The new non-guy has been avoiding me, clearly he isn't interested anymore. He responds hours later and never with anything of substance. I could just walk away, that would be the easiest thing to do. But no, I am not in junior high. Adults are supposed to communicate and be honest. So whether he likes it or not, I am making it 'official'.
Here is the text I sent:
well...it seems this didn't work out. I was both a little disappointed and surprised. I thought our three dates went well; I had a moment of uncertainty, doubting myself, but I was hopeful and excited...butterflies included. But something changed for you; I don't need to know what. Contrary to my actions with you, I don't sleep around, and I was a bit nervous. I went for it because I wanted to get to know you better, was extremely turned on from all the kissing :) and thought it might be the start of something. I saw potential. Obviously I read that wrong :( You should have just said something if you weren't interested instead of ignoring me so I didn't seem like a fool continuing to ask to see you. But, I am glad and thankful that I met you; lessons learned. You were the first guy I met out here and it reinforced my readiness and desire to find a relationship, and for that, I thank you :). Second, again, not knowing many people, the little we talked and your wishing me well on the job thing meant a lot. It helped my good mood and confidence during the interviews. And I am happy to report that I was selected as their first choice and the job is mine if I want it. So thank you for listening and rooting me on those three weeks :) I really do wish you the best. You have a lot of really great qualities that most women would find desirable, and I am sorry it wasn't me that you found worth dating. I wish you luck and success but more importantly, happiness. I enjoyed our brief time...and on the off chance you change your mind, you know how to find me.
Guy responded that his intention was not that I looked like a fool. He thought I was great. And then asked me a few benign questions.
Well, what the hell does that mean? He didn't say it was over, he didn't say he still wanted to chat. I just responded to his question and that was it. I didn't care anymore if anything would or would not happen. I am over it and I am not obsessed with constantly checking my phone or hoping I'd hear from him. I am going to get back online and start talking to new people. It was a good experience though and I am thankful that I had that opportunity.
Friday, January 30, 2015
Thursday, January 29, 2015
the almost offical offer
The same day my references were called, I receive an email from who I would be reporting to. He repeats that I was the top candidate for all five interviewees and that they are delighted I am interested in the position. He informs me that from what he heard so far, I had stellar references and with that he wanted to talk about the next steps. He tells me that they are a small group and don't have heavy pockets but wants to go over some ideas before we meet to discuss the contract. I informed him I had just booked a last minute trip and hoped we'd be able to have the meeting the following week, he seemed OK with that because it gave him more time to prepare an offer.
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
a much needed weekend away
Knowing that I will be starting to work again very soon...provided we come up with a salary/benefits package that meets my needs, I knew I wanted to go away for a few days. Enjoy myself and release some of this stress. Stress not just from job searching for six months, but also the whole anticipation of will they pick me...and the man thing. Sure, I've been not working for six months, but it hasn't always been enjoyable worrying about my savings running out, where I'd live, where I'd work. It has been really trying and hard but something I knew would be worth it.
Denver had a little cold snap with a very cloudy sky...oh how I wanted sun again! So I started to think of places I can go for a quick few days. I've really wanted to go towards the Durango area, Utah, or northern Arizona...but I was hesitant to want to drive all that way in the winter. Never know what the weather in the mountain areas are going to be like.
Then I was chatting with my parents. I forgot they were headed to Florida to see family friends. And so, I invite myself down there. I book a last minute flight leaving at 1:20 am and will be in Florida for three and a half days. Not only am I excited to see my parents and family friends and tell them about this job, but it turns out that my former friend/colleague who was a really sweet, kind and helpful friend, the ED, and the presidents are all down in the same town on a strategy retreat, so I will get to have dinner with them and catch up. I left on good terms and am excited I get to see them again.
Denver had a little cold snap with a very cloudy sky...oh how I wanted sun again! So I started to think of places I can go for a quick few days. I've really wanted to go towards the Durango area, Utah, or northern Arizona...but I was hesitant to want to drive all that way in the winter. Never know what the weather in the mountain areas are going to be like.
Then I was chatting with my parents. I forgot they were headed to Florida to see family friends. And so, I invite myself down there. I book a last minute flight leaving at 1:20 am and will be in Florida for three and a half days. Not only am I excited to see my parents and family friends and tell them about this job, but it turns out that my former friend/colleague who was a really sweet, kind and helpful friend, the ED, and the presidents are all down in the same town on a strategy retreat, so I will get to have dinner with them and catch up. I left on good terms and am excited I get to see them again.
Naples, FL Sunset |
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
checking the references
Sometimes I am not good about keeping in touch with my references. I like to have a nice variety...but then feel awkward when I reach out to someone I haven't spoken to since my last job change.
In December I followed up with my references to make sure they were still OK being my reference and to verify that the information I had for them was correct. I heard from everyone that they would be happy to provide a reference.
Once I talked with the job lady and emailed her my 'standard' references. Then I re-emailed my references giving them the heads up that I was at the reference calling stage after successfully completing the two sets of interviews, and they should expect a call the following day. One reference it turns out is in Italy until mid-February so I had to scramble at the last minute to find a replacement reference.
They called the next day, and talked to at least half. In total, I supplied four professional and two personal references.
In December I followed up with my references to make sure they were still OK being my reference and to verify that the information I had for them was correct. I heard from everyone that they would be happy to provide a reference.
Once I talked with the job lady and emailed her my 'standard' references. Then I re-emailed my references giving them the heads up that I was at the reference calling stage after successfully completing the two sets of interviews, and they should expect a call the following day. One reference it turns out is in Italy until mid-February so I had to scramble at the last minute to find a replacement reference.
They called the next day, and talked to at least half. In total, I supplied four professional and two personal references.
Monday, January 26, 2015
top choice
It is hard to wait 7 - 10 days for a decision about a job you applied to two and a half months ago. But I didn't have to. I waited three days for a phone call that I was the top candidate, and not only that, but it was a unanimous decision among the five people I interviewed with - they all selected me as their top choice.
I was warned that they can not meet my salary requirements, but they are working to come up with a benefits/salary package that would be acceptable to me. I will meet with them in person after they crunch their numbers, and negotiate health benefits, vacation, professional development, hours, occasional work from home? in lieu of salary.
