I can't tell you want a stressful evening I had.
It started off well. I was looking forward to watching some (aka, a lot) of basketball and seeing ManFriend later. But I kind of flipped out when I found out that his plans were cancelled for the day, and he was home, after I told him on Friday that I wanted to spend a weekend day with him. I don't understand. I really just don't get it. And I also found out this evening he put down a deposit for an apartment in NJ...so he will be about an hour away from me, something I knew was coming, and something that has been on the back of my mind for 3-4 months...was he just using me until he moved? or where his feelings real? I shouldn't have to ask that, and if I do, I know that means it isn't right...so don't holler that at me.
I don't think I was hurtful in my messages, neither was he, but he has a way to twist things around and make ME feel guilty. SI did that all the time too...is that a man quality? I don't understand. I've been above and beyond the call of friend/girlfriend/lover. And I am fully aware if that he doesn't get it or want more, I don't make him happy enough. Stupid me keeps trying, getting nothing in return except frustration - and yet, when the conversation ends, I feel guilty. I feel sad. I loose sleep.
So what started out as what I thought was going to be a nice night, maybe a stayover turned into a "I am not happy, I can't do this anymore, I am not happy in this 'relationship'" conversation. My belly started to turn, I felt it, I wasn't expecting it. I was with my family so no tears were involved, but my belly turned. We texted a bit more and I really don't know where we stand.
Based on previous situations, we'll not talk for a week, then I'll suck it up and go over there. We'll kiss....and then I am back where I started.
And on top of that...did you watch the Marquette-Butler game? Oh My Goodness. A great, edge of your seat game. I am starting to get too old to have watchers anxiety.
Oh, you'll like this. So yesterday I tell 1/2 the family about ManFriend based on the group brackets we have. Today, the other 1/2 of my family didn't notice ManFriend's name. And when my brother-in-law did, he assumed it was someone else's boyfriend because statistically the odds of me meeting/dating someone are slim. Even some of my family lost faith I can find someone.
Never having met the guy, he seems to be stringing you along. He gets what he wants, sex and someone to "hang out" with. But doesn't have to get too close, too emotional, or too invested.
ReplyDeleteKnowing what I know about you Denise, you should move on, and find someone better. Don't you EVER think that you should settle for someone like this. You are amazing and deserve someone who WANTS to spend every weekend with you, someone who WANTS to have relationship conversations. Someone who DISCUSSES moving to fucking New Jersey with you.
And your family hasn't lost hope. I'm betting they know you will tell them when you're ready. And the fact you haven't SAID ANYTHING to them, they were just waiting for you.
Hugs my friend. Lots of hugs! :)
I think you can do better. Just a hunch.
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