My Mom was telling me that she knows someone whose son just started dating this woman who was with her ex-man for about 5 years to find out that he had a double life; apparently she had no clue. She sort of tried dating a little bit for a few years, but was too scared to become involved with anyone. But my Mom's friend & the lady's mother set the two up...to meet as friends if anything, and now a few months later have begun dating.
I was glad my mother told me this, because I have felt like people were shocked when they heard what happened to me and I had no clue, not for a long time. Sure, I became suspicious, but I was in denial that the man I loved & saw myself growing old with could cheat on me...let alone what he actually did - which was even crazier than anything I could have imagined.
Of course I asked my Mom if she knew the woman's name...imagine if it was HER? SI's other? But she didn't know - but I doubt it was her.
I don't think SI realized that what he did was not only devastating, but paralysing to me. 4 1/2 years I was paralyzed by the shock of what happened, the waiting for him for so long because he asked me to, starting to date again when I wasn't ready, trusting anyone...all of it. While I've been paralyzed by his actions, I know that he was doing fine for a while, continuing dating his mistress, going on vacations with people, concerts, etc. And me...well, you know I was severely depressed and didn't really know what happened with my relationship. I shut people out. My personality changed & I became more serious. It was torture. What he did to me was unthinkable...yet he had no problems with it - because he benefited from others misfortunes. I wish that people understood how their actions affect other people, but unfortunately humans are selfish and don't generally think about others. It is sad.
But the joke will be on SI in 2012. I will be happy and I will finally find love (this has ZERO do to with the post from yesterday...I actually wrote this BEFORE I even became aware of that). I am convinced of this. I am so scared, I won't lie. I hope my insecurity is fading, but I don't know how to date. I remember how to be in a serious relationship but the whole dating is going to be really hard to adjust to. I don't want to seem overeager or over interested, but I think I'll just be so happy to find someone I like, I won't know how to stop myself. And the regular sex I hope to have once I overcome my fear of doing it the first 3 times. Scary stuff, isn't it horrible how ONE person can make you feel like this in your own future? Well, you'll just have to keep reading to see how I handle it. And of course wish me luck because I deserve it.
Good luck Denise!! I KNOW there is a perfect man for you out there. It does take time (good Lord, does it!).
ReplyDeleteI remember being really f'ed up for a long long time after a few guys in a row dumped me, devestated me, and having no clue what it had really done to me. For a long time I unconsciously became the person I thought the guys I was dating wanted me to be, only to be shocked when my true self started coming out and then the next guy dumped me. Vicious cycle.
Luckily the older you get, the less bullshit you put up with. Life's too short to be with someone who doesn't make you happy, right? I'd rather be alone than unhappy. Remember that, and repeat it. It sucks being alone, but being "with" someone and being miserable (or untrue to your self) is much, much worse.
My friend just was dumped by her boyfriend, only to find out that she was more RELIEVED than sad. And then of course she felt guilty about THAT emotion. I told her, her heart knew all along what was right for her. Anyway, long reply later, chin up, focus on you, and finding what makes you happy without a man, and then suddenly, that man will show up! Trust me :)