I am excited. I thought this job lined up perfectly with my skills when I saw the posting. I applied right away, and two interviews later...I was still excited about the position because it has 'fun' projects to bring them into the 21st century as well as the potential for the future...IF they are willing to work on their board development and strategy.
Now, I need to take a few days off...all this stress, I haven't enjoyed my 'free' time as much as I should have over the last few months. And who would have thought I'd ever say that I am looking forward to working again? Because they know I haven't worked and because the other lady wants out...I see a starting date towards the end of this month!
I was warned that they can not meet my salary requirements, but they are working to come up with a benefits/salary package that would be acceptable to me. I will meet with them in person after they crunch their numbers, and negotiate health benefits, vacation, professional development, hours, occasional work from home? in lieu of salary.
I am excited. I thought this job lined up perfectly with my skills when I saw the posting. I applied right away, and two interviews later...I was still excited about the position because it has 'fun' projects to bring them into the 21st century as well as the potential for the future...IF they are willing to work on their board development and strategy.
Now, I need to take a few days off...all this stress, I haven't enjoyed my 'free' time as much as I should have over the last few months. And who would have thought I'd ever say that I am looking forward to working again? Because they know I haven't worked and because the other lady wants out...I see a starting date towards the end of this month!
Saturday, January 24, 2015
Noticeable differences between CO and NY
Some differences I've noticed from New York and Colorado in the six months I've been here. (where I've lived, not necessarily the whole states)
- Most of the Chinese places I've been to is sit down in Colorado, whereas in NY, most were take out with a few tables
- In CO regular gas is 85 octane, in NY regular gas is 87 (due to elevation)
- In CO not many people beep their horns (THANK YOU!), in NY, especially the city, that is a regular occurrence
- Many of the roads, the right hand lane is/becomes a turn only lane in CO, in NY not so much...maybe this is why so many people drive in the middle lane in other states annoying the hell out of the locals.
- The constant overcast sky in the fall/winter in New York compared to a mostly blue sky in Colorado
- Many people don't recycle (that I've seen...in this area of Colorado), it cost more money to do it or there are a few drop off locations...where I lived in NY (not the whole state, all towns are different), but the garbage and recycling was done by the town. Of course recycling isn't mandatory, but they made it easy for you to do
- Many driveway curbs are not cut out in Colorado, in New York many driveways are flush with the street.
- Where I lived in NY our extremely high taxes went to local services, including having roads plowed regularly. In Colorado, it seems they don't really plow much, often or many roads.
- In Colorado, people tend to take their appliances with them whereas in NY they came with the house/apartment
- Seltzer water is harder to find in Colorado then where I lived in New York, and if you find it, there are less flavors.
- The rain is dirty in Colorado. I had my car washed, it was sparkling like when I first picked it up. Then it rained the next day and my car was dirty.
- The weather changes more rapidly in Colorado than NY, the sky can be blue and an hour later it can be super cloudy/rainy/snowy/windy and the temps can go down 20 degrees.
- In Colorado, especially in the winter, I go through way more windshield washer fluid because the rain is dirty, the snow is dirty, the temps are low so the dirtiness freezes to the windshield
- Much less humidity/much drier in Colorado
- Way more sunshine in Colorado - one of my favorite differences!
- Clinic/medical services were less expensive or free for some services where in Colorado they may use a sliding scale
- Of course the people seem friendlier in Colorado
- Many people have dogs in Colorado. I am not sure if there are more or if it is just more noticeable.
- The sun is stronger because we are higher in elevation in Colorado, so the temperatures feel different. At 35 degrees, sometimes I leave the house in a fleece sweater, at 45 degrees, sometimes just a long sleeve shirt or vest. The snow melts fast. It is amazing.
Thursday, January 22, 2015
fed up
The man I met is frustrating me. Not setting a firm next date. Not responding to a text. I am annoyed at myself for thinking he was different, that I was lucky to meet someone so quickly and actually be intrigued. But, alas, he is the same as most of the men I've met over the years. Interested, and once he knew I was interested/had sex...it lost its appeal. Perhaps I was no longer a challenge.
I am not sure how to screen for this. I asked why he joined that website, he claimed because he was looking for a relationship not just sex. I told me over and over that I was pretty and compared me to Katie Holmes. He winked and smiled and it looked genuine.
And then there was the sex. Yes, I normally don't rush into it - but I figured what the hell...I haven't had action in a very long time and I liked him and wanted to know him and my body was craving it after the kiss. He seemed comfortable with it and finished...we chatted another hour before I left.
Then non-committal plans.
I really don't want to go through the online dating process...it is such a headache. I just want to be in the relationship. I am ready. I got a little taste of it...and I know I am ready. I won't freak out again.
So, I guess that is it. Time to get back online and sort through more people. If this man messages me, I'd be willing to see him one more time...but days away, planned in advance. But I am not keeping my fingers crossed anymore. If there are two things that pisses me off...it is not having my time valued and being lied to. I've had enough of that in the past.
But this leads me to wonder....what is wrong with me? A thought for another day.
I am not sure how to screen for this. I asked why he joined that website, he claimed because he was looking for a relationship not just sex. I told me over and over that I was pretty and compared me to Katie Holmes. He winked and smiled and it looked genuine.
And then there was the sex. Yes, I normally don't rush into it - but I figured what the hell...I haven't had action in a very long time and I liked him and wanted to know him and my body was craving it after the kiss. He seemed comfortable with it and finished...we chatted another hour before I left.
Then non-committal plans.
I really don't want to go through the online dating process...it is such a headache. I just want to be in the relationship. I am ready. I got a little taste of it...and I know I am ready. I won't freak out again.
So, I guess that is it. Time to get back online and sort through more people. If this man messages me, I'd be willing to see him one more time...but days away, planned in advance. But I am not keeping my fingers crossed anymore. If there are two things that pisses me off...it is not having my time valued and being lied to. I've had enough of that in the past.
But this leads me to wonder....what is wrong with me? A thought for another day.
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
Second Interview
The day after I met with the association, I received an email asking if I would be in town for the remainder of the holidays because they wanted to schedule me for a second interview with three additional people. Job searching takes priority, so while I thought about taking a trip...I gladly put it off for this possibility.
A week passed by before I heard back regarding a date and details. The interview was scheduled for a Saturday morning. The day before I selected a different skirt suit, went over my flashcards once and did a tiny bit of research on the three new people.
