver's homeless requested that we didn't have....nail clippers, mirrors, blankets, medical supplies.

passion

My recent conversation with the guy about passion made me start to think.  Will I find passion again?I don't have a lot of relationship experience, 3 guys, sort of. And how long do you give it before you give up? With Cop#1, I had it from the beginning, with SI, it grew on me and with ManFriend it was instantaneous.  But both Cop#1 and ManFriend were really just physical, it never would have worked long term but it was hard to stop and lasted longer than it should have.  On the other hand SI, was more, I think.  There was the potential for long term, but maybe not enough passion on his end to make it last.  Where is that balance?  I've been willing to compromise on passion...and the last few people I attempted to date all lacked it but they all had other qualities I hoped would compensate for that area.  And while I've been willing to accept that, they are the ones that end it for whatever reason.  Even Mountain Man - we had this crazy traveling romance, but nothing more...but yet, I consider him my best friend and he is always there for me if I need someone.  And still that doesn't translate into passion.

I yearn for being desired and loved.

confirmation of not pursuing

I've said it over and over again.  If you've been out with someone more than 5 times and/or if you slept with them a few times...you shouldn't just let if "fade" by ignoring them.  We are old...what's wrong with honesty?

The guy I've been talking to for a month started to ignore me after I sent a text about kissing.  I didn't text him for 5 days, and he didn't text me either.  A passive-aggressive move I made after he didn't acknowledge my text was to update new photos of me on the dating website we met through.  A few days later he did the same.

I don't know why I got upset when he ignored me.  Was it the mixed signals?  Inviting me to watch a movie but yet only peck on the cheek?  I am not sure I liked him.  He was a challenge, and I love challenges.  He was like a clam.  Sealed shut. I had to work hard to get him to elaborate on responses.  He barely asked me any questions after date #1.  But, for some reason, I enjoyed his company.

I finally texted him "All week I expected to receive a text from you.  So, it didn't work out romantically, but if you need a friend..."(and a little something about work).  He responded he'd really like to be friends, and then we have a decent dialogue.  Towards the end I say "anyway, I am glad you want to be friends (I've never suggested friends to any guy I attempted to date) but without attraction/passion friendship isn't a problem"  and he responds "it's not you.  I haven't felt passion in a long time."

Yeah, he mentioned that the night I met his ex-girlfriend...and how they didn't have any passion for 2 1/2 years but stayed together.

See.   Open and honest communication.  It ended well.  I didn't need closure - but I felt like I needed to acknowledge the fact that he ignored me and confirm that I wasn't going to pursue him.

feeling smart

I wouldn't classify myself as being really behind in technology nor really excelled at it.  I am somewhere in the middle, probably lower half middle.  Many kids know more than I do but I know more than my parents.

My parents think I am this tech genius when all I do is read the error messages on their computer or phone and TRY to figure out how to help them.  Sometimes I have to call the parts/service for help.  Sometimes I can't do anything and refer them to my way more knowledgeable brother-in-law.

When I needed help with my phone, I didn't ask my parents or a peer...I texted my 10 year old nephew.  He helped me fix the problem within seconds.  He told me I was like his nana & poppop because I didn't know these 'simple' things.   Since when does inverting your colors on your phone a simple thing?  I did it by accident, somehow.

But most recently, there was a bad accident a block or two away from where I live and power went out.  When I got home that night, internet was down.   We did the usual unplug everything, restart, the most extreme basics.  Eventually we called our internet provider who said our modem wasn't online and arranged for a service call for $75 in 5 days.  That wasn't going to cut it.   The following day, I sat back down, unplugged everything.  All the wires. All the plugs.  I waited a few minutes and reassembled.  Shockingly the modem was now back in working order and the router seemed to be just fine....but it wasn't working.  Again we speak to the Internet Provider.  They run tests.  They can't figure out what went wrong.  Something, he said, didn't seem right.  A bigger problem.  So he ups our service call to the next morning.

I still was mystified, but I kept thinking....Hmm, modem works, router doesn't.  Start there.  So eventually I figured out that the router somehow reset and was no longer what I named it, but needed to be reprogrammed.  Quite simple task....but why did this take like 5 hours to figure out?

I felt like a genius.  I did it.  I solved our internet problems.  We saved $75 in service/technician fees.
I have no idea why it happened, a simple power outage should not have messed with that - but at least I know signs to look for in the future.

intimidating

I was chatting with this guy I've been on a handful of dates, and I brought it up that he has some serious issues (living with his ex-girlfriend of 2.5 years in the massive family house they purchased) that are probably deal breakers for any sane woman.  I think he was mystified by my critique.  We then shift gears about being hard to read and he tells me that I was very difficult to read on our first date.  Really?  Let's recap this.  We met for a drink.  After 90 minutes we order dinner.  We eat dinner slowly continuing conversation.  When that was done we walked the grounds for 30 minutes and ended with a walk to my car, an awkward hug and an exchange of phone numbers.  That sounds like a great date with a lot of potential to me!  Where is the sign of being hard to read?

 So I ask about this, and he said I was extremely intimidating because I was so relaxed.

Ha.

I've worked really hard to not be stressed or nervous on the first 1-2 dates.  I now view the first two dates as weeding out/in.  Are they somewhat attractive? Are they somewhat easy to talk to or interesting?  Did they reveal any deal breakers?  and if not...they get a second date.  I am starting to enjoy "practicing" talking to men about basic first date type stuff, an area I've really had a hard time with in the last few years.  I start to get nervous on date 3 or 4 because there is usually a kiss or I start looking at the person for the potential of possible husband material or conversation just fizzles/there is lack of any common interests/goals.  Rarely do I get past 5 dates , but it isn't because I am being picky....most times it is the guy who doesn't want to continue getting to know me or they aren't really ready for a 'real' relationship.

Anyway, I was surprised that the reason I seemed intimidating was because I wasn't too nervous....great feedback!   It is great when the honesty and openness starts so early in the dating process.