birthday love

I haven't been fond of my birthday for many years now.  I can't say why exactly, is it a fear of aging? Is it a fear of getting old but still alone? Is it because I never imagined I'd be here at this age...I thought I'd be happily married with kids, living in a house, working part time?  Of course it is probably a combination of all them plus more.

I had quite a bit of people approach me for wanting to take me out to breakfast, lunch or dinner...I must have had about 8 birthday meals in the last week and a half.  Some included Peruvian, lobster, omelette, pasta, a sandwich and cake & champagne.

With the social networking, I even had a bunch of people wish me a happy birthday.  Some people I haven't spoken to in years others I've talked to on a daily basis.  Many of whom I didn't wish a happy birthday when it was their turn.  Does that make me a bad person?

As the day ended, I realized I didn't cry this year. I was shocked, maybe I am making progress.  Maybe I am starting to accept that I am aging, that I am alone and that I don't have my own family.  Or maybe I was just too busy to think about it.

The one thing that was missing on my birthday was receiving birthday wishes from the men in my life.  I knew I wouldn't hear from ManFriend...even though I left him a message on his birthday back in June, but that was a few days before the real end.  I don't think he even had any idea when my birthday was either.  I didn't hear from Cop#1...and I still talk to him.  A few days later when prompted, he realized it and vowed to make it up to me.  But even more upsetting was I was hoping Mountain Man would have remembered since it came up when we were looking at each other's licences just the week before.  He didn't remember, but then again there was alcohol involved and I may have been a really long one night stand.  The only one that I heard from was Doofy, I was touched.