The group interview goes well. The hour flew by when we were interrupted to wrap things up. There was laughing, agreeing, understanding, excitement, and possibility. They put me in a holding room when they had candidate two speak with the group. The president comes over to talk to me and more or less says, your skills and qualifications are very impressive and we would be lucky to have you, but the real question is, would you want to work here? All by yourself? As you are just starting out in your career? I knew where he was going...I was over qualified. I reiterate that I thought the job lined up very nicely with what I've done in the past. Yes, right now it is a lot of administrative work, but I see potential. There is a lot to do, if the Board was willing to do it...in a few years, and I can help take them to that spot; the potential. They will get back to me in 7-10 days with the job starting near the end of January. I am still unsure about salary range, I included it with my cover letter, as instructed...but who knows. If this is more admin than director...the salary could be quite a bit less.
I go home and this time I write hand written thank you notes and put them in the mail.
A week passed by before I heard back regarding a date and details. The interview was scheduled for a Saturday morning. The day before I selected a different skirt suit, went over my flashcards once and did a tiny bit of research on the three new people.
The group interview goes well. The hour flew by when we were interrupted to wrap things up. There was laughing, agreeing, understanding, excitement, and possibility. They put me in a holding room when they had candidate two speak with the group. The president comes over to talk to me and more or less says, your skills and qualifications are very impressive and we would be lucky to have you, but the real question is, would you want to work here? All by yourself? As you are just starting out in your career? I knew where he was going...I was over qualified. I reiterate that I thought the job lined up very nicely with what I've done in the past. Yes, right now it is a lot of administrative work, but I see potential. There is a lot to do, if the Board was willing to do it...in a few years, and I can help take them to that spot; the potential. They will get back to me in 7-10 days with the job starting near the end of January. I am still unsure about salary range, I included it with my cover letter, as instructed...but who knows. If this is more admin than director...the salary could be quite a bit less.
I go home and this time I write hand written thank you notes and put them in the mail.
Monday, January 19, 2015
going all the way
I was feeling a little weepy. Now that I am a Colorado resident, I have to make "this" work. I invested a lot of money to be out here...and it just seemed a little scary/official. So I felt like I needed a happy movie to watch, and I was being very indecisive and couldn't find something new that looked good. So I messaged ___for a happy movie suggestion (we had talked a little bit during the day). He invited me over. I was like 'another fake invitation?' But whatever, I was like 'what the hell' and agreed to go over. I super quickly freshened up and was at his place 33 minutes later.
My jaw dropped when I walked in. BEAUTIFULLY decorated. I started to wonder if he was gay. Everything I hoped a future house would be...the interior of his had it. Like a model house. You'd never tell from the outside. So he gave me a tour and still....every room was done to the T. And he is the one that did all the work...so he is not only handy but has an eye for decorating. I would totally hire him to decorate and furnish my future house. His words from date 1 or 2 about keeping an immaculate house...I understood...it is because it is like a model house, not because he is a germaphobe. He has 7 TVs which I think is a little extreme...but he is a guy, guys like toys. And his dog isn't allowed on furniture, which is awesome.
We settle on the couch and talk a little bit about his family, me being hard to read, his house, my temporary accommodations, our day, etc. In 30 minutes we were kissing. After 10 we went into the bedroom. He dimmed the lights and had candles burning before I even got there. I don't think i need to go into more details? But of course you want them. We slowly undress. He tells me I am beautiful - but I think can he see anything in the dark? I caress his hairless chest. We get on the bed. I never know what to say, so I am blunt "so....you have any diseases I need to know about?" he reaches for a condom, which is extremely handy in his nightstand and puts it on. We begin. 5-10 minutes later he stops and was like, you mind if we use a toy? I think my color drained...oh, that is what is wrong with him....kinky? I was like "is it clean?" and why is this so handy in his nightstand too? It distracted me because all I kept thinking about is how much sex he might be having and who and I kinda lost it. I don't even own a toy. Eventually he gave up on that and asked if I was on anything - so he removed his condom and then it went much better; enjoyable. We laid in bed for a while talking about nothing.
Now its almost 10 or so? So I get dressed and we go back to the living room and watch a love it or list it he had recorded and then I left. We kissed at the door but didn't make any plans for another get together. I hope it wasn't a one night stand.
Sunday, January 18, 2015
becoming a resident
Within 90 days of being in Colorado, you are to get your license and then you have 30 days to change over your car.
When I went for my license, I arrived at a DMV, took a ticket and waited about an hour. My number was called, I handed all my verification of address, old license, social security card and something else to the lady and she was like...oh, you have a middle name, I need your passport or birth certificate. I read through the DMV website months ago, I forgot about this middle name issue. I had to leave, drive 20 minutes back home to get it, drive 20 minutes back and then I was able to jump the line, since I waited over an hour earlier that morning. I handed her my passport, paid the $21 in cash (not all places take cards) and then was told to wait again. Another ten minutes go by and it was time for my picture. I asked the guy if my middle name had to appear on the license, and he said yes, according to Colorado law, middle names must be on your license. He handed me my temporary paper license, punched holes in the NY license and I was on my way.
A few days later I begin calling around for an appointment for my VIN verification. This is a one time thing that the car's VIN number must be verified and entered into the police system...and then linked with the DMV. From the DMV website, I was able to find VIN verifiers, I called and left messages and then finally I called another office who stated that my local police office can do it...so it was either local police or county sheriff. Other towns won't do other residents. So I called my local police office, was transferred three times and finally was given the number to the closer satellite office. I called them and made an appointment for 5 minutes later. When I arrived at the police station, I had to fill out a form, they took my paperwork (license, title) and entered stuff into the computer. Then we went out to the car, and he verified the VIN number in three places as well as the odometer reading. The fee was $15, but varies depending on the agency doing the verification.
The following day I asked my friend for her insurance agent. I wanted to keep the same company I've had for the last 15 years hoping that my discounts would still apply. I called them and they said they would simply transfer my insurance over, calling my agent back in NY. A few hours later I get a call from the insurance lady that they spoke to NY and it was fine, but I did not have life insurance and that I needed to go to the office to sign paperwork the following morning. With a need to get car insurance so I can switch over my car, I gladly accepted this meeting. I arrive, meet the ladies, all of whom were very nice, and sit down to sign papers. I asked her like three time, in an indirect way, that I did not have life insurance in NY...why do I need it now? She basically was very vague and said that things are different in Colorado.
I walked out of the office and went straight to a different DMV...for your registration/plates, you need to go to a county office. Again, I got a number and waited an hour. When my number was called, I provided the clerk with all my paperwork, I did not need an emissions test because my car is brand new. She did not ask me for my life insurance policy...which I thought was strange since the insurance lady implied I needed it. I messaged that guy I was talking to about mandatory life insurance and he laughed, that is not a thing. I was bamboozled. The yearly registration fees is calculated based on the age of your car, empty weight of the car and original taxable value of the car. I was nervous about this amount...as my car is brand new. Total came to $550.95 for ONE YEAR. Ouch. But honestly, it was still a little better than I expected after talking to a bunch of other people. I paid in cash again because the Department of Revenue charges you the credit card transaction fee if you pay with credit card...yes, there is an ATM in the office, but it is a no-name ATM so you'll be hit with that fee for using an out of bank ATM fee, still lower than the credit card fee! After being there for about 80 minutes, I walk out with my Colorado plates.
I was smart enough to bring screwdrivers with me, so I changed the plates before I left the parking lot and I head straight to the post office to mail back the NY plates. NY plates must be returned otherwise there will be fines and warrants for your arrest or something. I had pre-filled out the form, got a flat rate envelope and mailed them back. The NY DMV website suggest certified or registered mail...but I figured with a tracking number, I'd be safe...I'll have to wait and see.
My license arrived 10 days later and I was happy with my picture.
When I went for my license, I arrived at a DMV, took a ticket and waited about an hour. My number was called, I handed all my verification of address, old license, social security card and something else to the lady and she was like...oh, you have a middle name, I need your passport or birth certificate. I read through the DMV website months ago, I forgot about this middle name issue. I had to leave, drive 20 minutes back home to get it, drive 20 minutes back and then I was able to jump the line, since I waited over an hour earlier that morning. I handed her my passport, paid the $21 in cash (not all places take cards) and then was told to wait again. Another ten minutes go by and it was time for my picture. I asked the guy if my middle name had to appear on the license, and he said yes, according to Colorado law, middle names must be on your license. He handed me my temporary paper license, punched holes in the NY license and I was on my way.
A few days later I begin calling around for an appointment for my VIN verification. This is a one time thing that the car's VIN number must be verified and entered into the police system...and then linked with the DMV. From the DMV website, I was able to find VIN verifiers, I called and left messages and then finally I called another office who stated that my local police office can do it...so it was either local police or county sheriff. Other towns won't do other residents. So I called my local police office, was transferred three times and finally was given the number to the closer satellite office. I called them and made an appointment for 5 minutes later. When I arrived at the police station, I had to fill out a form, they took my paperwork (license, title) and entered stuff into the computer. Then we went out to the car, and he verified the VIN number in three places as well as the odometer reading. The fee was $15, but varies depending on the agency doing the verification.
The following day I asked my friend for her insurance agent. I wanted to keep the same company I've had for the last 15 years hoping that my discounts would still apply. I called them and they said they would simply transfer my insurance over, calling my agent back in NY. A few hours later I get a call from the insurance lady that they spoke to NY and it was fine, but I did not have life insurance and that I needed to go to the office to sign paperwork the following morning. With a need to get car insurance so I can switch over my car, I gladly accepted this meeting. I arrive, meet the ladies, all of whom were very nice, and sit down to sign papers. I asked her like three time, in an indirect way, that I did not have life insurance in NY...why do I need it now? She basically was very vague and said that things are different in Colorado.
I walked out of the office and went straight to a different DMV...for your registration/plates, you need to go to a county office. Again, I got a number and waited an hour. When my number was called, I provided the clerk with all my paperwork, I did not need an emissions test because my car is brand new. She did not ask me for my life insurance policy...which I thought was strange since the insurance lady implied I needed it. I messaged that guy I was talking to about mandatory life insurance and he laughed, that is not a thing. I was bamboozled. The yearly registration fees is calculated based on the age of your car, empty weight of the car and original taxable value of the car. I was nervous about this amount...as my car is brand new. Total came to $550.95 for ONE YEAR. Ouch. But honestly, it was still a little better than I expected after talking to a bunch of other people. I paid in cash again because the Department of Revenue charges you the credit card transaction fee if you pay with credit card...yes, there is an ATM in the office, but it is a no-name ATM so you'll be hit with that fee for using an out of bank ATM fee, still lower than the credit card fee! After being there for about 80 minutes, I walk out with my Colorado plates.
I was smart enough to bring screwdrivers with me, so I changed the plates before I left the parking lot and I head straight to the post office to mail back the NY plates. NY plates must be returned otherwise there will be fines and warrants for your arrest or something. I had pre-filled out the form, got a flat rate envelope and mailed them back. The NY DMV website suggest certified or registered mail...but I figured with a tracking number, I'd be safe...I'll have to wait and see.
My license arrived 10 days later and I was happy with my picture.
Saturday, January 17, 2015
indecisiveness leads to cold shoulder
I spent the weekend thinking about dating. I wasn't 100% sure about guy #1, he seems really nice and I have a few small concerns...but that kiss. It freaked me out. I started to worry that he might be like ManFriend. An amazing kisser, older...but would it be enough? I loved the kissing, and the possibility of that and more happening started to make me nervous. This was all happening very fast. Was I really ready to date?
After two days, I decided I was. Just because we kissed and if that continued sex, doesn't mean I have to know if I like him or not for the future. Isn't that the whole point in dating? It takes time. I can't learn everything about him in a month. Point is, I realized this and I was ready to continue.
But he got cold. Apparently my hard to read wore on him. I asked if we were going to see each other again, he said 'hopefully'. I suggested date ideas. nothing. My stomach started to ache, it was craving more kissing. I spent hours wondering how wrong I was? We only had three dates. Can't I have two days without commuting to anything to think? Why the cold shoulder? I apologized to him and told him I would explain my weekend if/when we saw each other. Nothing. I was about to give up completely, but I texted him an update on my interview. That started a slow dialogue and again I apologized. He told me that he hopes to see me again and at 8:30pm and he invited me to stop by. I called him out on it. I said, "a last minute invite when I live 35ish minutes away hardly counts. You know that. And what's with all the hoping? When you decide, you know how to find me. Til then." He told me I was hard to read. Am I? I have been nothing but honest. I repeated my apology and briefly explained why freaked out a little bit. He said he understood my past and I need to move forward and that I was a good kisser.
That was it. Still no, "let's get together on ____". Nothing. I know he enjoyed our third date, you should have seen that smile after the kissing. It wasn't fake, it was genuine. If he was interested, he would ask me out again or respond yes when I ask him. It's been 7 days since we've seen each other and counting.
I am not sure why I am upset by this. I wasn't 100% sure about him, but yet, I still wanted to get to know him more.
Am I the only person that somehow fucks up dating this bad? Maybe this is why I don't date, it is hard. They lose interest really fast. I don't think me needing two days to think should matter. What am I doing wrong?
I guess I have to go back online. It was just so over whelming and horrible. And I am not really sure I want to continue the online dating thing.
After two days, I decided I was. Just because we kissed and if that continued sex, doesn't mean I have to know if I like him or not for the future. Isn't that the whole point in dating? It takes time. I can't learn everything about him in a month. Point is, I realized this and I was ready to continue.
But he got cold. Apparently my hard to read wore on him. I asked if we were going to see each other again, he said 'hopefully'. I suggested date ideas. nothing. My stomach started to ache, it was craving more kissing. I spent hours wondering how wrong I was? We only had three dates. Can't I have two days without commuting to anything to think? Why the cold shoulder? I apologized to him and told him I would explain my weekend if/when we saw each other. Nothing. I was about to give up completely, but I texted him an update on my interview. That started a slow dialogue and again I apologized. He told me that he hopes to see me again and at 8:30pm and he invited me to stop by. I called him out on it. I said, "a last minute invite when I live 35ish minutes away hardly counts. You know that. And what's with all the hoping? When you decide, you know how to find me. Til then." He told me I was hard to read. Am I? I have been nothing but honest. I repeated my apology and briefly explained why freaked out a little bit. He said he understood my past and I need to move forward and that I was a good kisser.
That was it. Still no, "let's get together on ____". Nothing. I know he enjoyed our third date, you should have seen that smile after the kissing. It wasn't fake, it was genuine. If he was interested, he would ask me out again or respond yes when I ask him. It's been 7 days since we've seen each other and counting.
I am not sure why I am upset by this. I wasn't 100% sure about him, but yet, I still wanted to get to know him more.
Am I the only person that somehow fucks up dating this bad? Maybe this is why I don't date, it is hard. They lose interest really fast. I don't think me needing two days to think should matter. What am I doing wrong?
I guess I have to go back online. It was just so over whelming and horrible. And I am not really sure I want to continue the online dating thing.
Thursday, January 15, 2015
date with another fella
After date #2 with the fella, I decided I should probably at least go on one other date/meet someone else. Not necessarily for comparison, but because I haven't dated in years.
I found a guy that lived much closer and has less of an age gap. We communicated via online site and then I suggested a quick and casual meeting. He selected a local taco shop; perfect. We meet at 6pm, he was waiting outside for me. First thing I noticed is that he looked much older than his photos, which were all taken within the last four months...granted two photos looked like they were professionally done and were touched up.
We go inside, read the menu, and I notice his sweat. Under his eyes, on his shaved head. Sure, it got up to like 40 degrees...but it was probably a nervous sweat. Understandable but kinda gross. We order together, he paid and I gave him $10, which was more than my tacos. Then we find a seat and start talking about family, job, why I am single, that he was divorced...twice, that he is looking to settle down and have kids asap. Our food was ready and I notice they bunched together the similar tacos. I explained that to him, but he didn't get it and ate over one of mine. The tacos were good. We continue to talk about hobbies, his nephew, his family, etc. When I was done with my tacos and water, I had to pee...but I also didn't want to stay there. Decent guy...but not what I was looking for. I yawn. He takes my hands and asks if it is time to go, and I say yes, I am tired, I had a nap today and I woke up groggy (true) so then we start talking about sleep. He tells me that he also has problems sleeping, had a sleep study and found out he has really bad sleep apnea and is now using one of those machines. So, two divorces and a big snorer...no thank you.
He walks me to the end of the block, near where I parked, hugged and said thanks for meeting up. I should have told him right then that I was not interested in anything else...but that may have been obvious. I get to my car, the clock reads 7:10.
Best thing about the meeting...the tacos. But I am glad I did it. I was able to get a glimpse of someone else in the area that is single. And honestly, this is how I thought all the online dates would go. Maybe I shouldn't have freaked out about the other guy...but I think that was probably a slightly normal reaction.
I found a guy that lived much closer and has less of an age gap. We communicated via online site and then I suggested a quick and casual meeting. He selected a local taco shop; perfect. We meet at 6pm, he was waiting outside for me. First thing I noticed is that he looked much older than his photos, which were all taken within the last four months...granted two photos looked like they were professionally done and were touched up.
We go inside, read the menu, and I notice his sweat. Under his eyes, on his shaved head. Sure, it got up to like 40 degrees...but it was probably a nervous sweat. Understandable but kinda gross. We order together, he paid and I gave him $10, which was more than my tacos. Then we find a seat and start talking about family, job, why I am single, that he was divorced...twice, that he is looking to settle down and have kids asap. Our food was ready and I notice they bunched together the similar tacos. I explained that to him, but he didn't get it and ate over one of mine. The tacos were good. We continue to talk about hobbies, his nephew, his family, etc. When I was done with my tacos and water, I had to pee...but I also didn't want to stay there. Decent guy...but not what I was looking for. I yawn. He takes my hands and asks if it is time to go, and I say yes, I am tired, I had a nap today and I woke up groggy (true) so then we start talking about sleep. He tells me that he also has problems sleeping, had a sleep study and found out he has really bad sleep apnea and is now using one of those machines. So, two divorces and a big snorer...no thank you.
He walks me to the end of the block, near where I parked, hugged and said thanks for meeting up. I should have told him right then that I was not interested in anything else...but that may have been obvious. I get to my car, the clock reads 7:10.
Best thing about the meeting...the tacos. But I am glad I did it. I was able to get a glimpse of someone else in the area that is single. And honestly, this is how I thought all the online dates would go. Maybe I shouldn't have freaked out about the other guy...but I think that was probably a slightly normal reaction.
Monday, January 12, 2015
Date #3, making out like teenagers
Headed downtown this time for dinner at Earls. Conversation included what we did on New Years and that was about it. I ordered the chicken curry and it was really good...probably the best thing about the dinner. I felt like conversation was getting harder, not easier. I had him clarify his divorce timeline but that was about it in ways of getting to know each other. On our way out, he puts his arm around me as we walk and then we go to the Hard Rock Cafe to look at the stuff on the wall.
Then onto what we planned Jazz at Jacks for some jazz music, something he enjoys. We are sitting all the way in the back swaying in our seats and then he asks me to dance and held my hand to lead me to the dance floor. We danced a slow song and I wondered where do my hands go? He naturally went for my waist with both, but with him being new, I felt like both my hands around his neck seemed too intimate. Somehow we ended up with the hand in hand pose and just walked in a circle.
Upon returning to our seats, he continues to have his arm around me/rubs my arm. A sweet thing no doubt but I wasn't returning any of the groping back - I still wasn't sure. With the music playing, it was hard to have a conversation, especially for me although I have excellent hearing, I struggle with filtering out the background noise and not hear what people speak. The bands change, and there is about thirty minutes of quietness as the new band sets up. A time to talk a little...but again, not much substance. I was struggling to think of a conversation starter. He is still smoothly touching my arm and said that I was hard to read. I told him to just ask whatever he was thinking, and he asked if it was OK that he was touching me. I said yes, it was just an unfamiliar feeling that I haven't had in a while but it was starting to feel nice. I still didn't touch him. We are sipping our water and ginger ales as the second band starts. Many people left after the first show, so there were tables that were open closer to the front, my date went to check it out. When he came back he said something, but I couldn't hear everything so I tilted my head so my ear would be in the direction of his mouth and he went in for a kiss. A shockingly good kiss. He sat down, repeated that he found a table we could move to, but I said to stay where we were...it would only be louder up front. And he kissed me again. The kiss was still really good. you know I am a sucker for kissing. And then, that was it, we made out like teenagers, in the back of the jazz club completely sober. His huge smile from kissing me lit up his face. I really enjoyed the kissing and my body quickly became alert to this 'new' feeling and started to prepare for more.
We left the jazz club and I walked him to his parking garage where we kissed just once more. He asked what I was doing over the weekend saying he'd love to get together again and that he was completely free. I didn't want to spoil all that great kissing by telling him I had another date lined up on Monday, and that I hesitate to see him again before that other date because after all that kissing...is it a subtle hint I am interested? does it mean nothing? would more happen next time? I didn't want to risk that chance yet. He offered to drive me the few blocks to my car...but I declined and I headed to my car.
Thursday, January 8, 2015
Date #2, the Q and A
Ten days after date #1, I went on a second date at a restaurant. This time we ordered hamburgers and chatted about the holiday, jobs and that was about it. The check came and I paid this time; I don't want any man to assume that just because he bought me dinner I'd kiss or have sex with him right away. And it's only fair. Why should the guy always pay?
But, we made it through the meal and I didn't learn one new thing about him except how he likes his burger. We couldn't leave, this wasn't just dinner. A second date is when you need to learn more about each other - weeding in or weeding out.
We are older. I feel like, you don't need to drag out the do I like this person enough to want to spend time with? do I want to only see this person or see other people? So, I told him we were going to play a Q&A, taking turns to ask questions. The questions could be anything. We asked some silly questions but also serious ones about the future and the past.
I also started to look at him closer. Is that a face I could continue to want to look at? Is it a face I could be attracted to? I know looks aren't everything....but there needs to be some sort of attraction. I want to find my partner, future husband or boyfriend desirable and I want to have a good, healthy intimate relationship as well, so yeah, there is some sort of baseline attraction. Did this guy have it? I also started to think more about his age, he is 10 years older...yes, I was involved with ManFriend who was eight years older and that was hard at times...is ten years going to be harder? easier? normal?
After an hour or ninety minutes, we were tired of the game and called it quits. Sure, I learned more about him. Some stuff made me think a little bit...but nothing was so horrible that he needed to be ruled out yet. Perhaps over the next encounter(s) I will discover the level of what he said, and that may be a make or break...but for now, it will continue.
We hug goodbye and make plans for three days away.
On the way home I decided I should probably get back on the dating site and start responding to other people. Yes, he is nice...but he is the first person I've had a real date with in years...it might not be a bad thing to meet a handful of other guys and start weighing them. Options might be good. If I don't go that route, would I be settling and learning how to like someone? We'll see how date #3 goes.
But, we made it through the meal and I didn't learn one new thing about him except how he likes his burger. We couldn't leave, this wasn't just dinner. A second date is when you need to learn more about each other - weeding in or weeding out.
We are older. I feel like, you don't need to drag out the do I like this person enough to want to spend time with? do I want to only see this person or see other people? So, I told him we were going to play a Q&A, taking turns to ask questions. The questions could be anything. We asked some silly questions but also serious ones about the future and the past.
I also started to look at him closer. Is that a face I could continue to want to look at? Is it a face I could be attracted to? I know looks aren't everything....but there needs to be some sort of attraction. I want to find my partner, future husband or boyfriend desirable and I want to have a good, healthy intimate relationship as well, so yeah, there is some sort of baseline attraction. Did this guy have it? I also started to think more about his age, he is 10 years older...yes, I was involved with ManFriend who was eight years older and that was hard at times...is ten years going to be harder? easier? normal?
After an hour or ninety minutes, we were tired of the game and called it quits. Sure, I learned more about him. Some stuff made me think a little bit...but nothing was so horrible that he needed to be ruled out yet. Perhaps over the next encounter(s) I will discover the level of what he said, and that may be a make or break...but for now, it will continue.
We hug goodbye and make plans for three days away.
On the way home I decided I should probably get back on the dating site and start responding to other people. Yes, he is nice...but he is the first person I've had a real date with in years...it might not be a bad thing to meet a handful of other guys and start weighing them. Options might be good. If I don't go that route, would I be settling and learning how to like someone? We'll see how date #3 goes.
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
Dusty Rose Tea Room - A Review
After a failed snowshoeing attempt, my friend and I went to the historic Georgetown. As it was still early, not much was open yet and the area is very small. We came upon the Dusty Rose Tea Room where there was a menu posted and thought it would be a nice change...and they were open.
We enter and towards the left is the Rocky Mountain Minatures and towards the right is the tea room. The tea room was empty as they had just opened so we had the place to ourselves.
Our hostess, the proprietor, showed us to our table and told us to feel free to select another tea cup and saucer, one that spoke to us. So we walked around the room, looking not only at the tea cups but also the vintage post cards on the tables, the pictures handing from the wall and the atmosphere of the room.
She came back over and gave us menus and told us instead of the Victorian High Tea, they were on the last days of the Christmas Victorian High Tea. The Afternoon Tea includes eight delicacies served on a two-tiered plate. Those were a little too much for us as it was still early; we each selected the Petite Tea which includes unlimited beverages and four small delicacies. Of course you can order a la carte or a lunch combo as well; plenty of options. They had about 6 decaffeinated teas to select from, I selected one and ordered the soup, meat pie, hazelnut chocolate scone and the chocolate peanut butter bar.
While we waited, she told us to select a hat from the wall of hats to wear for our tea. I went with the most colorful, huge, fun hat I could find. Many of the hats were being lent to the tea room by a lady in town.
The tea arrived first, each pot in its own cute coozy to keep it warm.
She poured our first cup.
The potato soup arrived. It was delicious and perfect for such a chilly day.
Soon our delicacies arrived. Woops, the only picture is blurry...but the food was really good. We asked her if she made everything on site or if she brought in the sweets. She explained that she tests out the recipes and makes everything onsite.
She asked if we'd like to try different teas. I selected another, this time selecting the Lone Peak Punch. This tea was a little stronger in flavor compared to the first. It was good. I had a sip of my friend's teas as well. The second tea she selected was the Lewis and Clark Camp Chai. She added a little sugar and milk, I tried it black. Then I tried hers...wow, the sugar and milk really enhance the flavor of the Chai. While that tea was caffeinated, I still had a cup thinking it was New Years Eve and if it helped keep me awake past midnight, I would be happy.
I hope that if you find yourself either in Georgetown wandering the quint streets or if you are looking for something different to do, that you go to the Dusty Rose Tea Room for a wonderful and relaxing experience.
Dusty Rose Tea Room
614 Rose Street
Georgetown, CO 80444
website
We enter and towards the left is the Rocky Mountain Minatures and towards the right is the tea room. The tea room was empty as they had just opened so we had the place to ourselves.
Our hostess, the proprietor, showed us to our table and told us to feel free to select another tea cup and saucer, one that spoke to us. So we walked around the room, looking not only at the tea cups but also the vintage post cards on the tables, the pictures handing from the wall and the atmosphere of the room.
She came back over and gave us menus and told us instead of the Victorian High Tea, they were on the last days of the Christmas Victorian High Tea. The Afternoon Tea includes eight delicacies served on a two-tiered plate. Those were a little too much for us as it was still early; we each selected the Petite Tea which includes unlimited beverages and four small delicacies. Of course you can order a la carte or a lunch combo as well; plenty of options. They had about 6 decaffeinated teas to select from, I selected one and ordered the soup, meat pie, hazelnut chocolate scone and the chocolate peanut butter bar.
While we waited, she told us to select a hat from the wall of hats to wear for our tea. I went with the most colorful, huge, fun hat I could find. Many of the hats were being lent to the tea room by a lady in town.
The tea arrived first, each pot in its own cute coozy to keep it warm.
She poured our first cup.
The potato soup arrived. It was delicious and perfect for such a chilly day.
Soon our delicacies arrived. Woops, the only picture is blurry...but the food was really good. We asked her if she made everything on site or if she brought in the sweets. She explained that she tests out the recipes and makes everything onsite.
She asked if we'd like to try different teas. I selected another, this time selecting the Lone Peak Punch. This tea was a little stronger in flavor compared to the first. It was good. I had a sip of my friend's teas as well. The second tea she selected was the Lewis and Clark Camp Chai. She added a little sugar and milk, I tried it black. Then I tried hers...wow, the sugar and milk really enhance the flavor of the Chai. While that tea was caffeinated, I still had a cup thinking it was New Years Eve and if it helped keep me awake past midnight, I would be happy.
I hope that if you find yourself either in Georgetown wandering the quint streets or if you are looking for something different to do, that you go to the Dusty Rose Tea Room for a wonderful and relaxing experience.
Dusty Rose Tea Room
614 Rose Street
Georgetown, CO 80444
website
Monday, January 5, 2015
Interview #4 since I've been here
In November I applied for a position that would be perfect for me. Mid December they called me to schedule an interview. I was debating going home for the holidays, but the only day for the interview was a day between Christmas and New Years, so I took the risk and stayed here for the interview.
With 10 days notice, I started doing my research on the company. I had some index cards prepared but made others that were more relevant to this position. In total I had about 85 cards that I'd flip through for practice.
The day before I realized I couldn't find my shirts that I wear under my suits, so I went out shopping. Picked up a few and tried a few combinations out for my roommate. I made sure I went to bed at a normal hour and before I feel asleep I told myself that I am smart, capable, and will do well on this interview.
In the morning I straightened my hair and got dressed. I looked out the window and wouldn't you know that 3 of my 4 interviews have been on days that is snowy? I didn't realize it was supposed to snow. I ate some oatmeal and finished getting ready and left early. Good thing I did too because it took me 45 minutes to get there with all the slow driving and slushy roads, and it left me only about 8 minutes before interview time. I was happy I found a restroom on the floor.
As I waited in the waiting area, I saw a man leave and figured he was interview #1. I went in and the 54 minutes flew by. We talked and laughed. I answered questions with some examples. Basically we just went over the job description and areas where they want to improve. One interviewer told me how impressed she was with my work history and experience. Great to have that feedback to keep me up and excited during the interview. I asked them two questions, and they seemed very impressed. Next thing I know one of them was like, OK well our time is up, thanks for coming in and I was ushered out of the door.
On my way out, I bumped into the next candidate.
I got home and started to draft my thank you. I sent it to two people to review and proof read. But I realized that I didn't have one of their emails. My friend is a research master and found the email within 5 minutes. I finished my thank yous and sent them out. The one my friend found was returned, invalid user. Shit. Now what? I spent about 50 minutes searching and searching. My friend was at the gym so I decided to email person #1 asking for person #2's email....and then friend got home and did 5 more minutes of searching and found another email. So, even though I emailed #1 for #2's email, I still went ahead and emailed #2 directly. Hopefully that isn't all reflecting poorly on me. After all, I took the initiative to find his email, that says something too.
I really liked this job for me. It would be a great fit.
Saturday, January 3, 2015
roller skating fun at Skate City, a review
I went to Skate City with my friend and her two children, 4 and 7. The school gave out coupons to use during the break, so we only had to pay $2 for skate rental and the skating part was free for two hours. Naturally with a deal like that, the place was busy; which was nice to see...I haven't been roller skating since I was about 8 and didn't know roller rinks were still around!
The skates come in full sizes only and for adults in men's sizes only so women...you need to convert your size. I normally wear an 8.5 - 9....and the 7's were a little tight, which became uncomfortable after a while of skating.
We rented these walkers for $4 each for the kids...and that was smart, the kids lacked a little balance and this really helped...of course it didn't prevent them from falling! We each took a kid and skated with/next to them so they can go at their own pace. Half way through our skating I asked my friend if wearing a helmet would have been good for the kids since they fell, a lot.
It took a few laps for me to get used to skates again and I enjoyed skating. I felt like a kid - it was great!
They played top 40 music which was fine. They dim the lights so much and some times had strobe lights...which make me dizzy, but is probably fine for most of the people there. The darkness made it a little more difficult to take non-blurry pictures...but again, it was only so many people's first time skating that the dimness did set the mood.
Every thirty minutes they had a 'game' or race - while we didn't participate in those, it was fun to watch. There were all different levels of skaters from first timers to very advanced as well as a wide range of ages from little kids skating alone or with their parents to teenagers. Everyone was so nice; especially the younger kids...they were constantly helping up other kids that fell or asking if they were OK.
Overall, for $5 for skating for 2 hours and reasonable skate rentals if you don't bring your own...I think Skate City is a great place to spend a few hours if you want to do something fun and different and get out of the house. They also have coupons, promotions, special events and host birthday/private parties.
The skates come in full sizes only and for adults in men's sizes only so women...you need to convert your size. I normally wear an 8.5 - 9....and the 7's were a little tight, which became uncomfortable after a while of skating.
We rented these walkers for $4 each for the kids...and that was smart, the kids lacked a little balance and this really helped...of course it didn't prevent them from falling! We each took a kid and skated with/next to them so they can go at their own pace. Half way through our skating I asked my friend if wearing a helmet would have been good for the kids since they fell, a lot.
It took a few laps for me to get used to skates again and I enjoyed skating. I felt like a kid - it was great!
They played top 40 music which was fine. They dim the lights so much and some times had strobe lights...which make me dizzy, but is probably fine for most of the people there. The darkness made it a little more difficult to take non-blurry pictures...but again, it was only so many people's first time skating that the dimness did set the mood.
Every thirty minutes they had a 'game' or race - while we didn't participate in those, it was fun to watch. There were all different levels of skaters from first timers to very advanced as well as a wide range of ages from little kids skating alone or with their parents to teenagers. Everyone was so nice; especially the younger kids...they were constantly helping up other kids that fell or asking if they were OK.
Overall, for $5 for skating for 2 hours and reasonable skate rentals if you don't bring your own...I think Skate City is a great place to spend a few hours if you want to do something fun and different and get out of the house. They also have coupons, promotions, special events and host birthday/private parties.
Friday, January 2, 2015
pre-recorded new year
New Year's Eve has never really been my thing. I've done the dress up in a gown and go to a hotel party for all you can eat/drink, a bar, the house party, spend it with a guy, and the go to bed before midnight thing.
What happens is you have on the local/national station. Starting about 8 or so, local time, they start airing live from New York City. We watch the shows, music, commentating and at around 9:30 local time (I wasn't paying too much attention since we were playing games) they cut out for the news. We don't see the ball drop in NY. Around 10:30 local time, we get back the NY events where they are summarizing the evening and play more songs. And worse, around 11:30 local time, they play back the hour we were missing from that time in NY. Our ball dropping was from TWO hours ago in New York City, pre-recorded, and we hear "New York, New York" at the stroke of midnight. Seems very inappropriate.
This year I planned on doing the same thing I do whenever I am single...go to a matinee, order Chinese food, work on a puzzle and go to bed around 10ish...unless I am on a puzzle role. But my roommate's cousin was in town and we invited another friend over so we decided to make a lasagna, drink wine and play board games. I love board games! A nice intimate gathering...I am good in small groups and really enjoyed myself.
Last year I spent new years on mountain time when I was with Mountain Man...but we had a movie on and missed the ball dropping at midnight. This year, I was able to witness a horrible, lame ball dropping from mountain time.
What happens is you have on the local/national station. Starting about 8 or so, local time, they start airing live from New York City. We watch the shows, music, commentating and at around 9:30 local time (I wasn't paying too much attention since we were playing games) they cut out for the news. We don't see the ball drop in NY. Around 10:30 local time, we get back the NY events where they are summarizing the evening and play more songs. And worse, around 11:30 local time, they play back the hour we were missing from that time in NY. Our ball dropping was from TWO hours ago in New York City, pre-recorded, and we hear "New York, New York" at the stroke of midnight. Seems very inappropriate.
I thought that the local/national station would have showed us the NY ball dropping at 10, then some city in Central Time at 11, and then cut out to show us a local event at our midnight. A chain of new years, if you will. I know Denver did a firework display...why not broadcast that? Do other big cities not celebrate New Years with a ball dropping? And if not...why does everyone bother to stay up if they are just staying up to watch the ball drop? I don't know...call me crazy, but I think we can do better.
Thursday, January 1, 2015
2015 Goals
This year will be my first in Colorado. There are so many things I want to do out in this part of the country, that some sightseeing/travel is on my list as well as personal growth.
- find a job
- find a place to live
- become a resident of the state
- buy used or new/upgrade my phone (in January my phone turns 4!)
- start meditating
- work on my spirituality
- perhaps find out who my spirit guides are
- get more music and update my ipod/ipad
- date
- explore new areas/adventures here in Colorado and its neighboring states
- try to do at least three 'fun' things a month
- give more compliments
- stop feeling obligated
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